Sunday, 17 May 2009

London sucks

If a man is tired of London, he must be tired of life, some Londonophile once wittered. He was definitely talking out of his fucking arsehole.

32 comments:

K. MacEgan said...

Sam Johnson?He used to go whoring up Soho with Boswell.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

I was in Glasgow all day yesterday. That was bad enough. Fuck going to Londonistan

Bob's Head Revisited said...

London is great as long as you don't live in it, or travel across it, or visit it.

microdave said...

We've just had one of our nephews round for a visit, he's currently living & working in London, and loves the "Cultural Diversity". I'm a couple of generations removed and detested the place the last time I went there over 20 years ago...

Clive Germs said...

Barry Humprhies paints watercolours in his spare time.

A friend once asked him who his influences were and which plinth he aspired to in the pantheon of watercolourists.

Barry stepped back thoughtfully from his latest canvass and let the paint drip on the floor for a few moments before solemnly pronouncing,

"Somewhere between Churchill and Hitler."

Anonymous said...

Microdave,

Hoxton and Shoreditch are very popular with the young diversity loving crowd but the strange thing is that despite being two minutes from Brick Lane and two minutes from Dalston they mix almost only with each other.

Richard...in what used to be the East End.

nbc said...

I've not been to London since the congestion charge started and I have no intention of going again.

Unless it's as part of an armoured division headed for Westminster.

John Demetriou said...

I moved out of London years ago mate. Alright for an occasional visit, but living there is a mug's game.

I'm London born and brought up and the only people who rant and rave about how great it is are star struck, bored home counties students and yuppies who want a bit of excitement and are bowled over by the sight of *people*.

It's a shit hole. Ruined by left wing politics over the years and rampant, uncontrolled immigration.

It's also a monumental rip off, vastly overcrowded and you'll be lucky to encounter anyone who speaks English in large swathes of the place.

Tip: move.

apocalypse nowish said...

And me that‘s actually contemplating moving there… Maybe I rethink that. :)

The Fact Compiler said...

Err.. isn't Samuel Johnson dead?

End of debate.

John Demetriou said...

apocolypse:

There are around 5 places I can think of that are worth living in London.

These will only count to you if:

a) you only plan on spending time in the nice part(s), which would essentially make you a reclusive type who is happy to live under a perpetual state of seige from the shitty more criminal areas.

b) you are wealthy enough to live in one of the 5 nice parts. Which would essentially make you a millionnaire.

Two words;

Don't bother

Blind Steve said...

The nicest thing I can think of to say about the place is that it smells slightly less of piss than it used to, probably due to all the rain we had last summer.

In some ways it reminds me very much of Paris, in that it's expensive beyond justification, filthy, over hyped, and stuffed full of ugly loud wankers who look down their noses at everyone who isn't from their city.

Even though they personally live in a shop doorway and eat out of bins.

It would be more accurate to say "when a man is tired of being jostled by people with ridiculous fake accents, dehydrating and suffering crush injuries on even short train journeys, being section 44'd at Kings X and cleaning air pollutants out of his mucus membranes every evening, then he is tired of London."

Oh, and : If you live a 45 minute tube journey away, you don't live "In London", you live in suburbia. Get. The. Fuck. Over. It.

I have to visit the festering shithole this week. Bah.

Catosays said...

Having spent all my working and commuting life in London, the best thing I ever did was to move out.
It took me ages to get used to shops where people actually spoke to customers and took their time over serving someone.

I loathe going back there now. As someone else said....a shithole.

If in doubt.....don't.

Bob's Head Revisited said...

I've lived and worked in London for 17 years and I've had enough. Sick of it. Me and Mrs B are heading out later this year to Marlborough or perhaps Salisbury. I don't want to live in London, I want to live in England.

Anonymous said...

its a GRADE-A shithole

Mitch said...

A bloke where I work(Midlands) just moved here from London he says its worth your life to walk the streets day or night.
he got fed up never hearing English spoken.

keep it its a toilet and politicians live there.

Garry said...

"and the suicide rate quadrupled overnight"
Douglas Addams

A Londoner said...

How very true.

Anonymous said...

“London is a modern Babylon.”
Benjamin Disraeli

Leg-iron said...

You sure you have that right?

I thought it was 'If you're tired of life, go to London'

I visited once. There won't be a twice.

Paul Brookfield said...

London is horrid - I'm glad I live up north.

Public Scrutiny said...

If your tired of London, your tired of miserable, rude arrogant people, and teenage hoodlems talking in fake patious.

the SO Solid crew are an example of why the fucking place needs an a-bomb.

Come on Al-Qaeda, do us all a favour!

Anonymous said...

Samual Johnson, at a time when Downing Street, where Boswell lodged, was in a rundown district full of whores.

Not much has changed.

The Penguin said...

Yes, but he was right about fucking Scotchland and it's people, though!

The Penguin.

LONDONTROOF said...

FEATURED ON LONDON TROOF

BECAUSE THE TROOF ABOUT LONDON, IS IN HERE, SOMEWHERE.

Anonymous said...

Oh god, lived there too long. Over-priced, miserable, gloomy, bad drunks...not what it tries to portray to the outside world.

Sleep New York Forums said...

Sam Johnson said that about London, but times have changed. We are discussing this very debate at the Sleep New York Forum here: http://sleepny.lefora.com/2009/07/08/london-v-new-york/ and would welcome some gossip about London on the forum from anyone here lucky or unlucky enough to live in London.

Anonymous said...

its a dump

Anonymous said...

London is a soul crushing hell hole.

I've been here for three and a half years and I'm dead inside, I'm sure that by now the stench of my putrid insides would overcome anyone who doesn't currently live in London.

I get paid over twice what I did before I came to London, but it isn't worth it. I'm leaving at the first opportunity.

Don't come to London, it will slowly but surely squeeze all life out of you until you are nothing but a shell of a person, drifting through life day to day with a blank look on your face having lost all hope.

byron william said...

Worst Place in the world!! The Gaurdian has it as Baghdad but londonistan can't be far behind. The Muslim population that now owns and runs he place is both militant ahd hostile, you can't find a local for miles and when you get a word out of them it's outside the tescos begging for money as their own government has chosen to starve the working classes. The politicians must be the classiest in the world and it's so convenient that Gordon Brown has a last name and face that coincide so conveniently, there's something really beautiful about the trio of brown straw darling that both characterizes the UK and some of the very unusual fetishes the people here practice.

I need to get out the place takes from you I have lost five years of my life here believing it's the place of opportunity nothing could be further from the truth.

Anonymous said...

It seems as if most of the people here don't like London because they don't like anyone who isn't white, and who doesn't speak English.

Well if you're a racist, bigot xenophobe, it's certainly not the city for you.

May I suggest somewhere racially homogenous, such as the Shetland Isles.

verbaliser said...

Reading these comments gives me the same warm glowy feeling you get when you've politely listened to a wanker drone at you at a party for an hour, only to realise afterwards that all the people you were there with hated him too. Why do we put up with it? Never calculated if the extra income is commensurate with the higher living costs. Then again, I live in Feltham - such a complete hole, and so violent that the little houses all crowd themselves together for protection...