Friday, 13 February 2009

A few kind words for my fellow road users in the Northampton area

Firstly, the dozy cunt in the Nissan Micra who would NOT get out of my fucking way for seven miles and then at the very last second dived across two lanes to catch the exit, nearly causing a seven car pileup: I hope you die screaming in car fire.

Second, the arrogant cock sniffer in the shitty old Vectra who wouldn't get out of my way for five miles and then at the very last second, etc., etc.: I hope you enjoy many quiet hours with painful face cancer as your last companion.

And finally, to the boot-faced old bitch in the Kia Sedona full of feral chavs. You look like you've lived a hard, bitter life. Well, keep it up, because you so fucking deserve it, you arrogant cunt.


The shitty vectra said...

Had yer blue light goin did yer? It's twats like you giv clowns a bad name. Own the fukin road do yer? Oo ja think ya are - Louis fukin Hambleton?

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Keep left. It's not a rule of the road, it's the rule of the road.

DavidNcl said...

Good drive in Obo?

JuliaM said...


Superb rant!

Dennis said...

Round here, in the middle of nowhere, White Van Man drives like a fucking lunatic on narrow country lanes.

There's one particular blind bend where I'm always deadly careful, whether driving or taking my pushbike for a health-giving but leisurely spin. Many and oft have I had to dive into the hedge to avoiding WVM oncoming at 60 mph.

One day in September I am returning from my bike-ride when I encounter a mini traffic-jam at this bend. I slow down, pedal past: a white Transit has been skewered by a huge steel spike, part of a thing fixed to the front of a colossal John Deere tractor which has just been engaged in picking up 4-tonne haycocks, or somesuch Farmer Giles stuff. The spike went through the offside windscreen and apparently missed this cunt's skull so narrowly that his ear was bleeding. He was standing by the side of his wrecked van, shaking, while other WV men & similar persons of no sense tried to comfort him.

"Didn't get him this time, then," I observed, and cycled on.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Better luck next time, eh, Dennis?

The Penguin said...

Oooh, nice one, Dennis.

Obo, when I first acquired the luxury of 4 wheels I had an interesting conversation with the then girl-friend, who wanted to know why I wasin such a bad temper. I told her I was not in a bad temper, and then she asked again, and I said that I wasn't in a bad temper at all, but that I could get into one if she kept asking. So she said that I must be in a bad temper as I kept shouting "CUNT!!!" at other vehicles.

Which amused me. I had always done this, but as a pillion passenger in a crash helmet she had never heard me.

The Penguin

Henry North London said...

I once had to get back from Kettering to Northampton after my 6th nightshift in a row

The drive should just take 10 minutes but there was an almighty queue of 18 cars on the A43

Guess what I over took the lot and found that some biddy was driving at 40 mph and causing an obstruction

I stopped Swore at her loudly and said it was a 60 mph road and got back into my car and zoomed off

Boy I was pissed off and tired

Why do folks insist upon driving so fucking slowly when on a national speed limit road?

an ex-apprentice said...

Just to wind up opinionated, self-important, bullying little Hitlers like you.

If it had been me you pulled up, I'd have kicked your arse out your fucking throat.

Stupid cunt.

Henry North London said...

Is that the best you can come up with?

Honestly Ive been called worse

Anonymous said...

If I saw a clown, presumably driving a clown car, in my wing mirrors, I'd get right out of the way, although I do feel that you'd struggle to keep up with me in your collapsible clown car, which if I remember rightly has square wheels. Keep up the good work, your anger deserves to be felt.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

I got rid of the square wheels, they were killing my back.

Chalcedon said...

Let me guess...........the A14?

Chalcedon said...

@ Dennis



Roger Thornhill said...

Country Lane Micra.

40mph on 60mph stretches.
40mph on 30mph villages.

Morons. Dangerous. Inconsiderate.

First, Second. Both.

Henry North London said...

@ Roger I heartily concur