A Downing Street spokesman later added: "We've put the country £1.4 trillion in debt, government ministers are chin-deep in sleaze and the cops are beating merry hell out of everyone. We just felt that the obvious next step was to tell thousands of heroic soldiers to go fuck themselves."
"But really, the best way to stop pork flu is to get it, takes some pills and watch the telly until you don't have it anymore."
Update: Sadly true:
Meanwhile the government yesterday launched its pork flu information campaign underlining the fact that despite 2000 years of civilisation the people of Britain still have to be reminded to use a fucking hanky.