Friday, 28 August 2009

From the vaults (an occasional series) - The US Grand Prix tyre fiasco

I realise that this may be another of my "specialist rants", but fuck it, I really have to get this one off my chest:

ITV's fucking coverage of the US Grand Prix was the most blatant attempt at trying to brainwash its audience I've ever seen. It was that cunting bad, that I actually felt sympathy for Bernie Ecclestone, a total cunt and oxygen thief with billions of pounds in the bank and a hot babe for a wife -- and a 75-year-old poison dwarf to boot!

So Michelin (who supply the tyres for most of the cars in F1) didn't do their fucking homework on the Indy circuit and pitched up with a 747-full of useless fucking tyres, fit only for recycling into black condoms. Now, the rules clearly say what you can and can't do, and everyone had equal amounts of time to prepare for this little fiasco. But no, the cuntflaps arrive with the wrong tyres, not only that, but of all the options they brought, not fucking one of them was suitable.

Catastrophe! Three quarters of the cars run on Michelin. So, we get hare-brained compromise suggestions:
1. Michelin cars start from the back of the grid and promise not to go too fast, so that the tyres don't blow up at speed. What fucking cunt dreamed that one up?
2. Stick a chicane in the middle of a bend, just before the start of the race, and let no-one have a chance to practice. Christ almighty, sure, I'd fucking go into a race like that. Cars aren't set up for it, no-one's tested it -- sounds like a right old fucking winner to me!

Fucking ITV are only piously waving the cunting flag of righteousness because they know how this is going to fuck up their viewing figures. And that fat cut Martin Brundle actually tried to put Ferrari in the frame as being the people who stopped a compromise -- what a fucking tampon of a cuntstain he is. He must have been utterly gutted when Jordan's boss vindicated them entirely, the stupid fuck -- you could hear the disappointment in his sad little voice.

All the fucking Michelin drivers and team bosses were quick to say how they would have been up for a compromise, but when Bridgestone had to pull their cars from a previous Grand Prix, they had fuck all to say then. Neither did mister sanctimonious fucking Brundle.

ITV also tried to hint that the only reason Bridgestone didn't have the same fuckup, was that their US division, Firestone, had told them about the new surface a month ago and that this implied some dodgy underhandedness. Here's a clue, Michelin: the fucking road surface is not a national secret -- you can fucking see it on television footage.

There was all this fucking moaning about a hollow victory -- what a crock of shit -- Bridgestone kicked Michelin's arse so fucking hard, they didn't even get off the starting line. How? By doing their fucking homework for a race that would be watched by hundreds of millions of people.

Fucking cunts, wake up: the teams chose the cunting tyre manufacturer, the tyre manufacturer didn't do their cunting homework, the only people you can blame are fucking Michelin. Everyone else did their job.

Now fuck off and get over it, you stupid fucks!

Originally posted here.


geewiz said...

Gah, I fucking loathe Martin Brundle. The prick shoves his weight around on the start grid, trying for interviews and sucking Hamilton's cock at the same time. Git. Someone should run him over.

Michael Fowke said...

As for Martin Brundle, I remember one time when he tried to speak to Val Kilmer on the grid. Kilmer is notorious for giving journalists a hard time.

Well, Brundle approached Kilmer, and I was screaming at the TV screen: 'No, don't do it!' But Brundle did it. He tapped Kilmer on the shoulder. Kilmer turned around, and then the sound on the live transmission suddenly and mysteriously went dead.

Anyway, whatever Kilmer said, all the colour drained from Brundle's face. It was hilarious.

woman on a raft said...

He hasn't got a hot babe for a wife. She dumped him, taking a huge wodge of his money as he thought he'd been clever vesting it in her name.

Dunno if that helps or not.

Anonymous said...

You still in our country, porridge wog? Spewing out your techno-crap - who the fuck cares? Get off the internet and get back to jockland or face the wrath of the re-emergent Anglo-Saxon people! God, I hate rat-faced semi literate haggis-bashers!

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Hello Anonymong.

I'm English. You, on the other hand, are obviously Cretan. ;o)

Bye now!

Anonymous said...

Too bad Michelin wasn't a bank. The government would have saved them somehow.

Probably by making all cars take their tyres off and race on the rims. Then telling the winner he made too much money.