Wednesday, 22 July 2009

People are strange part 2

Why is that people feel compelled to stop in shop doorways to fondle their genitals, have an extended conversation with a passing mate or slap the kid in the pram? RIGHT IN the fucking doorway, mind.

And why the fuck do they get a hair up their arse when I shove past them? What the fuck do you want me to do, you cunt? If you want me to have some fucking manners, set a better example yourself.



Lancastrian Oik said...

It's getting worse out there. Very few have any manners or civility anymore, and hardly anyone makes any allowance for the fact that, yes, there are other people in the fucking universe apart from you/your arsehole mates/your disgusting illegitimate brat in the pushchair that you've just fucking rammed into my leg.

These days I just stand my ground. I'm a big lad and look mean even though I'm a pussycat really. When the ignorant cunts bounce off me I usually respond by saying something like "Yeah- 16 stone and six foot tall. I'm easy to overlook" or just simply "try looking where you're fucking going. I find that helps me avoid bumping into other people". Nobody's had a pop back at me yet, apart from one dozy Brummie bastard who shouted back to me from a distance of 200 yards that I was a "sarcastic cunt" as I strolled away hand-in-hand with my wife.

Cunts. Ignorant fucking cunts.

Anonymous said...

Broad shoulders work, the 1000 yd stare works, muttering about Roswell 1947 works. Be inventive. If that doesn't work be a nasty fucker.

Anonymous said...

Pull out your mobile phone and ask for confirmation that you have swine flu.

Ross said...

Look you can criticise me for fondling my genitals in the shop doorway, but seeing as Top Shop, Dorothy Perkins and several other outlets have banned me from entering their stores where am I supposed to stand?

It's all very well criticising but what's your alternative?

The Adolescent 46 Year Old said...

I'm the same size as 'Lancastrian Oak' (6 feet and 16 stone) and I have a very unnerving psycho stare. Which comes naturally...

Oh yes, I shave my head and sport 'designer' stubble. And always wear black clothes.

So basically, I just look like a total madman! But as with 'The Oak', I'm a total pussycat! I have a very mundane job with the, ahem, NHS (you can throw rotten tomatoes now if you like), a wife, two great (VERY well-behaved teenage sons) and a mortgage.

And it's decades since I hit someone!

It's just... I look like a psycho! :-D

Strangely, I never get any lip from Chavs etc... Heh heh...

manfromthef said...

not cretins. it's deliberate. i've been studying this for years now. These are also the people who try to put their backs in your face. block the street and whirl a lot (turning round and round in front of you).

Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs said...

The other thing is when people come out of the tube entrance in rushour, see it's raining , stop right at the entrance blocking the hordes of people trying to exit.

One stupid bint did this to me many year ago and tried to open her umbrella, I was getting pushed from behind so I just gave her a shove - right under a cascade of flowing water from a broken overhead drainpipe.

She squealed and within a few seconds was absolutely drenched.

Served the dozy cow right.

cornyborny said...

Glad it's not just me that gets fucked right off by this behaviour.

I'm developing a pet theory as to the causes of this tangible deterioration in observational skills and 'common' courtesy, and I figure a big factor is fifty years of mass media advertising.

The average bear - whose information filtering skills are generally less than stellar - has been bombarded with shiny, solipsistic 'me, me, me' imagery from birth, as his/her parents were, etc. It's got to worm its way in there eventually, changing thought patterns on an individual and (to some degree) cultural level.

This phenomenon intertwines with other unhappy aspects of modern British life (poor school system, cultural Marxism and its credo of 'entitlement', increasingly superficial and infantilised pop culture, retreat from reason and responsibility of public figures/bodies) and voila: slags who tut at the existence of queues, don't anticipate other people stepping off the train, drop their McD's container two feet from a bin, and generally act as if everyone else is a CGI extra in their fucking biopic. GAH.

Angry Steve said...

It happens... and I've blogged about it before as well.

My other favourite is those with fucking huge umbrellas who attempt to hold the thing up a little higher to let you get past. I am 6'8" and the fuckers inevitably get the thing to eye level and no higher.

And while I am on a roll - what about the ignorant bastards who wear hats indoors?

Charon QC said...

Yep 6ft 1" 50" chest 33 waist and big arms... helps also that I specialised in karate when younger and taught Kendo... I also look a bit 'serious'.... (or can do when the need arises) I quite like it when people bump into me....

They are extremely surprised when I ask them, extremely politely, if they would like to do it again.

I can understand older people - especially in Winter - standing under the heaters at the entrance of supermarkets - but they also have eyes in the back of their heads. This would explain why they are able to stagger across the aisles as I approach with my trolley.

Finally... why the fuck to retired people 'Have' to shop on a Saturday. They do it, as I will when I am older, to annoy people who have to work during the week. Of this I am sure.