Friday, 23 January 2009

Derek Draper: WTF?

Has he been at the magic mushrooms or something?

I was in the middle of chatting to Hazel Blears and, glancing at my mobile had to utter the immortal words, "I'm sorry Hazel, I've got to take this, it's Bruce Forsyth". Little did I know at the time but Hazel is a massive fan of 'Strictly' and a rather good tap dancer. In fact, we ended up going to one of the recent shows with her and her husband and she nearly got up to join Bruce in the warm-up.

That wasn't the most incongruous mobile interruption I've ever had, though. I was once waiting to interview Jade Goody about her emotional struggles for Now magazine, and while waiting was on the phone to Harriet Harman. When Jade arrived I had to say to that great feminist standard bearer, "Sorry Harriet, I'll have to call you back, Jade Goody's here".


Namedropping: the sine qua non of tiresome, worthless and insecure fucktards everywhere.

Look at him, everybody! He's special!

22 comments:

polaris said...

New levels of sucking up achieved; congrats Mr Dropper

Cato said...

Fucking poser!

The Penguin said...

That has got to be a wind up diary by some naughty and clever bugger pretending to be Dolly.

Dolly does not write so well, has fuck all sense of humour and so couldn't have poked fun at himself so mercilessly.

Full marks to whoever.

The Penguin

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Penguin, I hate to break it to you, but I think he was being serious. :o)

The Penguin said...

You mean to say that really is Dolly writing about himself, and not a pisstake by someone a lot cleverer?

I am beaksmacked.

The Penguin

The Penguin said...

I've pasted the whole thing onto a Dolly thread over at Labourist.

It deserves to be widely read :-)

The Penguin

Leg-iron said...

I once passed the Archbishop of Canterbury in the street and he didn't recognise me. I had to stop him to give him my autograph.

Perhaps it was because I was on the phone to the Pope at the time. He wanted to know whether he should allow evolution or not. I told him no, it would take the fun out of it if his lot stopped wailing.

Would you believe it, as soon as the Pope rang off, that God fellow called and told me he had actually set up evolution so he'd have something new to see now and then. I told him he'd better keep that quiet, or both sides would get upset. Good thing he has me to keep him straight or this place would be in a right mess. Oh, I asked him if he wouldn't mind turning the thermostat up too. It's freezing here.

Anyway, can't hang around, I have to go for a pint with Thor and Odin, and they hate having to wait for their beer.

Never talked to the motorbike midget myself, although I think Loki might have something to do with her.

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

I once served scrambled eggs to Robert Powell the actor. Does this count?

Dennis said...

I saw John Sullevan, the racing commentator (RIP), on the Tube in 1970.

Top that, Derek.

The Penguin said...

Oh, could I just say that when working in the "hospitality industry" I once served Bamber Gascoigne and his missus ( I assume, ooo-errrrr!) dinner. And being young and gobby, I could not resist the "Here's your starter for 10 - there's a bonus of 15 if you get that right!"

If looks could kill, I'd have been long buried.

Meanwhile, what on earth is the ongoing media interest in Jade Goody all about? Fucking waste of skin.

The Penguin

John Pickworth said...

I'm always being mistaken for someone very famous. When I call up friends they almost always say...

"Oh God, its you!"

Its a burden but I carry it so well.

David Gillies said...

Frankly the only viable response to such levels of self-regard aimed at someone so clearly unworthy of it is being beaten to death with an enormous rubber cock.

Cato said...

David Gillies said...

Frankly the only viable response to such levels of self-regard aimed at someone so clearly unworthy of it is being beaten to death with an enormous rubber cock.


You bastard, I've just spat red wine on my keyboard!!!

Barnsley Bill said...

I once nutted Dennis Waterman in the bogs at the orange tree in Richmond because he was so pissed he splashed my loafers.
Top that try hards.

The Penguin said...

OK, I slapped Chuck Norris because he spilt my pint. He bought me a replacement, and then he and his entourage left quietly.

The Penguin

Barnsley Bill said...

very good Penguin, however my incident actually happened. Back in the early 80's when he had just left his wife and taken up with the ginga amazon, rula lenska.. He was a right piss head..

The Scumbag said...

"Jade Goody's emotional struggles"??

Can I be the first to register my total lack of giving a shit about that little article

Patrick McGroin said...

i have only ever seen i famous person in my life, it was ronnie corbett at the the opan at troon in the late 90's, i was like 9 or 10 and we still fucking short!

Idle Pen Pusher said...

This is especially important... dropping two names, from two different walks of life, into the same annecdote and it's not even that they happened to be at the same event.

Dolly is special indeed!

Addrianna Mole aged 13 said...

Gary Glitter fucked me up the arse when i was 12.
Beat that Dolly

crackers said...

I had a drink with Tony Christie on QM2. I think he fancied Mrs Crackers. We discussed golf.

Roger Thornhill said...

"When Jade arrived I had to say to that great feminist standard bearer, "Sorry Harriet, I'll have to call you back, Jade Goody's here"


From one ignorant harridan to another. At least Jade has the common decency to REALISE she is. Harman sits on her elbows.