Friday, 28 May 2010


Aha! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha ...

May of us are fed up with the way in which philosophy, the humanities and higher education more generally is treated by university managers and administrators...What ever [subject] cannot account for its measurable success and whatever does not bring in money has no longer a place in the university, we are told.

My heart fucking bleeds for you fucking cunts. The reality of it is that you academic fuckwafts want to have your cake and eat it too: you want no academic fees and you don't want the university to make any money either.

Newsflash, fuckers: out here in the real world, the taxpayers have run out of money. Either you endorse kids getting charged full whack for their courses, at which point they can make their own minds up about the value, or you have to live with universities ignoring you at the expense of things that actually pay salaries.



Uncle Marvo said...

This'll upset a couple of cunts, see if I care.

A man with a degree in maths would ask "why does this work?"

A man with a degree in engineering would ask "how does this work?"

A man with a degree in philosophy would ask "would you like fries with that?"

Bucko said...

LOL @ Uncle

One of the waitresses at a pub I worked in once said that she was starting Uni in a couple of months.

I said "What are you doing? Phsychology and sociology?"

"How the fucking fuck did you know that!" she says.

She sulked for the rest of the day after I told her it was fucking typical.

John R said...

I really think the US system of charging the full cost of degrees and letting the market value them has got to be best.

Unless you have a "college fund" (ie that your parents have saved on your behalf) you have to borrow. If the college is rubbish and/or the course is rubbish then you wont be able to borrow to study there.

Also the fund will have taken years to accumulate and I'm fairly sure your parents wont let you waste it on a junk degree.

So there is consumer pressure for high standards in both institutions and courses. Lack of this explains we why are now all funding Chardonnay to go to the University of Nowhere to get a degree in Fung Shui.

microdave said...

@ Uncle Marvo - a man with no degrees would just build the fucking thing, then watch as horrified "experts" cry "but that shouldn't be possible!"

From personal experience....

Uncle Marvo said...

A man with no degree would build it by hand, implement it, and when they realised they couldn't do without it he'd put the "documentation" in the firesafe which, if anyone tried to decode it, would reveal a full-colour picture of his knob.

Well, that's what I did, anyway.

Anonymous said...

I wondered who's know that was Marvo, you need to get them warts sorted pal.

Peter S said...


Ha, ha, ha. So very true from my experience as well.

Sperm Lewis said...

A journalist on the South Wales Argus (Nick) once told me how his career on a top shelf publication called 'Knave' magazine came to a premature end.

A teenage model had been engaged to pose for some glamour shots. This Ingenue was managed by her mother, who had ultimate editorial control over the photographs that could be used. The Ingenue turned up to a photo shoot for 'Knave' magazine, organised by some old roue of a photographer who, we can imagine for the purposes of The Drama, bore a strong resemblance to Leslie Phillips, mopping his brow and straightening his cravate between shots and occasionally exclaiming 'Ding Dong!'.

The shoot went ahead and the Ingenue's mother gave directions as to which pictures could feature in the magazine and which were strictly embargoed. One lunchtime, Nick, who had been working on an imaginative composition for the edification of his readers had business in the office of the photographic editor. He found the photos on the editor's desk, sorted into two neat piles.

He did what anyone else in his shoes would have done. He crossed his arms, put one hand on each of the piles and deftly swapped them around while no-one was watching. Result: Instead of a portfolio of bucolic and mildly arousing shots of the Ingenue, the next issue of the magazine featured a montage that would have melted the lead in a stained glass window.

After the Ingenue's mother had rang up threatening legal armageddon, a hurried internal inquiry was held, quivering fingers of suspicion all pointed in the same direction and Nick was given his cards by Knave magazine.

The end.

microdave said...

I'd love to know which "Ingenue" that was! I think I have some old copies of Knave tucked away somewhere....

Truculent Sheep said...

One point to make - Middlesex was awarded RAE money for its Philosophy department's work, which it will continue to claim even after the department is closed and until the next RAE in 2014. A bit of a pisstake, but that's university management for you.

Also, philosophy, culture and ideas is what seperates us from the 'red in tooth and claw' natural world. Still, never mind. Shallow materialism all round and to hell with anything that can't be given a price tag.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

That's all fine and dandy, but who's paying for it?

In the USA, wealthy philanthropists chuck (their own) money at this kind of thing. Here, the government buttfucks it out of us, with no option for lube.

If I had billions of my own, I'd happily chip in to fund one of those things that differentiates us from red in tooth and claw nature. But since I'm struggling to make ends meet on my salary, I'm afraid I'd prefer to forego that particular pleasure this year.

Man with Many Chins said...

"Fuckwafts" notes that one down for future usage...

Poor cunts.