Tuesday, 18 May 2010

How to wreak revenge on Labour

It will cost you a pound and it all starts here.

The Labour Party is so desperate for members that it is offering the first year of Labour Party membership for just £1. In exchange for that £1, you get all the perks of Labour membership, such as voting for the leadership.

And that means that for just £1, you can help to inflict someone as useless as Diane Abbott or as poisonous and divisive as Ed Balls or Harriet Harman on the Labour Party. And immediately after the coronation of whichever cunt you helped elect, you simply resign and walk away.

Membership of the Labour Party is currently around 200,000, so if just 250,000 people sign up, we can pretty much guarantee we'll fuck them completely.

"But wait," I hear you say, "are you seriously advocating giving £250,000 to the Labour Party?" Fret ye not: the Labour Party has colossal debts, well over £10,000,000 at the last account. Our donations will do nothing to help climb that particular mountain, and by inflicting someone terminally useless or poisonous on the Labour Party, we can hopefully fuck them into a cocked hat for the rest of eternity. It's money very well spent indeed.

Who is with me?

Tip of the clown wig to Old Holborn.

39 comments:

schlumpf23 said...

Hmmm.... interesting idea. I may give it a shot.

Gendeau said...

I like your thinking, but what if anyone ever found out I'd been a member of zanulaba?

How about my cat Tiddles joins?

She's got as much common sense as the cabinet put together - can she join and vote?

She's old anyway and has all that cruelty to mice to pay for on judgement day already.

Ethan said...

Yes! Genius but the choice of useless Labour mongs is pretty wide.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Ethan, it's got to be either Balls, Harman or Abbott. And since there already seems to be a lot of support for Balls out of the blocks, I'm guessing it's Balls to the Wall! :o)

schlumpf23 said...

Agreed, it has to be Balls.

Old Holborn said...

i need to check whether just members get to vote or the unions can add their members

I am Stan said...

Yo Clown,

Yeah but what if ,say Balls turns things around for Labour and they win the next election.

The shame......

David Davis (Libertarian Alliance) said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Obnoxio The Clown said...

David Davis, I deleted your comment because it included stuff like your mobile number.

ChrisM said...

Trouble is I am already a member of LPUK, and as I understand it, it is one of the conditions of memebership that one is not also a member of any other party ( http://lpuk.org/pages/membership.php ).
Otherwise a great idea.

schlumpf23 said...

@ChrisM - good point, I too am a member. I'll see if I can convince Mrs Schlumpf & others to try.

ChrisM said...

Bah, and one has to be under 27 too to take advantage of the 1 pound offer; a few years back for me sadly.

Kingbingo said...

I clicked the link intending to do so.

Then I starting feeling sick and guilty like you do with a hangover. (seriously)

I cancelled the window before it loaded.

Gordon McSnotty said...

I would rather stick pins in my eyes than give those coonts a poond

NickM said...

Genius!

Obo, a quid would not even cover the clerical processing costs so it would actually cost the fuckers money. There's just one detail to work out. We'd all have to rally behind one of them. And as has been stated it has to be Balls.

Rob Sale said...

Good idea but the unions and shop stewards vote for a Labour leader aswell. So a third is voted by the members, then another third by unions and another third of the vote comes from their elected mp's and NEC combined. you would need to increase the membership by 10-20 fold in order to have any effect.

ChrisM said...

@Gordon McSnotty

I hate ntl (if that is was they are still called) so when I left them a few years back, I overpaid my final bill by 1p. For years afterwards, every month I had the pleasure of receiving a bill showing I was 1p in credit, knowing that it was costing them a lot more than that to produce the bill. (I've since moved, for all I know they could well be sending these bills 8 years on!)
If I wasn't already a member of LPUK (and I was under 27) I would definitely be joining safe in the knowledge that the quid I have "given" the party will prove very expensive to them indeed.

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

Do you have to give your real name and address? Is voting going to be online? Could I lie and say that I'm only 18 (honestly, officer). Do they send the heavies round to check? I mean, they could send two pies Prescott...

Daedalus said...

Well they were going to get my pound immediately if not sooner but then I find there is a restriction to 27 years and younger, sod it I'm 27 years too old. Never mind the 3 sons can all join they are 15 or over and thing labour are a load of t*****s.

Daedalus

The Nameless Libertarian said...

There's a certain genius to this idea...

Old Holborn said...

Right, checked it out.

Members only get one third of the vote

John R said...

I was arm twisted to join a trained onion a few years ago - does that give me a vote anyway?

williamsjk said...

Until the Tories sort themselves out and cancel my membership like I asked 3 months ago I can't join any other parties, then again if I could my money would go straight to LPUK, and nowhere near the Labour fucktards.

Vladimir said...

"Good idea but the unions and shop stewards vote for a Labour leader aswell. So a third is voted by the members, then another third by unions and another third of the vote comes from their elected mp's and NEC combined. you would need to increase the membership by 10-20 fold in order to have any effect."

I have an idea! I'll invent about 20 fictional people with foreign-sounding names, register them as Party members, and claim they all live with me in my 3 bedroom semi. Then they can all vote for Balls, and if anyone comes round to accuse me of electoral fraud, I'll just slam the door and call them a racist. It's the Labour way.

Anonymous said...

Surely all of the prospective candidates are fucking useless and will do an equal amount of damage to Labours chances in the next election?

Obnoxio The Clown said...

They are all equally useless, but Balls is poisonous as well - he will spend all his time briefing against other members of Labour, so they will eventually become totally dysfunctional.

J Demetriou said...

This is seriously fucking good. I really like the idea. Very well done Obs.

Not a sheep said...

I like the tick box to confirm that you have read their Terms and Conditions, even though I cannot find any T&Cs on that form.

Anonymous said...

If the Labour Party still exists
at the next election ,may I
suggest all normal Englishmen
burn bloggers at the stake.
With 5 or 6 exceptions of course.
Trot Finder General
Dominican Priory
Milton Keynes

Bexie en Schwiess said...

Forget the Usual Suspects. Get Gerry Corbyn in. He is a sandle wearing trot of the most fundamentalist kind who would go down like a cup of sick with the electorate.

Mark Wadsworth said...

I think Bexie has taken this to the next level!

Ed Balls is at least a human being in some way, so I'd nominate Michael Meacher, who is vile, it is difficult looking at a photo' of him and it is impossible to watch him talk. He actually dribbles when he talks.

Turpin said...

@Mr Wadsworth

>Ed Balls is at least a human being in some way

Elucidate, please! No, really, I'm genuinely curious.

estione said...

Doesn't appear to be a Jew Mr Turpin, unlike the children of marxist refugee Millipede senior.

Joseph Takagi said...

Under 27? The dog's older in dog years but not in human ones.

I think you'd have to co-ordinate which one of the crazier candidates for us to vote for to make the most difference.

Summer_Breeze (Da_ Bimbo ) said...

What a coinkidink that you have posted this.
I had the same thought myself last week, after being approached by an Independent councillor to stand for council.
I happened to be sat next to a labour councillor at the time, who advised? me to stand for labour instead.
I thought then that it would be a really good way to start to change the labour party into something more akin to what we want and had intended to post about this at some point but you beat me to it.
Anyway, I do think it might be a really good idea, to be the enemy within.
My problem is though that my own labour ward councillor, knows I have Independent tendencies, so I might not be able to get away with such a volte face. So I shall have to hang fire and see how the land lies.
For you guys, if you don't have that problem, I'd recommend that you do it.
Where else could you have so much fun for a quid? :-)

Summer_Breeze (Da_ Bimbo ) said...

" Surely all of the prospective candidates are fucking useless and will do an equal amount of damage to Labours chances in the next election?"


Unless, you guys could position yourselves to be the next candidates and there's no reason why you can't.

We/you, could be the next labour cabinet!



LOL @ Vlad btw :-)

Fausty said...

I'm up for it, although I'd also be horrified if Balls ever came to power in government.

I'd vote for Frank Field, or Kate Hoey.

The Englishman said...

It is one of those ideas like dipping your dong into the Dyson Airstream Drier in the pub bog that seems like a good idea at the time but you may regret it in the morning...

Obnoxio The Clown said...

And you know this how, exactly? :o)