Monday, 16 November 2009

Twat Gear

Enough already, somebody take this tired old fossil out and put it out of my misery.

The last couple of series have suffered from ADHD-like levels of inability to keep a single shot for longer than a nanosecond. Watching Top Gear would almost always leave me with a headache from this constant flickering between angles. What is the point of crafting all these wonderful images of beautiful cars if you don't give the viewer the chance to enjoy them?

And then there are the challenges. I think we have done them all now and it's starting to get fucking boring. Plus, the presenters are all cocks in one way or another, so we don't really care who wins and we'd be happy to see them all fucking lose.

It says a lot when someone on PistonHeads, PISTONHEADS for fuck's sake, says that the best part of the show was when James fucking May reviewed a fucking Dacia fucking Sandero. It is such that the best part of the show for me was watching Eric Bana drive a fucking Suzuki Liana. I.e., not a fucking supercar and not one of the regular cocks on the show.

I realise it's "entertainment" and not a serious car show, but really, fucking entertain us then. The scripts are shite, the ideas are weak, the "gags" are insultingly moronic and the presenters are doing this all in their sleep.

Really, this is absolutely shite. And Fifth Gear is just as pointless and tepid.

13 comments:

Dippyness. said...

A fellow non fan! Used to watch, but jeeezzz...they don't really know the difference between the bonnet & the boot!
Not one of 'em could drive a "real" monster of a car. They need idiot proof ones to make 'em look good.
Not even mildly entertaining nowadays. :-(

Bristol Dave said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Oleuanna said...

I think you will probably find that you have reached the age to watch Last of the Summer wine.

I enjoyed watching the DBS for an hour.....if you don't like it turn it off.

love a Top Gear fan who feels they can do no wrong.....well maybe squish Hammond into 245mph soup.

Bristol Dave said...

I think last night's episode was better than the previous series which was shite.

I also think it's becoming too scripted now, it always has been, but it's getting ridiculous now. They're dramatising it just that little too much - like last night, with the lorry mashing the Dacia Sandero and James crashing the Lambo into that shitbox. It's getting to the stage where you can't really believe anything that happens, and if that's the case, what's the point in arranging it?

Still, at least it's finally in HD.

And if you want to talk about dullness, 5th Gear really IS dull. It's forever trying to compete with Top Gear and failing miserably.

aljahom said...

As a for-ever Top Gear fan, I though last night it was just me who was in utter despair.

For the first time I can remember, I almost turned it off half way through.

The core problem now, is that Top Gear is a global formula. And forulaic it is.

Watch an episode of Top Gear Australia. Same set, same features, same expressions & phrases.

It's done for and I see no way back.

Of course, it's one of the BBC's biggest money spinners, so it's gonna be milked to death. WIth Clarkson getting incredibly rich off the back of it, he's hardly likely to stop.

Michael said...

With you on the angles. The Romanian road scene was crying out for some in-car footage for more than a few seconds.

BTS said...

I watched the Towering Inferno instead.

MTG said...

Intellectually, Clarkson has yet to top the public entertainment debut of igniting his methane.

Oldrightie said...

My Mrs OR enjoyed it. I was busy setting up my webcam!

Obnoxio The Clown said...

@oleuanna: if I want to stare at an Aston Martin for an hour, I can pour a glass of champagne and go sit in the garden.

Personally, I prefer driving them. ;o)

Fidel Cuntstruck said...

Mr Clown, you are an incorrigible cock waver.

Anonymous said...

Stop watching television and save the licence fee.

I gave up 40 years ago (40 effing years! *Sob*).

Hope the champoo is Bolly; it beats Louis Roederer BP.

David Davis (Libertarian Alliance) said...

Remember that it's the BBC that makes Top gear.

The BBC having become what the BBC now is, it must go to all lengths to make cars in general, and anti-Enemy-Class presenters (retained for the purposes of "even-handedness" and "unbias") look ridiculous, wooden, galumphing and boring, not to mention anti-environmental.

Personally, I only weep for all the poor, tortured expensive tyres they must go through on those supercars, when they do all that pointless and smoking "circle work" and handbrake turns, on that track.

I had a Vauxhall Calibra once (4x4) when I was a younger rich-man, and you had to change the tyres in fours (or twos at the very least) and they were £125 each in 1999! And that's a nothing-car, a zero, in their terms...

No sorry. Top gear is all right, and it is sometimes quite funny. Specially when that irredemediaby-rude man Clarkson has a cockup. But after (how many?) series, and budget cuts, they are running out of ideas.

They could always do Citroen Picasso Racing in winter in ByeloRussia, of course.

I think James May should be Prime Minister. he could not be worse than Cameron.