Under the Labour proposals, residents could trigger takeovers of individual police divisions within a year, with chief constables facing the sack if they fail to meet minimum standards after three years
Three years? Who wants to wait three fucking years for something to be put right? And who gets to decide these minimum standards? That wouldn't happen to be the fucking government, would it? And who gets to measure the police against these standards? That wouldn't be the fucking government, would it?
Labour will also pledge that a third of all secondary schools would be merged or put under the direction of new “superheads” to spread the benefit of existing reforms.
Oh, hoo-fucking-ray! So good schools will be merged with bad schools to "spread benefits"? Yeah, sure, that's gonna fucking work, isn't it?
Addressing voter concern over immigration, the party will pledge to extend the English language requirement to all new applicants for public sector jobs.
WHAT? You mean you don't have to fucking be able to speak fucking English to "work" in the public sector? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK???????????
It will also promise to increase the minimum wage and outline new measures to tackle youth unemployment.
Yay! Job destruction and more splurging on useless initiatives that will "help" three people.
Labour will offer guaranteed levels of public service with rights of redress where they are not met.
Great. So if the public service - that I already pay for - fucks up, then Gordon's going to steal more money from me to give back to me. After three years and filling in eleventy-bazillion forms, it will give me back 50p after extorting another £50 from me.
I like that idea.
It will pledge to let patients go private if they are not treated by the NHS in time ...
Look, if the NHS doesn't treat you in their ludicrously generous target times, you're fucking dead already.
... and to double paid paternity leave to four weeks.
Who's paying for this fucking paternity leave? Me? Or is this coming out of Gordon's personal fucking back pocket?
Let me fucking guess.
What a load of utter shit.
Update: The Daily Mash sums it up well.