Friday, 13 August 2010

The dangers of masturbation

Since I've been wanking myself into a coma lately, I've noticed that my eye-hand coordination is all over the shop: typos and missed words galore.

I don't really know what to do.

18 comments:

RantinRab said...

Try swapping hands.

Jourdemayne said...

Wait 'til you've finished before typing.

The Grim Reaper said...

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Nobody can complain that this impediment of yours is stopping us from understanding your posts, at least.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Jourdemayne: by gosh, I think you may be onto something there!

Thanks!

6000 said...

Wipe the keyboard when you're all done - stops the keys sticking.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

More good ideas, keep 'em coming ... er ...

Chuckles said...

Hire an assistant?

Preferably a vaguely humanoid carbon based lifeform.

John Demetriou said...

Squawk!

Obnoxio, my favourite cunt! I know just how harmful masturbation really is. Myself and fellatio friend Boatang were engaged in some mutual masturbation this morning - we offered to let Al Jahom join in, but he claimed to be busy - and I got a load of really nasty stuff in my eye. Still stinging, several hours later. Boatang's in the bad books for... ooh, another two hours at least.

If you want to come over and engage with us in the masturbatory way Obo, you are welcome. Even though you write a lot of stuff we disagree with, which makes you a cunt. It'll stop your keyboard getting all messy. Boatang might even be able to sell you his old keyboard. Only £2.74...

Squawk!

microdave said...

"Wait 'til you've finished before typing."

Get one of those translucent flexible keyboard covers that pubs and food outlets use.

Or.... Can't you find someone to give you a blowjob? - preferably a swallower....

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Microdave, I thought I'd found someone, but she turned out to be all mouth and no trousers.

Erm...

microdave said...

A keyboard cover it is then....

RantinRab said...

Tip,

When your 'inflatable friend' drools on you when you kiss her, it's time to empty her out.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Unlike you, I don't shop at the Sunshine Club.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Rantin Rab.

Quality, pure quality!

Leg-iron said...

Sounds like you might be developing RSI, otherwise known as 'Wanker's Wrist'.

Wrap a crepe bandage tightly around it.

No, you fool. The wrist.

Joe Public said...

Invest in (Ohh) "Dragon Naturally Speaking" dictation software.

Then (Ohhhh) you can (Ohhhhhhh) really multitask. (Where's the Kleenex?)

Dave H said...

Notice how his avatar depicts him leaning back, panting...

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