Via Mark Croucher on Facebook:
As British airspace was closed following the eruption of an Icelandic volcano, there were fears that Europe was once again isolated.
As the cloud of fine white particles began to drift over Cheshire, Iceland said that it may yet be forced to recall Kerry Katona, who could probably get it all up her left nostril in a single snort.
Comenting on these reports, Ms Katona said, “That’s why mums go to Iceland”.
Icelandic spokesman Shagyar Dottirson denied that the eruption was a release of the pent up feelings of Icelandic citizens annoyed at the EU’s stance over the collapse of their banks, and said he could give no indication of when Europe would cease to be isolated.
Meanwhile, Europe’s isolation looked set to continue as a spokesman for Eurostar said it had all 8 of its trains stuck in the Channel Tunnel due to an electrical fault caused by the wrong type of dust.
Weather forecasters expect the ash cloud to persist for several days. A European Commission spokesman said in Brussels that they were fearful of the effects of not being able to transport British cash to Europe for a period of up to 48 hours, but said emergency arrangements were in place to ensure that the wholesale robbery of British taxpayers could continue unabated as soon as their isolation ceased.
"Luckily, no-one will ever know, as there is a general election campaign in Britain at the moment. There's no danger of any discussion about the EU", he said.
President of the European Council Herman van Rompuy said, “I don’t like the British anyway, but not having access to British taxpayers pockets on a daily basis is inconvenient. We may have to stop wasting cash for a few days. On the plus side, it means Baronness Ashton can’t get here.”