But now, bloggers, we can rejoice, relax and feel rejuvenated: we have our bumbling basket case!
Ladies and gentlemen (and bloggers!) may I present the new Master of Disaster, the Mong of the Moment: VINCE "TWAT" CABLE!
Bankers are to be forced to lend to businesses or risk losing their bonuses under plans to be outlined by Vince Cable, the Business Secretary.
Oh yeah? Well, let's just stop there for a second, shall we? Banks shouldn't be "forced" to do anything, let alone fucking forced to lend money to people they don't want to lend money to.
Let's just rewind to a couple of years ago and the banking bailout, shall we? Why were the banks in a position that required them to be bailed out? Could it possibly be that "constrained" by government- and inter-government-decreed levels of liquidity, they lent out money to people who might not have fitted their normal risk profiles.
In this, they were not at all encouraged by a number of governments running wildly expansionist monetary policies and using artificially low interest rates to encourage more lending.
The nett upshot of all this was that people who couldn't possibly repay loans were given money on ludicrous schemes like self-certification. And when it all went completely tits-up, banks got given huge amounts of our fucking money and told "this better not happen again".
Right in front of the jeering crowds was Vince "Twat" Cable, arguing for tighter regulation of banks and bonus control. The taxpayer, he sonorously proclaimed, should not have to bail out the greedy banks again.
And what is the fucking twat saying now? He's saying "lend more to struggling businesses or you will lose part of your bonus". Struggling businesses are actually businesses that are more likely to fail Vince. Which means that the banks will lose money, and also increase their risk, possibly to unsustainable levels. Which could precipitate another crash. Which will lead to more bailouts. Which will lead to Vince "Twat" Cable calling for more regulation and smaller bonuses.
Look, Vince, you're a fucking idiot. You are a fucking danger to shipping and you're my number one candidate to replace Gordon Brown as "Asshat of the Decade".
Can somebody get shot of this useless fucking mongtard before he causes some real damage?
Update: Timdog and the Angry Teen weigh in.