Tuesday, 13 October 2009

Right up to the brim

Yes, that's where my confidence has been filled up to:

Scotland Yard is battling to stop criminal gangs turning London into the identity theft capital of the world.

The gangs are setting up fake-ID factories using printers bought at high street shops. The Met has shut at least 20 “factories” in the last 18 months and believes more than 30,000 fake identities are in circulation.

Police examined 12,000 of them and established they were behind a racket worth £14 million.

So far, so very, very vin ordinaire. However:

One £750 printer was withdrawn from sale at PC World after detectives revealed it could produce replicas of the proposed new ID card and EU driving licences.

Jesus fucking Christ! What the fuck was all that cunt-buggering arse-waft from that fat, useless cunt Jacqui Smith about how fucking impossible it was to fake these fuckers, when £750 in PC-fucking-IT-dumpster-diving-World can get you the equipment you need?

How the fuck can fucking idiots still trumpet that cock-sniffing about how you've got nothing to fear if you've done nothing wrong? If some cunt takes your ID and uses it to commit a crime, then leaves your "unforgeable" ID card behind at the scene, you're fucking cunted, aren't you?



sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

I've given up even thinking that this fuckwit government will be able to get anything right.

Time to sack the lot and start again.

I think you should start running the country, O Clown. Consider standing for parliament!

At least we'd get free wigs and facepaint.

JuliaM said...

Not sure about the legalities of the police asking for the printer to be withdrawn from sale, either. What about all the ones already sold?

Do plod get to kick your door down and remove your equipment (Oo-er, missus!) in case you aren't using it to print pictures of Lolcats for your office wall?

Angry Exile said...

Not sure about the legalities of the police asking for the printer to be withdrawn from sale, either. What about all the ones already sold?

And is the same printer available abroad? Doesn't seem to achieve much if you can buy the things at Le Monde PC and set 'em up in a back street office near the French end of the Chunnel or something. And why assume that everyone who buys one will misuse it? When are they going to stop treating 60 million people as potential criminal all the fucking time?

microdave said...

If these were/are laser printers the technology to "trace" the owners already exists:




microdave said...

Sorry, for the second link just use the first line.

Joe Public said...

Gordon's going to sell-off the franchise.

Andy Arbuthnott said...

Quote du jour from last nights telly. (Murder case and the rapier intellect of Hampshires finest doughnut eaters is on display). "We found male semen on the womans body". If you can find female semen I'll get you the Nobel Prize for Biology!

Anonymous said...

I saw this story in the Evening Standard whilst in the pub last night; even after five pints of Guinness it struck me as being utter bollocks.

Now I don't like PC World at all; but I can never recall seeing a printer in the local one being priced at more than about £250; even the currently most expensive printer on their website (not available in store folks!) is £399, only just over half the price of this apparent £750 device.

Even then, DCI Nick Downing goes on to comment that "This is real bespoke equipment" in which case "bespoke" kit would not be sold in any retail outlet, let alone PC fucking World. Twat.

Additionally, the success of this operation has resulted in "over" 20 factories being "smashed", with 27 convictions for a total jail-time of 40 years. Which gives 1.35 convictions per factory, effectively means these factories are essentially one man and his dog in his back-bedroom. Additionally, the average jail-time is 1.5 years, giving the offender with parole etc, only about a year inside, which suggests either that the convictions aren't for anything anywhere near a major offence (such as forging currency) or that the actual conviction is possibly for resisting arrest, or obtaining property by deception.

Finally, IIRC, this sentence "Many of the forgeries are “know your customer” documents such as utility bills and driving licences, which are then used to open bank accounts under false names" wasn't in the print version I saw last night. Basically this just sums it up; the crims were basically printing fake EDF, or British Gas or what have you bills, probably on kit costing about £60, and opening bank accounts. That's it. There's probably no ID theft, just ID creation, before any national ID scheme comes in, which represents a pretty simple attack on the national ID database outlined by Bruce Schneier (sp?) about 3-5 years ago. Possibly even longer, as I think he noted the basic technique was used pre-WW1 by agents of all sides.

So shite reporting, and utter shite talked by the Met's "ID fraud expert" who has made himself look a right twat IMHO. I wonder what PC World get out of it, and what the next story will be.