One salami slice at a time

So, on the one hand, you have kids spying for the councils, based on "bin crime" legislation; while on the other hand you have councils spying on kids using anti-terror legislation:

Councils are using anti-terrorism laws to spy on residents and tackle barking dogs and noisy children.

That's right folks, the same laws that are used to protect us against dangerous terrorists, like 80-year-old hecklers at Labour conferences, is now being used like this:

* Newcastle City Council used the Act to monitor noise levels from smoking shelters at two different licensed premises. The council has twice used the legislation to monitor noise from a vet’s practice following a complaint about barking. [Barking at a vet's practice? Wow! Right up there with 9/11, innit?]

* Blaenau Gwent County Borough Council used it to deal with 16 complaints about barking dogs. [Probably barking at dusky Jihadists.]

* Derby Council made sound recordings at a property following a complaint about noisy children. [I'm sure they were screaming their plans for overthrowing the government by force at the top of their voices.]

* Peterborough Council investigated the operation of the blue badge scheme for disabled drivers. [I've been there and moaned about the cunts abusing the scheme myself. But they're cunts, not fucking terrorists!]

* Poole Council used it to detect illegal fishing in Poole Harbour. [I can see how that would threaten the future of Britain as an independent sovereign state.]

* Basingstoke Council used photographic surveillance against one of its own refuse collectors after allegations he was charging residents for a service that should be free. The operation was dropped when it was decided the allegation was false. [And what about that nuclear bomb he was assembling in his shed?]

* Aberdeenshire Council admitted using the Scottish version of the Act to request the name and address of a mobile phone user as part of an investigation into offences under the Weights and Measures Act. [Well, of course! Weights and Measures Act transgressions, who knows where that could end up?]

* Easington council put a resident’s garden under camera surveillance after a complaint from neighbours about noise. [I can only assume they were test-firing AK47s.]

* Canterbury City Council used CCTV surveillance and an officer’s observations to monitor illegal street trading. [Illegal street trading funds terrorism directly. Doesn't everyone know this?]

* Brighton and Hove council launched four operations against graffiti artists ["Death to the infidel", the graffiti artists wrote. And that Banksy is actually Osama Bin Laden in drag, you know!]

* Torbay Council accessed an employee’s emails after an allegation that suspect material had been sent. A second employee was investigated over the “use of council vehicle for personal gain”. [He was showing an Al-Qaeda cell around vital sites.]

* Westminster City Council covertly filmed a locksmith following allegations of fraud. [He was making keys for terrorists, obviously!]

* Durham County Council obtained authorisation to monitor car boot sales during an investigation into the sale of counterfeit goods. [Counterfeit goods = funding terrorism. Everyone knows this.

This country is SO fucked.