Too good not to share!

Dear Ms Raccoon,

Thank you for your enquiry.

You appear to be under some misapprehensions about the purpose of the NHS. You believe that it’s supposed to cure people, or something. Things have moved on since that philosophy was in operation, many decades ago. No, these days, the new thinking is that the real purpose of the NHS is to kill people, in as large as numbers as possible.

Let me explain. In the past, people were understood to have become ill as a result of bacterial or viral infection, largely through no fault of their own. But now we know that most disease is caused by ‘lifestyle’ factors. Smoking cigarettes, for example, causes all forms of lung disease, every kind of cancer (and not just lung cancer), all variants of heart disease, and more or less every other disease as well. And if cigarettes don’t cause these diseases, then drinking alcohol does so instead. Or eating meat. Or not getting enough exercise. And these lifestyles are what people have freely chosen to adopt. And so, it’s their own fault if they contract these diseases. And given there’s next to nothing that the NHS can do to cure them, the only option is to assist them to a premature death, which is where they were all heading anyway.

In modern NHS hospitals, doctors all know that anyone who has been wheeled through the front door is someone who has been trying to kill themselves all their lives with smoking, drinking, overeating, sex, lack of exercise, and so on. We simply try our best to help them on their way to the early grave they quite obviously seek.

I agree we’re not very efficient about it. MRSA is a nasty way to die. We’re hoping that new legislation on assisted suicide will allow us to open some assisted suicide facilities in our hospitals. Some people call them ‘gas chambers’, but these have some unfortunate resonances, and so we’re looking for another name for them. But, once the new facilities come online, we’re hoping to boost the NHS deathrate from its current figure of about 70,000 a year to something more like 1,000,000 a year. Patients with ‘lifestyle’ diseases will be able to look forward to rapid and immediate treatment in these new facilities, with waiting times of only minutes or hours.

We will, of course, retain the treatment centres for the old-style bacterial and virally-transmitted diseases. So if you get malaria, we’ll still prescribe drugs for its treatment. However, there is a strong argument that even malaria is a ‘lifestyle’ disease. You get it by going to West Africa. And anyone who gets malaria has only themselves to blame, and must have had a death wish of some sort, which we at the NHS will be more than happy to fulfil.

I’m sure you’ll agree that the new model NHS will be far more efficient than the old one. Hospitals will be much smaller. Wards will be small and very private. Patients will be treated immediately. Much of the old bureaucracy will vanish. Furthermore, the health of the remaining population of Britain will be greatly improved as unhealthy people are removed, and the population of Britain will fall towards sustainable levels. We’re hoping to bring the population down to 5 million or so by the end of the century.

Please don’t hesitate to contact me again if you have any further questions.

Yours faithfully,

Josef Mengele, M.D.

From the comments here.

Aha!

Aha!

Ahahahahahahaha!!!

DAVID Cameron is heading for defeat at the general election after a devastating poll showed his lead slashed to just TWO POINTS.

The Tories were in meltdown early today as word of the latest survey swept the party's last major rally before polling day.

It raises the unexpected prospect of Gordon Brown being returned to power for another five years.

DING: if you want to treat the electorate like an inconvenience interfering with your entitlement to office, if you refuse to offer an alternative to the one-eyed mong and if you keep spouting Blairite cock-spittle at us - this is what's gonna happen.

Twat.

A Clockwork Orange

Alright, my little droogs?

Britain might not make steel anymore, or cars, or pop music worth listening to, but, boy, are we world-beaters when it comes to tyranny. And now classical music, which was once taught to young people as a way of elevating their minds and tingling their souls, is being mined for its potential as a deterrent against bad behavior.

CCTV, arrest by "drone", helicopters used to catch people for speeding, databases of all your online activities and mobile phone use... all that isn't enough for these bastards.

In January it was revealed that West Park School, in Derby in the midlands of England, was “subjecting” (its words) badly behaved children to Mozart and others. In “special detentions,” the children are forced to endure two hours of classical music both as a relaxant (the headmaster claims it calms them down) and as a deterrent against future bad behavior (apparently the number of disruptive pupils has fallen by 60 per cent since the detentions were introduced.)

Ugh. Seriously depressing stuff. Like the man says:

One news report says some of the children who have endured this Mozart authoritarianism now find classical music unbearable. As one critical commentator said, they will probably “go into adulthood associating great music—the most bewitchingly lovely sounds on Earth—with a punitive slap on the chops.” This is what passes for education in Britain today: teaching kids to think “Danger!” whenever they hear Mozart’s Requiem or some other piece of musical genius.

Cuntservatives: please just go fuck yourselves

So, after my post saying I was going to vote Labour, I obviously had all the Tories rushing round saying that I'd be mad to do so. I should sign up with the Cuntservatives and change them from within. This is what Hannan and Carswell are doing, and it's the way to go.

Well, to all those that tried that tactic, may I say a heart-felt: "Fuck you. Fuck you very much."

Because Hannan and Carswell are regarded as utter fucking lunatics by the Tory leadership, who prefer to have policies like this instead:

Andrew Lansley, the Shadow Health Secretary, has launched the Conservative Party’s new green paper on public health - A Healthier Nation.

The Green Paper outlines how we will tackle Britain’s public health crisis by completely overhauling Labour’s failing system of dealing with public health.

Okaaaaayyyy ...

Much greater responsibility for tackling problems like obesity, drug use and teenage pregnancy will be devolved to communities on a new payment-by results basis, with extra rewards for improving the public health of the poorest. In spending their dedicated public health budgets, communities will be obliged to partner with local bodies, like schools, businesses, councils and GPs.

I'm sorry, Mr Lansley, but just chucking the word "devolved" in there doesn't fucking mean shit, you mendacious cunt. And what's with this "partnering" cockwaffle? Obliged? So if my local trust doesn't want to "partner", fuck them anyway? How is that "devolution", you lying fuck?

There will be a new focus on innovative strategies, with national campaigns harnessing the latest behaviour change research and delivered by providers who are paid by results. We will provide prizes for ‘open source’ suggestions for successful new public health strategies.

No. No. No. Just fucking NO!

National fucking campaigns are what we fucking have right now with Labour. How the cunting fuck can you be claiming to promote localism with national campaigns, devolution with orders from central government and radicalism when your spurting out the same old tired shit policies that we've seen from Labour for the last fucking decade?

A Conservative Government will work with business to draw up new ‘responsibility deals’ designed to prevent irresponsible activities and extend restrictions on unsuitable marketing to children throughout the media. We will introduce a clearer system of alcohol labelling which allows people to compare the amount they drink with other people, mandate the display of ‘guideline daily amounts’ on food packaging, and encourage restaurants and bars to publish more dietary information for their customers.

Aahhhh ... that will be the new focus on libertarianism from the Cuntservatives: nudging combined with hectoring, nannying and fucking outright bullying, which is completely fucking different from what Labour have been doing for the last 13 years, oh yes.

We will introduce a focus on public health throughout government, led by the Secretary of State for Public Health, with a series of measures including extra Sure Start health visitors, a school sports Olympics, better maternity care, and tough measures – including a tax on super-strength drinks – to curb binge-drinking.

This has me rocking back and forth in the corner of my office, keening. More "tough measures". More fucking telling people how to live their lives. More officious government diktats.

The Cuntservative Party already has libertarian-inclined MPs, MPs who have laid out their suggestions in a clear, easy-to-follow book. These MPs already have media presence, a fan base and a lot of attention. And DING and his merry dingbats are heading in the exact opposite direction.

So, for those of you who have tried to convince me that the thing to do is join the Tories and fix things from within and in the nicest possible way: fuck off. You're the mirror image of tribal Labour voters for whom the party can do no wrong.

You guys are the exact same type of people who have allowed Labour to arserape the country into a fucking zombie movie: my party above all, including fucking sanity.

How the fuck can you cunts dare to tell me that I should vote for this bunch of bullying statists because voting for the other bunch of bullying statists is some fucking terrible crime?

David Cameron is just as unprincipled and dangerous as Tony Blair. And he can fuck right off.

Update: The UK Libertarian looks at all six bullshit themes.

David Cameron Poster

Hah!

Good news, bad news!

I've been really sick for the last couple of weeks. The good news for me is, I'm feeling better.

The bad news for you is, I'm feeling better.

Cunts.

Friday PM snigger

Click to enlarge...

Pardon?

It's not just our government that talks out of its arse:

EPA Administrator Lisa Jackson engaged in doublespeak of the highest degree today as she told reporters that no statistically significant increase in global temperatures since 1995 does not mean that there has not been human induced global warming.

There's been no warming, but that doesn't mean there's been no warming.

“The science regarding climate change is settled, and human activity is responsible for global warming,” Jackson said, adding that the EPA needs more funding to ensure climate change legislation is passed.

Jesus Christ. How much more naked can they be about their agenda? And fucking "progressives" applaud them for this shit?

What utter cunts.

A politician with integrity

Fucking hell!

Phil Heatley, a politician in New Zealand, immediately tendered his resignation to the Prime Minister when it appeared that a $70 receipt for two bottles of wine at a party conference had been accidentally claimed on his expenses. Heatley told the press “I believe I’ve failed to live up my own standard and for that I’m embarrassed and immensely sorry.” He immediately repaid the money.

NZ$70 is about £31 in real money.

I wonder if any troughing fuckpig reading this will even understand the concept.

Is DING mentally handicapped?

I always thought politicians were supposed to be possessed of a certain amount of the smarts. Mendacious, venal cunts, but ostensibly witty and sharp and certainly possessed of a certain low cunning, if nothing else.

But lately, I'm really starting to wonder about DING.

I mean, I'm wondering to the point that I've pretty much decided to vote Labour, something that has honestly never occurred to me before. But really, what can you really make of someone who is faced with an enormous open goal the size of Colostomy Brown's rage and then doesn't even attempt a shot at goal.

Apparently, there's a certain amount of cuntsternation in Tory circles because the poll lead has slumped to 6% (and fucking rightly so - they should have a fucking 60% lead, not a 6% lead!)

I don't really see why anyone should be surprised: we've had more than a decade of big-government tax and fucking spend, hectoring little Hitlers sticking their noses into every aspect of our micromanaged lives, quangos up the wazoo, blatant corruption and thievery and we're fucking sick of it. This is not hard to understand.

So what does the useless buttered new potato do? He promises us even more of the same fucking shit, but promises it will be different because he's in charge. Dave, don't be a fucking cunt all your life. We are beyond the Blair era. We don't want another smooth, charming, unprincipled, snake oil salesman running the show. If you're too dumb to work out from the polls what the problem is, maybe you should step aside and let someone else have a fucking go.

But shit like this just screams that you haven't got a clue, you haven't got a grip and you are just another fucking makeweight cock-weasel out to screw the country for your own gain:

The Tories have signed a contract with their firm - Squier, Knapp, Dunn Communications, which is a leading Washington-based Democrat-leaning political consultancy - specifically for help with TV debates. But the firm is also expected to offer advice more broadly to the Tory leader on the direction of the Conservative campaign.

Great fucking idea, you cretinous fuckmong: the British people are crying out for vapid promises of Hope and Change.

Don't make me do it, Dave. Don't make me put my cross in the Labour box. Give me something to fucking hope for.

Quote of the nanopicosecond

Heh:

... the chances of him [Alastair Darling[ being invited to remain as Chancellor are slimmer than a collection of Mr Brown’s witticisms.

Teh funneh!!1!

This is fucking hysterical:

"Rawnsley reveals that Brown rang Blair while he was staying with the Queen at Balmoral. He was furious that Alan Milburn, Blair's close ally, had written a piece supporting the prime minister's right to stay at No 10.

Rawnsley writes:

'The chancellor's fury was titanically demented even by his standards. 'You put fucking Milburn up to it,' Brown raged down the phone. 'This is factionalism! This is Trotskyism! It's fucking Trotskyism!' Blair was nonplussed. He had not even seen the article. After the call, he then read it and phoned Milburn to say it was excellent. They laughed about Brown's hysterical reaction.'"

The man isn't just a fucking mental health challenge now, he's been one forever.

God help me

I have decided, I believe, who I am going to vote for in the coming elections. And it truly is something I'm going to do with gritted teeth and no small amount of personal anguish.

I'm going to vote for the Labour Party.

Not only am I going to vote for the Labour Party, but I urge you to vote for the Labour Party too.*

Now, you may well believe that I've either lost my senses or I've been kidnapped by Peter Mandelson who is currently writing this for me.

But neither of these is true.

I have come to the conclusion that there is little point in voting for a fringe party, because British people are still far too tribal to elect loads of little parties into parliament (although that would be great, too!)

The reality of this is that either the Tories or Labour are going to wind up running the show and contrary to what you might expect, I'd like it to be Labour that wins. Well, not really, what I'd like is for them to be burned at the stake, their ashes pulverized and then scattered to the four winds. But think about this: no matter who wins the election, we're going to be crucified for the next decade at least. The state is going to have to be decimated, spending programs will have to be slashed and the economy is going to be crushed under taxes and shit growth.

When the Major government won the '92 election, Major said that the only thing that would keep Britain afloat was the ERM. When we were unceremoniously ejected, his credibility and that of the Tory Party was bludgeoned into nothingness, something that took more than a decade for the Tories to even think about getting back.

Imagine what havoc would be wreaked upon Labour's credibility if they had to be the party of cuts, the party that actually inherited the consequences of their economic mismanagement? It would take a generation for them to recover. The faction fighting and internecine struggles would prevent them from doing any actual governing as well.

But even better, imagine what the consequences would be for the Tories if they were rejected at the polls again. The buttered new potato would certainly get the hoof, and the centrist, vapid, statist, social democratic wing of the Tory party would be rightly silenced. Iain Duncan Smith and his fucking one nation social justice would finally be consigned to the dustbin of history and who knows, the Tories might actually implode altogether.

And from the ruins of this morass of big government, quango-loving goat-felchers may well arise a different political system, one which recognises that British people have to potential to be something other than vacuous sheep. A political system that has learned the lesson that you cannot have everybody living at the expense of someone else. A political system that has learned that government is the problem, not the solution.

So once again, I ask you to vote Labour, but failing that: anyone but Dave.

*Unless there's an LPUK candidate in your area. Obviously.

Still ...

... on the fucking road.

More frivolous hilarity

So, after all the Brown bullygate bollocks, what has happened to the polls?

The pre-temper tantrum poll:

CON 37%(-2), LAB 30%(nc), LDEM 20%(nc)

Now we come to the second poll, which has caused Mike Smithson, and one or two others, much heartache overnight. The original published figures were wrong or was a deliberate leak.

Anyway, here is the first post-temper tantrum daily tracker poll, with the correct figures:

CON 39%(nc), LAB 33%(nc), LDEM 17%(nc)

The figures speak for themselves. Rawnsley’s allegations are having no effect.

I wonder why that would be? Possibly because the electorate can't tell Labour's policies from Tory policies? And because there's no real point in getting shot of one bunch of useless fuckpieces to replace them with another bunch of useless fuckpieces?

On the road ...

... yadda, yadda, yadda...

Britain is broken in many different ways

So after the bullygate polling, I was curious:

A YouGov poll carried out for the Sun after the Rawnsley revelations and has the Tories up two to 41 with Labour dropping four to 29. This poll has, obviously, been taken at the worst time for Labour but, at first blush, it does suggest that the bullying allegations have cut through.

Is it just me who finds this incredibly depressing? Are the British so fickle that some sleaze will take the shine off the Prime Mentalist and then after a week or two, the sleaze will be forgotten and Gorgon's share price will start going up again? I mean, the fucker has ruined the country, fucked it sixteen ways from Sunday, and people are losing a bit of faith in him because he chucks Nokias around? For a couple of days, anyway.

It's true. We really do deserve the government we get.

Update: It seems that someone got their facts wrong. Cunts.

Ah, so, Mister Blown

Aha! Aha!

Ahahahahahahahahahaha...

The new Guardian ICM poll has the Tory lead down to seven points and the party on 37 percent.

You really do have to wonder what the Gorgon is going to have to do to give the Tories a proper lead.

Because the DING-bat is far too fucking useless to get one by himself.

Bob Piper is right

Sorry, I should have warned you before I said this. But hopefully you've recovered now.

And what is more, Bob Piper is right when he says that Iain Dale is right.

So what's with this massive blogging love-in?

The left has won the battle of ideas for tolerance, diversity and equality. Perhaps the major achievement of the Blair/Brown years has been to shift the social attitudes compass to the left. The progressive attitudes towards gays and lesbians, women and racial minorities are now accepted by all of the mainstream political parties.

Yep, it's definitely true. The Tories will pander to special interests just like the Labour Party and the LibDems. No mainstream party will say: "No more pandering to special interests". Even the BNP exists to pander to a special interest group.

What a fucking mess.

Damn your eyes, Peter Hitchens

Once again, he is spot on:

Then there's the other thing. These revelations, if they have any political effect at all, will damage Labour and help the Tories. Yet the journalist involved, Andrew Rawnsley, is famously sympathetic to New Labour. If you wanted confirmation of my contention - that David Cameron's Tories are the reincarnation of Blairism - you couldn't ask for a clearer one.

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 19

Fin. I'm sad.

Here we FUCKING go again

What the fucking fuck is it with the plastic plod and cameras?

Police questioned an amateur photographer under anti-terrorist legislation and later arrested him, claiming pictures he was taking in a Lancashire town were "suspicious" and constituted "antisocial behaviour".

For fuck's sake!

"Because of the Terrorism Act and everything in the country, we need to get everyone's details who is taking pictures of the town."

I think I'm going to have an embolism, really. "Because of the Terrorism Act and everything in the country"? How did this fucking imbecile get into a position of even being a plastic plod? And which fucking dildo-brained fuckpiece thought that this imbecile would be a useful addition to community policing?

When are the fucking police going to give up with this shit, stop fucking about with "anti-social behaviour" and start fucking paying attention to crime again?

Oh, and can we please shut down the failed experiment that is the PCSO clusterfuck?

Forehead smacking update: Genius:

Maybe the truth of this is that these PCSOs are simply picking fights with people, in order to prove that they are doing something other than just wandering about rather aimlessly and not really earning whatever they are paid. Maybe it's that simple.

Peering through the Tory veil

So, the public has spoken and they don't fancy Dave all that much after all. His poll lead has slipped to 6% as people look at what he's offering and are starting to decide that if they're going to get the same old shit, they may as well get it from the old colostomy bag.

If you look at the Tory party, you see a curious dichotomy: their policies preach "localism" and "choice" and devolved power, but the leadership of the Tory party is the ne plus ultra of highly centralised control. DING is going to be another Blair, with his "sofa cabinet" meetings where a tiny coterie of loyalists will make all the decisions and the rest of his party will just be lobby fodder. It will be the same as what Gordon offers, possibly with less violence and insanity, but DING isn't offering any kind of alternative.

So why would you vote for him?

The pensions Ponzi scheme

Just in case you don't know what a Ponzi scheme is, it works like this: I get N people to pay money into my "fund" and promise them that the fund will pay out some crazy benefit. They all like the idea and get their friends to put money in. As new people add more money in, I use the money coming in to pay out to the original investors and skim off a chunk for myself. The more people chucking money into the pot, the more I can skim off and the more I can dish out to investors. But since I'm not doing any kind of investing, the problem comes in when people stop chucking money into the pot, or even worse, when people want to withdraw their money.

Then all hell breaks loose, as it did with the Bernie Madoff case.

But what far too few people realise is that the government's "National Insurance" is nothing but a Ponzi scheme. While the economic population is growing there is no problem meeting pension requirements (and all the other things that National Insurance ostensibly pays for) but when the population starts ageing and you have more claimants than contributors, it all gets a bit messy.

Inevitably, people will say that we can't just shitcan the whole scam, much as it would be lovely to do so. "What about the OAP's?" they cry, while I look at the miserable life offered to those on the state pension. Fortunately, the ASI has come up with a cunning wheeze that allows current obligations to be met, while allowing people to make rational decisions about their own future.

Personally, I don't think it goes far enough, but I commend it to you as a way in which you can start defusing a severely disruptive time bomb.

The rot spreads

My basilisk eye has been drawn to the obscene amounts of tax money being wasted by local government. Via Anna Raccoon, it seems that they're finally starting to cull troughers:

Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for has arrived:

The UK jobs market is expected to face a difficult first quarter of the year as a growing private sector, freed from recession, fails to compensate for shrinking employment in the public sector.

Local government is a massive employer, and it doesn't just revolve around the archetypal Teflon-shouldered "council employee" or the guys who do something useful, like binmen. Nope, it's teachers, social workers and all sorts who get employed by the council. And paid rather too well, it seems:

If anyone doubted that Britain’s senior local government managers are the new Bourbons, let me tell you that Peter Hendy, the head of Transport for London, has recently got himself a personal coat of arms.

The College of Arms, which drew it up, wouldn’t say what.

Sir Peter’s crest of state consists of – perhaps his best-loved contribution to society, the “bendy bus rampant” with “faredodger cluster” (to adopt the language of the heraldry trade). Nor would it disclose his personal motto. (What is the Latin for “we regret the disruption to your service?”)

But it is surely right that the country’s chief bus baron should join the ranks of the aristocracy – on earnings grounds, at least. Last year, Mr Hendy collected a base salary and bonus of £494,884, or £9,500 a week. That was more than twice as much as the then Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, Sir Ian Blair. Some may feel this unfair – but how can such trivial matters as protecting Britain from terrorist attack compare with the life-and-death responsibilities of maintaining the Oyster Card?

I'm sorry? The guy running TfL has bought a coat of fucking arms? And he's on half a fucking million of tax-payers' finest a year?

It's hardly surprising that:

Councils have declined in power but more and more of their officers earn gold-plated salaries that they are desperate to keep secret.

Seriously. The plan is that they will tell you anybody who earns more than £150,000 PA but only disclose the number of people who earn more than £50,000 PA. These are fucking council employees, filibustering cocktards who do nothing but abuse government legislation to fucking spy on you and hold meetings to come up with more and more reasons why the motherfuckers can't empty your fucking bins like they used to.

And when the guy who runs your fucking bus service earns enough of your fucking money to piss it out on a coat of arms, at £4,000 plus whatever research charges they make, and he feels like he's entitled to such a frippery, well, it's clear the motherfucker has a sense of entitlement that is completely in keeping with the "public service ethos", isn't it?

Do you live next door to a council employee? Does he seem to be remarkably comfortable? Not having any problems meeting his bills? Don't fret, he's probably just on a massive wedge.

Of your fucking money.

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 18

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 17

Fucking good riddance, you Dutch cunt

Poor fucking twat:

Yvo de Boer, the UN's top climate change official, says he will resign after nearly four years in the post.

According to AP, people who know Mr de Boer said he was more disheartened by the slow pace of negotiations than he was ready to admit.

"I saw him at the airport after Copenhagen," said Jake Schmidt, a climate expert for the US-based Natural Resources Defense Council, "He was tired, worn out."

Mr Schmidt said that the summit "clearly took a toll on him."

The fucking mendacious thief - it's no fucking match for the toll the fucker is wreaking on us.

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 16

Unintended consequences again, again! ... Er, again!

This is the kind of thing that makes me want to kill people who proclaim that "something has to be done!"

As part of their stimulus response to the GFC, the Rudd government initiated a billion dollar program to provide millions of Australian homes with government-subsidized ceiling insulation. The massive influx of easy money has ballooned an industry that pre-stimulus numbered only a few hundred employees to one that now contains over 7000 employees and operators.

Despite being warned over 15 times by various other government agencies and industry groups that this plan would result in untrained workers and dodgy operators, and that poorly installed insulation would pose serious safety risks, the minister responsible went ahead with the plan. Since then numerous houses have burned down due to insulation being installed over light fittings, and 4 deaths have occurred due to untrained workers putting staples through live electric wires. The opposition is calling for the minister's resignation, and there is now a new industry being created in going back through all the affected houses, trying to find the expected 1000 homes that have been turned into potential death traps.

Lo and behold, for the great god of jobs was appeased. And just think of what all those fucking fires have done for Australia's cunting carbon footprint.

Boot-faced fucking arsehole spacktarded mongoloid interfering big-government CUNTS!

Common sense?

Pretty fucking uncommon sense:

According to the amendments, owners of bars and restaurants with an area of up to 100 sq m would be able to determine for themselves whether their premises should be non-smoking areas or not.

Owners of facilities with an area of more than 100 sq m will have to provide sections for non-smokers that have no direct link to the smokers' areas, according to the amendments.

And oh what a telling criticism:

News of the amendments, however, was criticised by one of the right-wing parties in Parliament, the Democrats for a Strong Bulgaria. The party's leader Ivan Kostov said that the amendments were "not a European thing to do".

No, indeed. How dare anyone challenge the demands of Eurocrats for a homogenous, sterile, bland continent.

Ivan Kostov: feel free to go fuck yourself with a Nicorette patch, you bansturbating cock-munch.

Skoolzinospitalz

We've already seen how chucking insane amounts of money at hospitals and doctors hasn't made our hospitals any cleaner and safer or our doctors any more useful. And here're some interesting stats from the US about how effective all the money they spent on "education" has been:

But looking at decades of achievement data one can’t help but conclude that keeping teacher jobs at all costs truly isn’t about the kids, but the adults either employed in education, or trying to get the votes of those employed in education. As the following chart makes clear, we have added teachers in droves for decades without improving ultimate achievement at all:

A visit to my daughter's school always leaves me wanting to strangle the "educational specialists" for all the managerialist bollocks they spout. It's not a fucking school any more, it's like a bunch of refugees from Arthur fucking Andersen wittering on about "outcomes" and "interventions".

I'm not surprised to find the whole fucking scam is jobs for the boys and girls - and fuck the parents.

Cunts.

Can it get any worse ...

... indeed?

£4.3bn in the red, that is the gruesome fact of the government’s January accounts. Never before has the government borrowed money in January, usually a month of surplus as self-assessed income and corporation tax receipts line government coffers. Analysts forecast a surplus of £2.8bn, denoting just how bad the situation is.

Income £7bn below estimate?

Never had to borrow money in January before?

Truly, "Colostomy" Brown has brought us to a state of economic ruin never before seen in this cuntry.

Go you mad, fat fuck. Just go, before we are forced to rend you limb from limb with our bare hands. And take those useless cunts in your party with you. Because we've FUCKING HAD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!

DEFRA wasting your money

Quelle surprise, eh?

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 15

The Robin Hood Tax is a fucking stupid idea

It all sounds so easy, doesn't it? A piffling, miniscule fee levied on eeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil bankers and there'll miraculously be $400 billion to make the world a better place. But the total profits of the global banking industry are estimated at $788 billion, so you're talking about more than half their profits going down the shitter. Do you really think they're going to suck that up?

Timmy has (a lot) more.

Cunts

Fucking bansturbating numpties.

All I can say is... fuck you.

Abandoning constitutional monarchy

There was a vote held at the House of Twits about whether or not Britain should abandon the constitutional monarchy. Contrary to what one might expect from a libertarian and, even worse, an Anarcho-Capitalist, I voted no. In fact, if I had my druthers, I'd undo that shameless huckster Blair's "reform" of the Lords and re-instate hereditary peerage as well!

It's crucial that I explain why. A constitutional monarchy is not the endgame objective of any Libertarian. It is profoundly unlibertarian that someone can rule over you by accident of birth. However, through happy accident, it transpires that having a ruling monarch that is required to give assent to laws, along with two strong chambers of debate is a pretty good mix for reasonable governance in a democratic, rather than an anarchic state.

And while a lot of libertarians resent the land-ownership of the hereditary peers, the fact that they weren't all from the grasping, venal classes actually made them quite good custodians of our rights. If you look at the regime of New Labour, for instance, the official opposition was utterly useless in the Commons and all the serious defence of the common man ironically came from the Lords. And if we look at the rapid increase in common petty theft in the Lords, is it any surprise that it has all come about since Labour started throwing the money out there to be taken and then appointing people from the grasping, venal classes?

I'm not saying the Lords were saints before, but because they were disinterested and there wasn't really anything in it for them, they tended to either not bother at all or take it seriously for its own sake. Sure they could influence big deals for their own back pocket, but they weren't inspired to enact draconian laws because they'd get a chunk of cash for pitching up and then being "whipped" to vote.

Whether you regard it as class, or breeding, or just some kind of good sense and disinterest, the peers have acquitted themselves much better than our elected representatives, who do not represent us, but rather the interests of their party. And really, for this to work properly, you do need a stronger monarch. Unfortunately, Brenda has really screwed the pooch here and I positively fear Charlie. We need a monarch who would not give Royal Assent to draconian laws, or bad laws. The ideal situation is where all three are strong, because then it's difficult for any one of them to overwhelm the others. At the moment, the party in power has a toothless opposition and the Queen just gives the nod to any old shit. In fact, she doesn't even need to rubberstamp anything, as they can now just implement a statuatory order without debate or anything. Not that there's ever any debate anyway.

Anyway, I'm rambling now. Ultimately, I didn't really have a problem with the pre-'97 constitutional monarchy, because no one group of the government had too much power. Blair screwed that completely by abolishing hereditary peerages and every other "reform" he did. Now the Commons dominates and is only held in the vaguest of check by the Lords.

Having seen any number of elected-only government models around the world, the UK's odd mixture of Crown, hereditary peer and elected thief was a very good one. If I had to endure a government, I would rather it was that one.

I would rather endure no government at all. But that wasn't what was asked.

Fuck!

Major desk cleanage required.

From Private Eye (not online):

Lib Dem leader Nick "Call me Nick Clegg" Clegg recently wrote to provocative artists the Chapman brothers, inviting them to a reception at the House of Lords to celebrate the creative industries and discuss some of the ideas in the Lib Dems' forthcoming mini-manifesto on the arts, "The Power of Creativity".

Their response was a handwritten note:

Fuck you and the ass you rode in on you insipid little cunt.

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 14

Time for @his_grace to wake up and smell the coffee!

Has politics become so utterly superficial as to be more concerned with the colour of one’s skin and what one does with one's penis than with one’s moral worldview?

Yes.

A curious assertion about the Gold Standard

I don't have any particular reason to disagree with John Redwood when it comes to rigged exchange mechanisms, but I found part of this curious:

History shows that rigged exchange rates do not work. The Gold Standard…bankrupted many businesses and created mass unemployment.The snake in the 1970s failed to keep the pound at a constant value against the Continental currencies. The Exchange Rate Mechanism caused a bad recession, and then collapsed.

Since there is a wing of the LPUK that wants us to go back to a gold-based currency, I wondered if they would comment on this and point out why he might be right or wrong. Or if I'm just misunderstanding what he's saying.

*Sigh*

I'm supposed to be cutting down on blogs I read, not adding more.

Caution!

Right. Presumably, you're sitting down. If you aren't, please do so. Make sure you aren't swigging a cup of tea or anything because I'm about to say something startling.

The Graun is making some sense in attacking Tory policy here:

Cook writes about the influence on the party of the Centre for Social Justice (CSJ), the thinktank set up by Iain Duncan Smith, and he says that some Tory officials do not believe the claims made by CSJ about marriage. The CSJ says children whose parents are married tend to do better (which is true). It also claims that those children do better because their parents are married (which is highly questionable). Cook, who used to work for David Willetts, quotes an unnamed party official as saying:

The CSJ claims that there is evidence marriage helps the poor. But you have to chase down a jungle of references to find anything serious. It's mostly rubbish that doesn't overcome the self-selection problem [that couples who choose marriage are more likely to have qualities that make it easier to stay together and be good parents]. We have repeated some wholly indefensible claims.

Cook also quotes another unnamed party official as saying that loads of CSJ research is "ropey".

Now, Iain Duncan Smith used to be known as "the quiet man", and would that he still were. But since he is no longer leader, he has managed to usurp a load of policy areas and driven his awful ideas into Tory policy:

4. The CSJ says it has now produced 70 Conservative party policies.

Cook says that at one stage Tory family and welfare policy was "outsourced to the CSJ".

And you can bet they're all pretty shit.

Watch that self-selection thing: it's the kind of tactic New Labour would have used to drive policy and just look how well that turned out for us.

Go on then

You know what to do.

Blogroll update

I thought this was quite funny.

The "reasoning" of lefties

Heh:

Government lies, cheats, conceals and deceives.

This is all the banks’ fault. Thus government should have more power over banks.

Pancake Day

What a b3tard.

Sorrow

I don't think this is one of their finest, to be honest -- but the start always gives me goosebumps...

BNP Theme Tune

Let's be honest, you were expecting this, weren't you?

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 13

Microsoft: cunts!

Beware the cuntish BSoD:

Microsoft has confirmed reports that some users are experiencing Blue Screen of Death errors after they apply Security Bulletin MS10-015 (rated Important) to patch vulnerabilities in Windows Kernel (977165). At the same time, the Redmond company revealed that customers affected by BSOD after installing this month’s security bulletins also rendered their computers useless, as the machines became incapable of booting, not even in Safe Mode. The issue seems to affect mainly Windows XP computers, however, users of Windows Vista and Windows 7 also reported similar behavior. As a direct consequence, Microsoft has pulled MS10-015, and is no longer distributing the bulleting through Windows Update, while it is working to produce a resolve.

17 years to write a patch and they cunt it up royally. Marvellous.

Beware!

Quote of the day

From samizdata:

It goes like this: specialist skeptic blogs, unspecialist but skeptic blogs, the Conservative Party's usual supporters, public, non-lefty old media, more public, lefty old media, more public, and finally, last of all, David Cameron. This undignified process is presumably what David Cameron thinks of as leadership.

Is that an EU referendum in your pocket?

Via the Anglo-Saxon.

A twatter conversation with a Labour supporter

RT @EricPickled: Some cracking policy ideas in the Daily Mail today, I've cut them out and sent them to David.

I'm just guessing here, but "EricPickled" must be the Labour troll who tries to take the piss out of Eric Pickles. Unfortunately, DING and his team of useless fuckwits have no fucking policies at all, let alone anything as concrete as an Op Ed piece in a newspaper. Plus, on the strength of this effort, EricPickled is as funny as face cancer.

So, we're not off to a good start. But, as I pointed out to the original twat:

@jachartuk Too bad the Gorgon gets all his ideas from Nick bloody Griffin.

Provocative, but what the hell. It's only most of his policy ideas he gets from Griffin, not all of them.

@obotheclown how on earth did you readh [sic] that conclusion?

Ah. Hopes of an intelligent conversation here.

@jachartuk "British jobs for British workers" ring any bells?

Casting the line ... and there's a bite!

@obotheclown plenty of bells - but if you actually knew what you were talking about you wouldn't look so foolish...

Eh? What's to know? Every national newspaper picked up on that, as did every part of the blogosphere except for the most slavish of Labour acolytes.

Let's try another BNP policy nicked by Gordon:

@jachartuk How about "gulags for slags"? Remember that one?

There are any number of newspaper articles about this one, and Nick Griffin issued a press release congratulating Colostomy Brown for adopting their policies.

The response? A withering:

@obotheclown no wonder I don't follow you... #FAIL

What? I've pointed out two BNP policies lifted pretty much word-for-word from BNP literature by the Labour Party, and the rebuttal consists of an juvenile attempt at discomforting me and a vacuous invocation of the "fail" hashtag.

This is what passes for debate among Labour supporters (and, I suspect most Cuntservatives and Limp Dumbs as well.) When presented with uncomfortable facts, they simply attempt to shut you down, as though you're the uncool kid in the playground and they're part of the cool clique (or whatever it's called nowadays!)

Rather than trying to engage me and show me why I'm wrong, they just flounce off to discuss the salami at the local deli or fantasise about a three-way with Harriet Harman and Jack Dromey.

So, much like David Osler (who can at least construct an argument and turn a phrase) this useless sack of shit will be voting Labour until he draws his last breath, no matter how "un-Labour" their policies may be and no matter what misery they inflict on us, him and his.

Still, at least he didn't try to beat me up. Yet.

Remember that night?

I certainly do. It was fantastic, but it was curious how the audience politely enjoyed Gilmour's new stuff and exploded when he played Floyd.

Floyd's music is, to me, curiously timeless and beautifully structured: it sounds like there's more going on than is actually going on. And being able to hear some of the world's finest musicians play it live is about as close to rapture as I'm ever going to get.

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 12

The six million dollar men

I see that the custodes have been appointed, and people are already asking who's going to custodiet them.

Meanwhile, the Lords have not only been told they can keep on troughing, but they've practically been chastised for not troughing enough:

Not only did he clear offenders, in an attempting to clarify the rules Pownall has made things worse. The Peers now just have to spend one night a month, while the House is sitting, at whatever location they choose to state as their “main home”, be it their own, a spouse’s home or even a relative’s place.

In other words a Member of the House of Lords can now make up to £30,000-a-year by spending ten days a year at a residence, of their own designation, outside of London. (One night per sitting month and £174 overnight allowances the rest of the time.) Yet again it really is “all within the rules”.

With cocktarded fuckmonkeys like this making the rules and "holding" our rulers "to account", is it any surprise that this fucking fiasco is not going to ever go away? We are paying six million pounds for these cunts to have oversight of their expenses. SIX MILLION POUNDS! To look after the expenses of 646 people!

I just cannot see this as anything other than another nice little bit of government patronage. How do you get appointed to this little gig? Well, MPs put you in the frame. In exchange for a generous salary and perks package (and they are pretty fucking generous pay and perks packages) you have to vet the people who got you the job. Seriously, I can't see anything going wrong there, can you?

646 people means it's a pretty small "small-to-medium" sized business out in the real world. Any small business that employed 646 people would probably get sunk by having to spend £6,000,000 just to administer expenses. It's fucking ludicrous, really.

I'm bloody sure that any of the outsourcing companies (EDS, Crapita, IBM, Fujitsu, etc.) could happily pick up the management of 646 sets of expense claims for a tenth of the price. Hell, I tell you what: I'll make the commons an offer they can't refuse - I will pick up the job of administering MP's expenses for a piffling £250,000 a year. I'll pick up the Lords for the same again.

And I fucking promise that there will never be another expenses scandal.

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 11

A new blog tag

Inspired by the mighty Dungeekin, I've adopted a new name for the Prime Mentalist: Colostomy Brown.

Holy fuck!

Is that scary or what?

Under Labour 1964-70, the stock market’s real return (adjusted for inflation) went down by 13 per cent. Under Labour 1974-79 (which included Denis Healey’s grovelling to the IMF), it went down by 11.5 per cent. Under Mr Brown, the London stock market’s decline in real return is more than 20 per cent.

More than 20 per cent!? Fucking hellski!

Man flu

I shouldn't have gone dogging with Dizzy.

I've been comatose since Friday. Unfortunately for you, I'm getting better.

Nothing says "I love you" ....

... quite like suggesting you get buried together.

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 10

Yes!

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 9

Well, ...

... DUH!?

Now that's something you don't see every day!

Snow in Fort Worth, Texas. Which is right next to Dallas.

Yes, that Dallas.

SO much funnier than the Labour one...

Genius.

OK, that's funny

More b3ta goodness.

RIP Charlie Wilson

Definitely one to watch if you haven't seen it already. I'll be raising a glass in his honour tonight.

How fucking weird is that?

My trip into the Smoke was pleasant, the meeting was positive and successful, the trip home was also pleasant. I'm not sure how to deal with this. I can only assume I'm going to be diagnosed with cancer tomorrow as a punishment for having a good day.

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 8

On the road again ... again ... again ... again ... a-fucking-gain!

Fuck. My. Life.

Missing the point

The Eventard misses the point by a wide margin here:

Here is the bad news if you own a low-emission car:

Britain’s biggest supplier of biofuels will announce today that it is closing its pumps because the Government is ending financial support from April.

It is the second time in five years that the Government has changed its mind and cancelled subsidies after encouraging motorists to invest in a particular type of green car.

What you must now do:

Businesses and individuals which have adapted their vehicles to use the high blends of biofuels will find that their investment has been wasted. They will have to revert to using ordinary petrol and diesel and will no longer be able to claim any environmental advantage.

And the irony:

The Environment Agency ….bought fleets of flexible-fuel vehicles on the assumption that the Government would continue its 20p a litre duty discount on ethanol.

That's lovely, dear, but have you fucking wondered where that fucking 20p subsidy is coming from? I think more voters will be happy than are unhappy. Well, we would be if we weren't sure that the fat monocular fuck and his merry band of gimps, mongs, idiots and retards weren't going to spunk the money at something equally stupid.

And really, why the cunting fuck are we pissing money away on any of this green shit if it can't make a decent buck without inserting their fist into our collective rectum?

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 7

Big Oil

Whenever you read about someone being sceptical about global warming, or even worse, a "denier", you will almost always hear that they are in the pay of big oil, especially if there is any academic rigour behind their comments.

Well, read this and then reflect on the motivations of those promoting the scam.

Still not convinced?

"We are only armed with peer reviewed science"

I saw a photo of some hand-wringing wing nuts holding up posters to this effect.

Read this deconstruction of just one sentence of the latest IPCC report and then see what you think of their peer reviewed science.

The wrong end of the stick

As I was deleting a piece of spam, I couldn't help but smile wryly at the phrase " ... only by living in the USA can you become truly fluent in English ... "

You couldn't make it up!

Heh:

NOAA had planned a press conference in Washington D.C. yesterday to release the following statement:

“More and more, Americans are witnessing the impacts of climate change in their own backyards, including sea-level rise, longer growing seasons, changes in river flows, increases in heavy downpours, earlier snowmelt and extended ice-free seasons in our waters. People are searching for relevant and timely information about these changes to inform decision-making about virtually all aspects of their lives,”

Because of the blizzard, the press conference could not be held at the National Press Club and had to be conducted via telephone.

I'm really beginning to wonder if these cunts will ever overcome their mongnitive dissonance.

Pass the mind bleach!

Yuk:

We just need to ram Gordon Brown down the electorate’s throat

That would certainly work!

Would that we could be so lucky!

Lucky, lucky bastards:

If the Department Of Education doesn't show up for work, does that mean that the sad decline of our schools will cease? The decline that has accelerated ever since the founding of that department?

The Department Of Energy was founded to decrease our reliance on foreign energy sources. Despite a 28 billion dollar budget, and more than 100,000 employees, the amount of oil we import has increased since then. Do we need those guys?

Can anyone remember the last time the Department Of Housing And Urban Development was worth its salt? Why should ACORN grants be funneled through that department, when we could so easily write the checks to ACORN ourselves?

If the Department Of Agriculture were to be snowed in for a year, and we were allowed to import food from more economical sources overseas, do you think this would eliminate some poverty in the U.S. and overseas? In fact, if the Department Of Agriculture were to sink into the Potomac, would it be missed by anyone except some coddled millionaires?

What would happen if the Department Of Defense stayed home for a decade, and it was all our military could do to defend our borders? Do you think the number of attacks on America would be about like the number of attacks on, say, Switzerland?

Does anyone suffer when Secretary Of State Clinton can't get out of her driveway because of the snow?

Think of the pounds of regulatory mess that The Department Of Commerce will NOT write today.

Imagine that you just won the mega-lottery, and you wanted to give most of the money to effective charitable organizations that efficiently deliver aid, medicine, and comfort to low income people in the U.S. How many organizations would you consider before you voluntarily wrote a check to The Department Of Health And Human Services?

Look at what The Department Of Organized Labor has done for Michigan. Stay home, folks. We'll call you when we need you.

Think of what the Treasury Department has done for Wall Street, banks, AIG, Goldman-Sachs, and their buddies at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac for the past year. Treasury will not be able to cover gambling losses with your money today.

A big thank-you should go to the Department Of Transportation for not getting the roads cleared.

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 6

Strewth!

What a bunch of digger deviants:

Scientists have found camels to be the third-highest carbon-emitting animal per head on the planet, behind only cattle and buffalo. Culling the one million feral camels that currently roam the outback would be equivalent to taking 300,000 cars off the road in terms of the reduction to the country's greenhouse gases.

Well, if they're serious about this greenhouse gas crap, and they're feral camels, all I can say is "fair dinkum, mate!"

Oh.

But Climate Change Minister Penny Wong told The Australian there was little point doing anything about Australia's feral camels as only the CO2 of the domesticated variety is counted under the Kyoto Protocol.

Er, what? So what we have here is a source of greenhouse gas emissions (fnaar, fnaar!) that could be removed without causing detriment to anyone and make a fairly significant difference to their Kyoto obligations, but there's no point in doing it?

Sorry? I thought we were all going to die, or flood dusky-skinned people in far-away lands, or cause endless droughts or move the Gulf stream or change the orbit of the planet or something. Either these greenhouse gases are dangerous and need to be contained, whatever the source, or this is really is just another fucking game, where well-connected businessmen make a fortune off the back of some nonsense, till it becomes mainstream and then bubbles and then the world has to cope with another economic meltdown, while the planet's tax collectors rub their hands in greedy glee.

And just to underscore what a load of bollocks this all is, cop an eyeful of this:

The absurdity of the UN carbon accounting systems was also highlighted by Mick Keogh, executive director of research group the Australian Farm Institute.

Mr Keogh noted that while emissions from a deliberately lit bushfire count under Kyoto, they did not if the fire was caused by lightning.

And it also varies depending on whether it razes privately owed land or a national park.

"When it's burning in the park, none of those emissions officially count, but when it spreads back out of the park to private land on the other side, it starts to again contribute to greenhouse emissions as measured by the UN's rules," he said.

You know, I could have sworn that they were trying to imply that carbon dioxide emissions from an accidentally started fire, or a fire on public ground, was not an issue for the planet.

How the fuckety fucking fuck does that work?

Tip of the clown wig to Counting Cats.

52%

I've sat on my hands about this one for a while now. I actually wanted not to descend into a fit of inchoate rage when I talked about the fact that the trough-snufflers' own enquiry into their trough-snuffling showed that it was not a minority of MPs that was thieving, but actually a majority.

It showed that all the leaders of the LibLabCon hegemony were caught with their fingers in the till, yes, our world-saving, sainted Prime Mentalist; the buttered new potato who thinks he will lead us to a promised land and the other guy, the nonentity and most useless of the lot all helped themselves to an extent that even the bloke with the bucket of whitewash couldn't hide it.

One of the great scandals of modern times was Enron. Enron had 30,000 employees, of which 8 were charged with shenanigans. If they'd been as crooked as our parliament, then the courts would have had to process 15,600 cases. Instead, a company so vilified that it changed the law around the world prosecuted eight people and only five of them were convicted.

It seems readily apparent to anyone from the outside looking in that the four cases brought thus far really are sacrificial goats, but society would be upended if all the bastards who had actively troughed were all brought to book. (Interestingly, their propensity to trough was directly proportional to the safety of their seat.)

But really, it's not about those who have been charged, even though as a proportion, that is orders of magnitude higher than were prosecuted at Enron. No, it's about those who haven't been charged. It's about those who haven't been charged. In fact, it's also about those who are apparently blameless.

Because I really do believe that if the cunts who ran my employer's expense department were to take hold of MP's expenses, there'd be a huge pile of P45's and final written warnings in the post, possibly as many as 600. The huge number of MPs standing down at this election is indicative of how badly they think they will fare.

The most ludicrous aspect of this is the sense of outrage and entitlement displayed by these greedy fucks, daring to challenge the minor slap of the wrist that Legg is asking for. My fucking heart bleeds for them, I've had claims for as little as a couple of quid challenged because of some trivial technicality to the point where a senior manager has had to scream at the expense office to pay me. The idea that over a period of five years I might build up £50 of dubious payments is risible, yet in the "safe seat" article above, there was a stated tolerance of £5000 worth of dubious payments.

Anyway, I'm starting to ramble now, so I will summarise:

1. It's perfectly possible to allow MPs reasonable expenses, most companies manage it quite well. But claims need to be clearly within the rules, and "honourable" members should not be considered honourable. I'm quite sure my employer would be happy to take over the Fees Office for an annual consideration.
2. Legg did not catch everyone, you can bet on that. The fact that Jacqui fucking Smith didn't have to repay anything absolutely proves this.
3. If you vote for one of those caught and having to repay money, you are a fool, a knave and quite possibly a traitor to your country.

The raw data is out there. If you don't check the status of your MP's expenses before you vote, you could be voting for a criminal. In this election, your vote could actually mean something.

So do your homework before you vote.

Dear Facebook

Could you please stop fucking around? It seems like we just get used to your last fucking shambolic cuntwaftery and then you fuck it all around again!

Cunts!

Quote of the hemidemifemtopiconanofortnight

The way they go on and on about it, people would think that we stumble about wearing piss stained trousers and shouting at strangers on the bus whilst guarding a rapidly festering kebab with our life
-- Rantin' Rab

Errr, Rab: have I got news for you!

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 5

It did take me a while ...

Tip of the clown wig to Aaron Ross of Defected.

I laughed too

Tip of the clown wig to Man Widdicombe.

More green big business

For some time now, I've had a healthy dislike of Tim Yeo. He seemed to be peddling the same bullshit lines that Ed Milipede and the rest of the Gaia green posse do. Now, thanks to Guido, we know why:

For example Tim Yeo MP is the current Chairman of the Environmental Audit Select Committee, not a surprising position for a former Environment Minister. In July last year he sponsored an evening event for 150 members of the Environmental Investment Network. Held in the impressively plush Members’ Dining Room overlooking the Thames, it certainly is a pleasant environment in which to woo and lubricate potential green investors. Coincidentally Tim is also chairman of a small investment-hungry AIM listed company called AFC Energy plc, who are developing “environmentally friendly fuel cells”.

I watched the video of Guido and Tim Yeo discussing this, and Yeo was far too quick to scream defamation and reach for his handi-pack of Carter-Ruck.

Another traitor to humanity, disguising it as concern for our well-being. The stench of hypocrisy is strong in this one.

Make sure the organic, sustainable, renewable hemp rope is nice and thick.

Urgle

Not feeling it today. Having the day off, I think.

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 4

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 3

Christ on a trough

Jesus H. Christ.

Tip of the clown wig to Anna Raccoon.

What they say versus the reality

The Whited Sepulchre has a cracking piece here on Obama's budget freeze. Bear it in mind when you read about "efficiencies" and "swingeing cuts" from our useless troughers.

Quote of the picoweek

DK:

This does not alter the fact that we know that almost every other cunt in Parliament is a thieving shitbag with the morals of an alleycat.

The Queen!

Eamonn Butler writes an uncomfortable analysis of her reign:

Saturday marks the anniversary of the Queen's accession in 1952. I hate to say it, but as a constitutional monarch, she has been pathetic. Over her reign, she has allowed government politicians to accumulate frightening power. She has merely stood by as they cast aside all restraint, including the basic rights, liberties and institutions that were fought for precisely to protect us from arbitrary authority.

At first, of course, they were intended to protect us from the power of absolute monarchs. In time, though, Parliament replaced the monarch as sovereign; but these same rules worked equally well at restraining politicians too. Ministers knew that they were only the temporary custodians of the public trust; and that their power was checked and balanced by MPs, the civil service, and the courts.

Indeed, the monarchy itself became one of these balancing institutions. It may seem bizarre in a democracy that the monarch is notionally the head of the government, the church, the peerage and the army; but the reason we keep it that way is not so that monarchs can wield power, but so as to keep unlimited power out of the hands of politicians. For most of the time, our monarchs have had a better grasp of the mood of the people, and of the importance of their rights and freedoms, than have ministers: so this has proved a useful arrangement.

The key constitutional role of monarchs today, then, is to stop politicians from usurping power and turning themselves into an elected dictatorship. But the Queen – perhaps confusing the exercise of this role with political interference – has allowed precisely that to happen.

And you know, although I think the royals get an undeserved level of abuse, I'm afraid I have to agree with him. She has done the less important, more onerous part of her job extremely well.

But she hasn't rewarded her subjects with any protection from a rampant parliament.

Whatever happened to Sperm Lewis?

If you're out there, boyo, say something.

I'm missing your erudite cuntributions!

Sex in the stationery cupboard: Part 2

MEGA-LULZ

Honest:

Well, let’s hope by the time 2012 rolls round, they’ve added the 1000metre Great Strides event…

Gordon HAS been showing the way!

Where Gordo leads, Obama follows!

I know what you're thinking ... you pervert!

Tip of the clown wig to @oleuanna