Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Nothing will go wrong, I promise!

Cunts:

Poor families will also receive 12 months’ free internet use under the terms of the Home Access scheme, launched next year, which will allow parents to spend up to £500 on a computer from an approved list.


Five hundred quid????????

Jesus, I bought the current Mrs Clown a new laptop in the sales and you can get a fucking lot for £500! We got a fuck-off HP for £400. What's wrong with a £300 netbook for the fucking cunts anyway?

The move is part of a bid by ministers to drive up standards in deprived areas, with the white working classes thought to be at particular risk of being left behind.


Ah. Labour out buying votes with my fucking money again.

CUNTS.

Vernon Coaker, the Schools Minister, said: “We want to give every pupil personalised learning.


Well, Vernon Cockhead, can I suggest that instead of fucking pissing money up against a wall for laptops that these cunts will sell on ebay immediately after you fucking give them the dosh, why don't you rather fucking focus on the fucking schools, you fucking incompetent spendthrift fucking turd?

Why the fuck are you once again fucking abrogating your fucking responsibility, which is actually fucking schools and hoping that these cunts will sort out their own education via the fucking intermong?

You unspeakable incompetent piss-boiling cuntwaft of a fucking poltroon.

27 comments:

Martin said...

"from an approved list"?
No doubt they'll all be jacked-up prices from one supplier, and the owner just happens to be friends with certain bureacrats...

Ryan said...

Not 'no doubt' - certain, I worked for a company bidding on it, who usually get lots of stuff related to the coop due to having a thieving nulabour cockmuncher as MD.

Mitch said...

Capita anyone or fujitsu-semen (sic) the usual suspects. Why the fuck dont they.......oh fuckit im too angry to suggest something sensibe cos this is just fukin wrong.

Pc world wont be happy either no more cheap pcs with norton(ho ho) for chavs on finance.

Anonymous said...

"Jesus, I bought the current Mrs Clown in the sales and you can get a fucking lot for £500! "

I would amend this quickly & quietly before Mrs Clown finds it.

Catinthehat x

JuliaM said...

"No doubt they'll all be jacked-up prices from one supplier, and the owner just happens to be friends with certain bureacrats..."

We should open a book. Will it be EDL? Crapita? Fujitsu-Seimans?

Oldrightie said...

I assume the previous Home Secretary's hubby will teach them what to look for? Or perhaps Jaqui herself?

Mitch said...

Whats the betting that after this moronic scheme starts that the cheapest PC available in the UK becomes £499.99 CUNTS!!!!!.

Anonymous said...

Obo - you are far too reticient when describing Coaker & Pals. Don't hold back - speak your mind.

cartermagna said...

"We got a fuck-off HP for £400. What's wrong with a £300 netbook for the fucking cunts anyway?"

Why give them anything? You want a computer? Fine, get a fucking job and buy one.

Customer: "I want a refund!"
Brian Potter off Phoenix Nights:"Well I wanna moonwalk son but life's a shithouse."

1327 said...

My money is on the supplier being Viglen a company owned by a certain Alan Sugar. Also given this govts closeness to them I'm betting the chavtasic PC will run Windows as well. If you give a chav a bare Windows PC then if it hasn't been sold in under 3 days it will be alive with Spyware and by the end of the week it will be unusable.

Simon Cooke said...

...the term "approved list" is there! Wonder how big a bung to the Labour Party you have to make to get on that list?

inessi said...

Theres free internet access at my library. Second hand laptops are 10 a penny. This is just cockwaffle. The people who arguably need access are the elderly. Its free classes they need, not free puters. I do wish they'd get that election called.

Mitch said...

It will have a new custom OS called "looking thru your windows 2010" it will consume 99% of system resources,send copies of all emails to the home office and endlessly blame the previous OS for all the problems you encounter.

Eventually the graphics chip will kick the CPU out and the whole thing will stop working.

JuliaM said...

Mitch wins teh thread..! ;)

Joe Shmo said...

I am positively apoplectic upon reading this.

I told him so. Maybe you would like to as well

coakerv@parliament.uk

SpiteK said...

What the cunting fuck? I have to fucking PAY for my PC, with money I fucking earn. Why the fuck should benefit-dwellers get it for free? Wrong. Fucking unbelievably cunting-well wrong.

Oh, wait, it's a Liebore (mis)government isn't it? Never mind then, it must be "for the greater good" and other such shit.

Anonymous said...

Even if they don't sell the fucking thing for their next heroin fix or swap it for a pit-bull, all they'll use it for is streaming shitty 'movies' which they could have watched on the telly anyway.

Leg-iron said...

The only thing this will achieve is to send RedTube down due to the surge in traffic.

They won't be using them to learn anything other than some new positions.

Mr Angry said...

£500 also happens to be how much it costs to buy a vote from a chavvy scum.

Why doesn't the New Baked Potato (tm Legiron) stand up in parliament and say "You really are taking the fucking piss, you cunts!" If he did that, he'd get my vote.

Mr Angry said...

Oh, and internet explorer default home page will be Jacqui Smith's husband's one : SpunkMoney.com

filosofee said...

Agree with you Obnoxio, access to a free, £500 laptop serves what purpose exactly? Give people the opportunity to better their prospects properly, not through gimmicks.

Anonymous said...

Vernon Coaker Cunttwat son of a jackal doesn't mind throwing my money around on scum whose parents blow their benefits on plasma televisions.

I hope Coaker doesn't get cancer, I just hope that all of his family does, so he can watch.

Lose your seat Coaker, then lose all who are dear to you, one by one.

Anonymous said...

I make that £23.5 Million pounds(plus cost of the bureaucracy)of our money to bribe chavs to vote for ZanuLabor.Fortunately,most of them are too idle and stupid to vote.(Anyone recall Balls about a year ago,saying that schoolkids' low exam results were due to spending too much time on the internet?)

J. Derek said...

Just SO wrong, in just so many ways - which is why I now live in Norway ...

My advice to you all - emigrate a.s.a.p. ...

Anonymous said...

It seems you owe me £400...I'd take it out of your face if you hadn't been shortchanged on that already.


The 'soon to be ex' Mrs Clown

Obnoxio The Clown said...

"I'd take it out of your face if you hadn't been shortchanged on that already"

Harsh.

But fair, I suppose. :o)

Anonymous said...

And I get to pay for the little scrotes to have internet access at all because of the "broadband surcharge" that Liebour have added to my bloody phone bill. I have to work just to provide laptops, Sky Tv and Plasma tellies to people who think I should work harder to keep even less. Total benefits I am entitled to? Bugger all! and yes, I earn less than £20k but am trying to improve that situation. (I must be bloody mad)