Obnoxio The Clown

An horrific thought

2009-12-01T07:17:00.001Z

You just know that in his sock drawer, Ed Bollocks has a video of him and the missus playing the beast with two backs.

Just imagine the cum faces.

Have a nice day!

Whatever happened to "space" music?

2009-11-30T23:47:00.002Z

Back in the 60's space music was the funkiest of quixotic jazz. Now it's irritating warbling and bleeps, aggravating enough to make you want to track the guilty DJ down from across the world and kick his fucking balls in.

Come on you cunts, give us decent, lounge-y space music again.

Now!

Gear up for a blood bath in Afghanistan

2009-11-30T17:29:00.003Z

The fucking nutter with the stutter has opened his fat, flappy yap again:

Gordon Brown provoked surprise this afternoon by announcing that Britain's military presence in Afghanistan would soon be over 10,000, as he took the unusual step of revealing that there were around 500 special forces there.

"Surprise"? "Unusual step"? Talk about a fucking understatement.

Gordoom, you fucking mentalist, you really are entirely unfit to run the country. Why don't you just post all the details of our military operations and plans on the internet where everyone can fucking download them and study them at their leisure? It will make it a lot easier to kill soldiers, reduce demand for money from the military for pesky things like wages and weapons and ammo, less pension funding will be required, it's a win all round.

You fucking stupid moronic cunt-featured cunting IDIOT!

Franticism

2009-11-30T09:54:00.002Z

I'm a little snowed under at the moment, work-wise and rashly, I've just agreed to take on a really, really challenging new side-project.

I suspect that for the next month or two, my posts here will consist of one-word ejaculations, like "Fuck!", "Cunts!" and "Tired!"

Let us see what transpires.

Does this smack of desperation to you?

2009-11-30T07:08:00.003Z

Really, this is just incomprehensible:

The Climate and Health Council, a collaboration of worldwide health organisations including the Royal College of Nursing, the Royal College of Physicians and the Royal Society of Medicine, believes there is a direct link between climate change and better health.

Their controversial plan would see GPs and nurses give out advice to their patients on how to lower their carbon footprint.

The Council believes that climate change “threatens to radically undermine the health of all peoples”.

Firstly, until fucking doctors can reliably demonstrate useful basic diagnostic skills and nurses can stop trying to kill us with egregiously filthy hospitals, they can fuck off trying to tell me ANYTHING.

Secondly, on what possible basis can you argue that my doctor needs to tell me to worry about something that's (possibly) going to happen in 100 year's time? Fuck off, already, I haven't done my Christmas shopping, I've got e-fucking-nough to worry about.

Thirdly, how fucking desperate is this? We've caught caught the pro-AGW "scientists" cheating like absolute motherfuckers, so now they're wheeling out the fucking doctors and nurses?

Fourthly, ALL peoples?

And this is really the point which sets off my bullshit detectors on the whole AGW scam: there will be no benefits to warming. Everybody will be worse off. Instead of not freezing to death in winter (which is much more prevalent than broiling in summer) you will, instead, be killed just as hard by a warmer summer. The increased rain that will fall will only cause floods, there won't be fewer hose-pipe bans or better crops or anything like that.

And what are these fuckers getting so exercised about anyway? It's hundreds of years away, we don't know what the consequences are going to be and we don't even know if it's happening at all. You might as well tax us to help prevent another planet-shaker comet, for fuck's sake!

But I can see we need to keep our eyes on Professor Mike Gill:

"We have the evidence, a good story to tell that dramatically shifts the lens through which climate change is perceived, and we have public trust."

Mike, sweetie: there is no fucking evidence, your story sucks balls and I don't trust the NHS to tell me the fucking time.

What the fuck is it with these jumped-up, overweening, nannying, hectoring, bullying fucking doctors, anyway? Stop fucking sticking your busybody, authoritarian fucking noses into things that don't concern you. Start fucking doing your jobs properly.

Until you do, you can all fuck off and die.

Cunts.

Update: Leggy and Dick are equally unamused.

The wonder of English life

2009-11-29T10:17:00.003Z

Seriously, I have to wonder if it's me. I was stuck on a train, not late, but after dark with a large bunch of staggering drunk football supporters, one of whom thought it was the very acme of drollery to eject the most repellent flatulence I've ever had to survive (and anyone who has been in a Dubai taxi will know that it's a high bar!) when he wasn't staggering around bashing into people.

At one point, I thought the adrenalin- and booze-fuelled twats were going to kick off, because I could hear them hurling abuse at each other, even though my noise-cancelling headphones.

So there I was, on a wonderful English train for the best part of two hours, freezing on top because all the windows were open to allow the stench to escape and roasting on the bottom because the heating was on at full chat, eyes watering from the stink and occasionally having a fat smelly arse bashing me on the shoulder while enjoying the wit and banter of a bunch of drunken thugs.

And suddenly the socialist French looked so appealing.

Ah, the wonders of the NHS

2009-11-29T08:56:00.001Z

An old acquaintance of mine was born in Essex, but emigrated to one of the colonies when he was young. A long time ago. He grew up in the colonies, lived there, worked there but on his retirement, he hankered to return to the land of his birth.

The fool.

So, he called me the other day to say he was going back to the colonies for some pre-Christmas sun. It was a Sunday, I think. On the Wednesday, I got a phone call from him to say he was in hospital. I found this rather odd, although he had mentioned going to the NHS doctors a couple of times (fruitlessly, of course) before his trip. He had called his old colonial GP on the Monday morning and arranged to see him on the Tuesday. After a very thorough examination, the colonial GP decided that he had a hernia. So he booked him in for some new surgical technique on the Wednesday, the operation was done immediately and by the Thursday, he was out shopping and enjoying his holiday.

And I have to say, it sounded wonderful.

Imagine phoning up your GP and being able to arrange to see the doctor you want to see at a time you want to see them. The doctor then spends a whole fucking hour checking you up because you "feel a bit out of sorts" and actually finds something. You know, doing actual diagnosis and stuff. You are then wheeled into a (clean) hospital of your choice within 24 hours for what is, frankly, not exactly a life-threatening condition and operated upon immediately. You leave the hospital better than you entered it and without a dose of MSRA.

Or, of course, he could have gone to a hospital in Essex.

Turns out all I needed to cheer me up ...

2009-11-29T07:23:00.000Z

... was for my ex to have an attack of THE MENTAL so that my day would be fucked up completely and I'd have to rearrange my life at no notice again.

Fucking women, Jesus, why do we bother?

Better than Weird Al?

2009-11-28T11:25:00.000Z

Technically, certainly.

Black puppy?

2009-11-28T08:45:00.003Z

Despite it being a lovely day and despite having the penis extension available for a brisk run, I feel down. I woke up feeling like the world is on my shoulders and I can't seem to shake it.

I had to laugh

2009-11-27T20:49:00.001Z

I never read stuff in my spam folder, but the subject from one of them made me laugh:

FBI OFFICE GET BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY IF YOU DONT WANT US TO ARREST YOU FOR YOUR OWN GOOD‏

Those Americans, eh? One day they'll learn to speak English.

Fuck

2009-11-27T14:55:00.001Z

According to Bishop Hill, the wagons are circling:

1) Lord Rees (Royal Society) to be asked by UEA to investigate CRU leak.

2) Foreign Office and government leaning heavily on UEA to keep a lid on everything lest it destabilises Copenhagen.

3) CRU asked to prepare data for a pre-emptive release in past couple of days but trouble reconciling issues between data bases has stopped this.

Prepare for massive spin and damage control from the vested interests and rent-seekers.

CUNTS!

Sk8erbois

2009-11-27T14:25:00.003Z

I've just been out perambulating. My meanderings led me pastone of these purpose-built "skate parks" where da yoof can hang out and impress each other with their tattoos and their "moves". [Ed: is this how they say it?]

I was kind of baffled to see a group of 15-20 very, young boys all dressed in uniform (jeans, black t-shirt, beanie) "hanging out" and "busting moves", especially since it's a school day and they all looked of a school age. Indeed, about half of them looked like they should be in primary school.

I suppose if I were to go speak to them, I'd be "shanked" or accused of kiddy-fiddling, the schools are too busy brainwashing kids about global warming to worry about truancy and the rozzers would probably have me for wasting police time.

So, what the fuck kids - enjoy the day out, your education will sadly almost certainly be none the worse for cutting class.

Time to go to the shops, folks!

2009-11-27T09:38:00.002Z

But it's not what you think. You need to go lay your hands on some K-Y Jelly:

Dubai’s successful but hideous entrepot model depends on the confidence capital markets, and as a rule markets don’t react to nasty shocks with a shake of the head and a song and dance routine. It’s as if plague has descended on every stock exchange in the world; investors are fleeing for safety. Overnight, shares in Asia collapsed between 3 and 5 percent, and the FTSE, Dax and Cac40 have opened around one percent down. Prepare for another black day.

Will this blip develop into crisis? As the FT’s leader points out, Dubai’s fellow emirate Abu Dhabi can cover its neighbour’s stated debt. That it hasn’t implies that either the Sheikh of Dubai has had too much sun or the debt is larger than alleged. It is too early to turn panic into pandemonium by heralding the coming of the double of dip.

How far are British banks exposed? Gordon Brown has been terribly keen to define British identity, and under his leadership we now have an answer: our pre-eminent national trait is a flair for investing in duds. J.P. Morgan report that HSBC’s liabilities are £17bn and RBS’s stands at £200m, and who knows how far Barclays (who described Dubai debt as a ‘good buy’ last week) are exposed. If the UAE decides against rescuing its brash junior member, will further demands be made on the UK taxpayer? Between you and me, I suspect we will get a share in the Beckhams' grotesque bungalow.

Yes, taxpayers: it's time to drop your trousers and grab your ankles again. Because the banks have now been given their "moral hazard pass" by this wonderful government, and we're about to keep banks in lucre.

Fucking again.

Won't somebody think of the cheeeeeeeeeeldren

2009-11-27T07:42:00.003Z

People mock when this cynical broadside gets deployed. But really, what is this if it's not "Won't somebody think of the cheeeeeeeeeeldren"?

3 questions about climate change were asked of children and young people across England…

And not a single one of them was "what if AGW is a scientific fraud?" No, instead they were asked:

What do you think that you can do about climate change?

What can people in your local community, government, and the international Copenhagen conference do about it?

What worries you the most about climate change?

And who is it who is indulging in this shameful manipulation of children's opinions? Why, it's the ever-lovely Ed Bollocks and his cuntish crew, who don't have the time to make sure kids are taught how to read, write and do sums, but are definitely brainwashed into believing this guff.

Cunts.

Shock! Horror!

2009-11-26T13:14:00.002Z

I've taken a momentous step today: I've added Tom Harris to my blogroll.

I hope it damages his credibility as much as it damages mine!

Hmmm...

2009-11-26T11:46:00.001Z

Good: when your offspring volunteer to cook.

Not quite so good: when you find the gas is still open the next morning.

My flabber is absolutely fucking gasted ...

2009-11-26T09:38:00.001Z

I thought this was a pisstake. But if you follow the links ...

Dear Apple

2009-11-26T09:31:00.004Z

Why the fucking fuck should I need to fucking reboot my fucking PC, just because I've updated the worthless cuntwaftery that is your fucking QuickTime arsebiscuit? And why the fuck does your useless crap fucking lock up my browser when you pop up a dialog box telling me that your shit needs to be updated? And why the fuck does it make no difference whether I click "Update" or "Cancel", I still need to fucking reboot my browser?

Jesus, you fucking halfwits make Microsoft look competent by fucking comparison.

Idiots.

This is going to run and run ...

2009-11-26T08:43:00.001Z

Tip of the clown wig to the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle.

Prepare to lose a day or two ...

2009-11-26T08:03:00.000Z

... here.

Climategate: The Musical

2009-11-26T07:24:00.000Z

Google Wave Invites

2009-11-25T17:27:00.001Z

I have a couple, if anyone is interested. Email me ...

I just can't be arsed any more!

2009-11-25T16:19:00.003Z

I'm going to stop doing the Informix Roundup. It's tedious and of limited interest to most of my blog readers. If anyone else wants to pick it up, let me know.

CRU Computer Systems

2009-11-25T13:00:00.002Z