Sunday 7 December 2008

You couldn't make it up

Seriously:

Plumber Martin Solomon, 62, was heard by neighbours as he shouted 'foul and offensive language' at his TV, magistrates in Stroud, Glos, heard.

His ranting put him in breach of an anti-social behaviour order (ASBO) which had been imposed at an earlier hearing to try to stop him shouting and swearing at the television whenever he disagreed with a programme.

Simon James, defending at Stroud Magistrates' Court, said: "Mr Solomon often drinks more than is good for him.

"He will have a drink and will return home.

"Then he will put on the television and if someone on the TV says something that upsets him, he will swear at the TV.


Right, I've read that over and over again, and it still doesn't make any sense. It seems to imply that if you are in your own home and you swear, you can somehow offend your neighbours and this gives them the right to ASBO you and take you to court?

I'm fucked then. Because every time I see that monocular snot-gobbling freak or any of his posse of assorted dingleberries, I scream abuse at the TV.

It's only a matter of time before I'm carted off to jail.

In the meantime, I'm going to raise a wee dram in honour of Martin Solomon.

Oh, and fuck off, you nannying hectoring interfering bossy-booted cuntfaced fuckmongering cumstains.

8 comments:

Trixy said...

I'm in serious fucking trouble. I can't watch Question Time anymore such is my hatred for the lying bastards. And the Today programme anymore must mean the neighbours have a 'Trixy swearing Alarm clock' every morning.

Fidothedog said...

I blame his legal representative. Had it been argued that he loves cyclops, votes Labour and has some sort of "illness" he would have been let go.

JPT said...

Are you allowed to shout abuse at your pc - if not them I'm in trouble!

Anonymous said...

Just more from the NuLabour thought Police - much easier to get someone for something like this than for the Police to go out & tackle robbers, rapists etc - and it will still give them a little tick on their book for 'another crime solved'.
I'll have a wee dram for Solomon too

RantinRab said...

It's fucking mental aint it! I'm speechless.

Anonymous said...

I read somewhere the other day about the neighbours from hell about whom the guy next door complained. He was pushed from pillar to post by police, council etc etc as nobody wanted to go and sort the buggers out. So who actually ACTED on the complaint this time? I think we should be told so that next time we have neighbours behaving objectionably we'll know the right office to call.

Dr Evil said...

He should have got a doctor's note claining a touch of Tourette's syndrome.

I have to be careful, often having to leave the room when Jackboot Jacqui or McBroon come on TV so I don't swear in fron to the children.

Anonymous said...

True story - the day Brown cancelled the election last year, I was watching the news for about 2 hours straight. I was swearing at Brown, Marr, Robinson, Michael White and that tosser James Langdale. My neighbours spoke to me about a week later and commented on the fact that they had heard me. "Sorry, I was swearing at Gordon Brown", I said. "Good for you", came the reply.