Thursday, 3 September 2009

From the vaults (an occasional series) - Pedestrian manners

What is the world coming to? When I was a child, walking down the road with my parents was an adventure, tempered with mutual respect from other pavement occupiers. People would stop to let others past, or slow down or move into single file. Today, while walking my daughter to school, three cunting slags with prams forced myself and my daughter out into a busy road, because the nattering cuntflaps had to walk three abreast down the pavement, forcing every oncoming person out of the way.

GOD FORBID that they fucking shut up for two minutes to walk in single file and continued their cunting babbling when they got back to their hovels.

Then I went for a coffee. While looking for parking, I was struck by the number of pedestrians who seemed to think that the fucking road was a pedestrianised mall or something, because the fuckers ambled out, in no particular rush, at random intervals, ignoring any sensible crossing options, and certainly without fucking looking.

I got my coffee, and on the way back to the car, I was nearly bowled over by some stupid bald-headed cuntflap fuckfaced shitheaded cockmuncher who was busy having a deep conversation on his mobile -- he wasn't paying a blind bit of attention to anything around him, and as he walked past the front of me, he suddenly turned 180 degrees and walked right back into me. No fucking apology or anything, of course.

I think the government's advertising campaigns exonerating the pedestrian from any blame for their own stupidity have a fucking lot to answer for.

Cocksucking motherfuckers.

Originally posted here.


Nick von Mises said...

Personally, I have a 50/50 rule. If I am on a collision course with another pedestrian I will unilaterally move 50% of the way necessary to avoid the collision. If they do the same, everything is fine. If they don't, I discreetly shoulder charge them.

Another favourite is if someone cuts in front of me I keep walking as usual, taking care to make sure I clip their feet and give them a nice stumble.

It helps if you're ready to throw down at any moment

bayard said...

Who says cars have right of way in the street? Pavements are a hangover from when streets were unpaved, i.e covered with mud and shit, hence the name. Where the fuck do you walk if there is no pavement, e.g. on most rural roads? In the fucking road, that's where, and drivers are supposed to avoid you, but God forbid that they should actually have to SLOW DOWN, after all it's their God-given right to drive where they like, as fast as they like.
Anyway,crossing a busy street outside a pedestrian crossing adds a little spice to life and wakes up a few dozy drivers into the bargain.

Costello said...

That's an excellent rule Nick and one i'll have to adopt.

Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs said...

"Who says cars have right of way in the street?"

The fact they weigh over a tonne and travel at 30 mph says so.

Pedestrians do seem to employ a sort of Canute complex when they wander blindly in front of an oncoming vehicle.

It's the me me me attitude again.

I = mv - mu wins every time though.

Robin B'stard MP said...

The front of my car is littered with the bad decisions of pedestrians........

Anonymous said...

Thank Goawd it isn't just me. The other thing is when the wankers have a conversation in front of a shop entrance/exit, or just in the middle of the pavement, or when you leave a shop and the fucker in front just stops dead, or when youa re walking past a shop and out shit head comes and isn't looking or caring. I too employ the 50/50 shoulder barge rule and I always say EXCUSE ME very loudly - amazing how offended some people get.

hermit said...

In the motorist vs. pedestrian debate, I do come down on the side of the pedestrian.
However, in the case of the bloke on his mobile who "suddenly turned 180 degrees and walked right back into me.", I would have given him a good smacking ... Oh sorry mate, I thought I was being mugged.

John Demetriou said...

I think you speak for more of us than we'll ever know. This is fucking important observation and totally mirrors my own experiences out there amidst the populous.

Something very fucking odd has happened over recent years. It's the same thing that accounts for why, all of a sudden, people on motorways no longer use the slow lane, even when the cunts are driving slowly.

Since when was the middle lane the chillax cruiser 50mph lane? It's irrational, why can't people see this? They are effectively turning a 3 lane motorway into a 2 lane A-road. For NO FUCKING GOOD REASON.

Anonymous said...

Well said Obo.

As I pointed out in a comment in a recent thread, when I was a lad fucking DARTH fucking VADER taught us the green cross code and not get run over.

Sadly now the onus is on motorists not to squish pedestrians even though it's a damn site more in the pedestrians interest not to be run over than it is in the motorists.

Bayard, Geeks bearing gifs answered your question pretty solidly. Of course as motorists we need to be careful of pedestrians on country lanes, but again I point out if I come round a corner on a country lane at 40mph and there you are in the middle of the fucking road, and I squish you, well that's you fucked, whereas I end up with a small dent in my car.

Therefore I would suggest that if you are walking down a country lane, you keep a fucking ear open to tne sound of approaching vehicles, and get ready to get the fuck out of the way if one comes along, in exactly the same way I did when I was growing up in the countryside. I am still alive and you might remain so if you use some COMMON FUCKING SENSE.

You seem to imagine that car drivers are not pedestrians. Well News-flash-Fucko - most people with cars do in fact walk places to, and when they do I imagine most of them watch out for cars, I know I do!


Anonymous said...

A Fuckknuckle called Bayard wrote:

"Anyway,crossing a busy street outside a pedestrian crossing adds a little spice to life and wakes up a few dozy drivers into the bargain."

How hilarious!

Not half as fucking funny as the inevitable day you do this and the driver is not concentrating and you die a horrible squished (but well deserved) death.


bayard said...

@Anonymous and others: I am well aware that, as a pedestrian, I am likely to come out worse in a collision with a car than the driver of said car and that, as a result,I should keep my wits about me when walking down or crossing a road. However, I do know the difference between a dozy idiot who walks out in front of a car without looking and someone who give a driver plenty of time to brake or avoid them. The trouble is, many drivers don't and react accordingly.
Anyone who drives round a blind corner at 40mph is an idiot - what happens if there's not a pedestrian round it but a vehicle travelling in the opposite direction?
Never been called a fuckknuckle before - that's made my day, that has.

bayard said...

@BGG Hope you don't meet too many lorry drivers with the same attitude as you - they've got up to 40 tons to enforce their "right of way" with....

JuliaM said...

And spare sonme opprobium for the morons that, as soon as the Tube comes to a stop and the doors open, try to get in, irrespective of the fact that people are waiting to get off...

I've probably shoulder-blocked more people attempting to do that than a semi-professional rugby player!

The best thing is if they are tall men - the height differential gives even a short woman a hell of an advantage.

Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs said...

bayard - you miss the point again.

It's not about rights or attitude: it's about simple physics under the guise of momentum.

You can put in place all the regs you can possible imagine, you can rant and rave about rights and fairness, unfortunately in some situations in comes down to a dozy driver with 40 tonnes behind him and both the car or pedestrian or bicycle are slaves to the laws of physics.

Best thing to do is simply be more aware in any situation and give as much space as possible to protect yourself.

One of the most annoying things to recently come out of this are cyclists who insist on riding side by side with a view that "it is their right" to use the public roads.

You can argue all you like about that, but at some stage, someone behind you is going to get very impatient and will overtake with less consideration than normal, increasing the chance of an accident.

Sometimes I wonder why people don't regulate against water running downhill...

JuliaM - classic case of people leaving a tube exit, seeing it's raining and stopping to put an umbrella up, only to be shoved straight into the rain by the swarming crowds behind.

Bill d'Sarse said...

In a similar vein:

People who walk into a shop and immediately stop.

People who walk out of a shop and immediately stop.

People who stop at the top/bottom of an escalator.

Walking whilst texting (this really gets my goat).

Entire aisles in shops blocked by idiots having a group meeting. Usually their neigbours who they last spoke to earlier that day.

They all get the same treatment from me which is aptly described by Nick von Mises above.

bayard said...

@BGG I think we actually agree- it's the ones who insist on their non-existent rights who are the idiots. I never said pedestrians had a right of way, only that car drivers don't, nor do cyclists, horse-riders* or anyone else. What they do have,as you point out, is a duty to themselves to be aware: dozy gits on the street are a pain in the arse, whatever they are doing.

*AFAIK horse riders do have a right of way in London,however you don't see that many dozy gits on horses in London.

Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs said...

bayard - ok, also good point: horses on the road.

Now there's something about horses on the road that makes all traffic crawl to a standstill - it's the fear in 'em horse's cold eyes that does it!