Friday, 18 September 2009

Guest Post: The Public by Frances the Mute

Expansive one this. However, I will focus on just one particular facet of the publics retarded nature for this post. The public, in supermarkets.

As usual, I saunter off to my local supermarket for lunch everyday. I pick up my supply of fresh fruit, water and cheeky sandwich. I find the hour break from work either going for a walk or sitting in the car listening to music, gives me the impetus to actually trurn back up after the hour has finished. Needless to say, it's a special little break in the day for me.

Now, it's been infiltrated by special people. The public.

Maybe it's a knee jerk response to the promise of a Christmas shopping bonanza that is currently touting it's wares everywhere. But, the place has become over run with feckless mindless dullards; with no actual concept of a world revolving around them or spacial awareness.

Burrowing around like the vermin they are, stockpiling food for the inevitable nuclear winter that is November, they are becoming increasingly fucking annoying. Today saw a few incidents.
People fighting over the discount shelves for the rarest of all home cook pizzas; the one that tastes like a franchise pizza store pizza. A mad scramble for cut price houmous and courgettes. A veritable bounty, I think you'll agree...

After lifting my incredulous jaw up off the floor, I beat a hasty retreat to the fruit section for my daily banana fix. And there bless her, is someones gran - loose and in charge of a trolley. Quite why she finds the need to pull the trolley, instead of guiding it in the direction of her travel in front of her is patently best known only to her.
Of course, the first victim is Mr Polish Bricklayer from the site across the road. Shinned like a good 'un, you can bet he's going to ask his gaffer for some leg protection when he gets back to the site. Either that or a week off...
Next up and almost instantly after, is the three year old toddler on a leash to his mother. Naturally, the leash and an unsuspecting mother are no match for 50 kilos of indiscriminately guided steel. Yup, the kid takes a hit in the shoulder. Enough to put him on his ass and start crying.
I actually laughed at this one. I'm not a fan of the small people.

So, two down in mere seconds. Who's next? I have to admit, I was compelled to hang around and take valuable time out of my lunch hour, to see what precipitated next. Unfortunately it wasn't that exciting. She took out a small stack of apple crates. She still mananged to make a mess and the crates were heavy enough to offer resistance, so they blind twat actually made the effort to review what could possibly stop her expiditing her lethal trail to the checkout.

I felt like asking her why she was so fucking stupid, given the fact she had been on the earth much longer than I so it stood to reason she'd have a clue about shopping trolleys. But, decided against it. I'd probably end up in the local gaol house with a pending harrasment case hanging over my head. You can't say boo to a goose these days...

Old people...they don't just smell of piss you know

Originally posted here.

9 comments:

Mark Wadsworth said...

"spacial awareness"?

"spatial awareness", actually.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

I didn't edit them. :o)

John Bull said...

Soooo...you don`t like the little ones,you don`nt like the old ones,or it seems the Polish ones, i do`nt think you like anyone
And yet you still find time in your lunch hour to follow them around supermarkets.
Creeeepy!!!.

There was a time when people would offer assistance to the elderly if they were in need of it.

Lets hope you never grow old.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Fucking hell, do you even know what "Guest Post" means?

microdave said...

JB - If you had spent some time with/around old people you would know that it's often impossible to offer them any help, however nicely you try. They become set in their ways, and won't change for anyone.

I'm sure, from reading the post, that "Frances the Mute" is aware of this, and my experiences of supermarket shopping are very similar. I try and visit during less busy times, when I may be lucky enough to complete my purchases without being barged into by people (of all ages) who seem totally oblivious to their surroundings.

Nick said...

I FU@KIN hate people not because they know more than me or i know more than them or they are better than me or i am better then them, but because they assume my space is there’s, that their rituals are mine. FUC@ right off i will leave them alone if only they would leave me the FUC@ alone!!!!

http://newslion.blogspot.com/

John Bull said...

Microwavedave-for your information i have spent time with/around elderly people and have never found it impossible to OFFER! assistance, and i have never made the assumption that my OFFER! would be rejected due to them being¨set in their ways¨.
I think that ¨Frances the mute¨is aware that asking an elderly lady¨why she was so fucking stupid¨etc may get a negative reaction from her and probably anyone else who had noticed him loitering around her.
If she was struggling with the heavy apple crates why not offer to assist, and i`m not sure how she managed to bump her trolly into so many people while pulling it behind her,perhaps she was distracted by his staring,maybe he should get out of peoples way instead of loitering and being creeepy!

woman on a raft said...

I thought it was special awareness.

It ought to be special awareness.

Edgar said...

Frances the Mute?

If only.

Real nasty piece of shit. Cunt.