Thursday, 1 April 2010

Standing for parliament

I've been mulling it over, and inspired by Old Holborn's example, I've decided that I'm going to stand for Parliament. I think I may have missed the deadline for signing up as an official LPUK candidate, so I may stand as an "Independent Libertarian" or some such.

I've had enough of the shameless, arrogant cunts who think they know better than all of us. I'm prepared to take the pay cut to stand up and speak truth to power.

I am, however, entirely clueless as to how this all works and while I can Google stuff, I would be grateful if anyone could provide me with any definitive pointers as to how to go about this.

Fucking hellski.


Constantly Furious said...

"I am, however, entirely clueless"

In which case, you will make an excellent MP.

BTS said...

I think the only major prerequisite for becoming a member is a large sack with 'Swag' written on the side..

Simon Cooke said...

Took you a while to get round to it! Basically you need 10 names of currently registered local residents, an agent and a cheque for £500. All submitted by the nomination day...

...if you're serious about wanting non jokey advice e-mail me at

And don't back out if it now you've said!

Anonymous said...

Nearly had me going until I checked the date!


Pavlov's Dalek said...

Do keep us informed of which constituency and whatnot

Hopefully someone can bring Frank Davis on the case aswell

J Demetriou said...

I can offer a few tips and advice, but I won't be your agent because been there done that too stressful. And it's a legal obligation.

I commend you though, for standing as an INDEPENDENT candidate, rather than on someone else's dubious ticket. And I support you entirely...morally that is.

Basically, use the net, swat up, contact the Town Hall for info and if you do decide to rock and roll, be ultra anal about keeping all related receipts as they'll need to be submitted.

Antisthenes said...

The basic rule you need to learn if you have any hope of being elected is to lie (the bigger the better) and make promises that you have no intention of keeping (the more outrages the better) just like the main parties do. Of course you will have to be better at doing it than them and they have had years of practice. So you have your work cut out. Then of course you need talents in other areas such as being good at character assassination, making people believe you know absolutely about everything when in fact you know nothing and the right way to kiss babies without being peed or shit upon.

Whatever you do do not come over all honest and full of integrity or that you are going clean up politics voters hate it as they believe you are lying.

Uncle Marvo said...

Standing against Holby might be a bad idea.

I have a better one. You'll need a big drum of diesel and some fertiliser though. It should cost less than £500, that's the upside.