What a fucking LEGEND idea!

Genius, sheer genius:

Professor Philip Booth of Cass Business School sums up the problem: "Almost every Budget measure [on Wednesday] involved a spending favour for some small group or other, or some tax relief for a group that the Government hopes to sway behind the Labour Party at the election."

Thanks to Channel 4's Dispatches, we learned this week that the daily rate for former Labour ministers "on the make" is £5,000. Perhaps we should pay the entire Cabinet that rate to clear off for good and save ourselves a fortune.

Since we can't legally stick their fucking heads on pikes, let's fucking disband the government completely and just fork out 1,178,950,000 a year on MPs. They'll be rich beyond the dreams of avarice and we'll save a fucking fortune.

Win-win.*

*Nah, fuck it: heads on fucking pikes it is.

Twatsy Hewitt: serially disloyal cunt

Jesus, what a slag!

#Climategate - Rex Murphy speaks

Unintended consequences

Right. So when a bunch of greenies occupied a power station and were declared untouchable because their motives were pure, who thought that it set a dangerous precedent?

I'm pretty sure Ed Miliband was stroking himself off in the shower thinking about the new-found importance of "climate change" in the world's pantheon of important things. It's so important that people can be absolved of criminal charges because their hearts were in the right place.

I bet the useless fucker wasn't expecting them to cunt up his office as their next move, was he? And now, according to Paul Waugh:

Loads of coppers looking impotent, watching environmentalists on Commons roof.

I wonder whether the proponents of "one rule for us, another rule for them" are actually going to do something about this or whether they're just going to accept it as a cost of their new über-tax?

Jack Regan must be spinning in his metaphorical grave, too:

Funny that plod turns out in numbers AFTER a protest.

Funny, indeed. I'd have thought someone would have grassed about this, wouldn't you? Maybe they're just worried about press coverage.

Nye Bevan, bastion of Old Labour

Raedwald makes the whole distinction between Labour and fascism nice and clear:



Handy thoughts to bear in mind as Labour lurches further and further back to its roots.

Quelle surprise!

Fucking bastards.

A warm, festive feeling

The missus is visiting her mam for Crimbo. And on Christmas Eve, in the spirit of Christian kindness that envelops us all at this time of year, some retarded little cock monkey keyed her car.

Really, how fucking pathetic do you have to be to key someone's car? I would definitely re-introduce the death penalty for mindless car damage, including TWOCing. If the fucking police won't take it seriously, then your new Prime Mentalist certainly will.

Cowardly little cock-gobbling arsewipes.

More news from Animal Farm

Continuing a great tradition of some trough-snuffling pigs being more equal than others, we have this gem in the Gaariund:

The joint leader of the country's biggest trade union is expected to face questioning today by his national executive over demands he has made for nearly £100,000 to vacate a heavily subsidised London flat which was purchased by a personal acquaintance in a deal worth £1m.

Tony Woodley, the joint general secretary of Unite, which represents some of the lowest paid workers in the United Kingdom and is now bankrolling the Labour party, is to be asked to explain his role in the deal, which was originally a sale between another union and a commercial company.

Hmmm. So, let me get this straight: he was living in a heavily subsidised flat and when they wanted to chuck him out, he didn't say "Thanks for letting me stay there for fuck all for the last 15 years", he said "Give me £100,000 and I'll move"???

And I do mean for fuck all:

Woodley has been living there for 15 years at a fixed rent of £200 a month with all his electricity and heating bills included

Jesus. Even in Elephant and Castle, that's a fucking sweet deal. And it's described as "a historic building", so it's probably not just two up and two down terrace in a slum, either.

• The flat has never been registered as a residential dwelling so Woodley has never paid any council tax on it.
• It was granted to him as an inter-union favour by the Confederation of Shipbuilding and Engineering Unions (CSEU).
• The CSEU was negotiating to sell the commercial offices and the flat to a Scottish property company, Unicorn Developments, and offered him £15,000 to quit it.
• After much negotiating they later raised this to £55,000 but suddenly, to the company's solicitors' surprise, the Transport and General Workers Union – as part of Unite – made an identical offer for the same building.
• Then a private company in Woodley's home town in Merseyside, Purple Apple, which also has a contract to manage the TGWU properties, made a higher offer. Documents show that the sale was made personally to the late Gerry White, then director of the firm and who the union confirm was a long standing acquaintance of Woodley's. The commercial firm pulled out.

Go read the whole thing.

Brothers.

It's funny how it just jumps out at you ...

Depressing:

In 1993, he lured two 14-year-old girls to his home in Havant, Hampshire, drugged them and sexually assaulted one and raped the other. He was jailed for 14 years for the attack but despite the nature of the crime was then released early ten years later.

And this:

Tobin is already serving at least 21 years in prison for the murder of the Polish student and is unlikely ever to leave prison.

21 years for murder, after a history of lunatic violence?

Jesus. Why is "life" not "life"?

Am I supposed to feel sympathy?

Somehow, I'm unconvinced:

Elizabeth Malcolm, 43, has never had a job. She lives in a two-bedroom council flat in Glasgow with her three children, one grandchild, two cats and a hamster.

Neither of her two working-age children have a job.

The family is what the statistics gatherers call a "workless household" - one of three million in the country. In reality it's not quite so easy to put every jobless person into a neat little box. This is their story.

Elizabeth, known as "Biff" to family and friends, wishes now that she had got into work or college back in 1980, when she left school at 15.

It was hardly a great time to be a jobseeker, especially living in Easterhouse, a part of Glasgow long synonymous with deprivation and unemployment. But she concedes that she doesn't really know why she didn't get a job, and that there was an element of just "not getting round" to it.

She doesn't think school wanted her to stay on because she "wasn't too bright" and used to bunk off a lot.

Jesus wept. Didn't get round to it? It's the school's fault?

Neat little box, my festering cock: this is a bone-idle, scrounging and chav-rearing thief of my taxes.

Is that neat enough for you?

Update: Bobshead Revisited feels the same.

The Graun starts sucking Jacqui's clit

Cunts:

But one of Britain's leading constitutional experts, Vernon Bogdanor, professor of government at the University of Oxford, told the programme: "This does seem to me something of a storm in a teacup.

"The important principle is that MPs, apart from when they are speaking in the chamber and dealing with constituents' correspondence, are as subject to the law as the rest of us.

And what, pray fucking tell, do you think Mr Green's office was full of?

Vernon Bogdanor seems to be another useful idiot. Remember the name.

A cunt, earlier

Jack Straw outlines Labour's improvement of our civil liberties

No, really:

Does the sun rise in the east? Has Labour enhanced rights and liberties? The answer to the second question is as unambiguously a yes as to the first.

Oh, look, a flying pig!

This must be some new meaning of the phrase ...

... "a clean bill of health", of which I was previously unaware.

So, let me get this straight: for 14 years the auditors have failed to sign off your accounts? Epic fail!

95% or more of payments are error free? Up to 5% of your payments are wrong? Epic fail!

"And where errors have financial impact, we shall recover the money," concluded Siim Kallas. In the structural funds, the total financial corrections imposed by the European Commission on member states only this year amount to EUR 843 million. Another EUR 1.5 billion is expected to be recovered by March 2009.

So that's a mere 2.3 BILLION Euros that have gone awry ... that you're admitting to? EPIC FAIL!

I really am in the wrong game.

Matt Davies of the Woking Libertarians raises another nanny state classic:

Daily Fail

In the latest initiative designed to make us more environmentally friendly, Government advisers are calling on businesses to appoint tea monitors to make sure staff don't overfill the kettle at work.

The quango Envirowise is also telling workers to use teapots when making rounds of hot drinks and is calling for a return of old-fashioned tea urns.

Envirowise - which gets £10million a year from taxpayers to advise businesses on being green - says the crackdown will cut greenhouse gas emissions and help beleaguered businesses save money.

Critics pointed out that in the current testing economic times, small firms had bigger problems to worry about than tea bags.

Susie Squire of the TaxPayers' Alliance said: 'This is yet another example of a taxpayer-funded quango doling out useless advice. People are sick of these quangocrats wasting our time and money.'

Envirowise - which is funded by the Department for Environment Food and Rural Affairs - estimates that more than 30billion cups of water are unnecessarily boiled each year.

Could you make this up? Oh no.

Now once again, most people paying attention will know that most of these quangos, and indeed DEFRA itself, basically report direct to our masters in Brussels.

Is is 10 million (stolen from the the taxpayer) worth it?


Is it fuck. The only people who should be funding this, IF, they want to, is the business themselves. They have to fund the energy bills and if they want to take an environmental line, that is up to them too. Robbing people to fund this kind of utter shite, is morally repugnant.

Yep the EU is the source of this shit, but they wouldn't be able to do this, if it wasn't for the traitors we have in Westminster.

1984 isn't an instruction manual. Let's hope the 1984 campaign reminds them of that tomorrow.

I'm personally not that optimistic ...

I can't see anything going wrong with this, can you?

John Redwood has all the details:

The government has decided to set up a holding company, UK Financial Investments Ltd, to own and manage all the shares in banks and building societies the government is accumulating at enormous expense to the taxpayer.

Now, why would you want to do that?

Why doesn’t the government just say they will hold the shares direct but leave the management of each bank to get on with it without Ministerial involvement? I guess they have ruled that option out for two reasons. Firstly, they do want to intervene, but need an intermediary or conduit to do it quietly. What better than a well paid quango company acting as the buffer and the prod to the banks? Secondly, they probably reckon the left in their party would not put up with a policy of complete non intervention. What is the point of a nationalised bank, the left would correctly ask, if it does the same things, imposes the same charges, withdraws the same facilities and pays the same bonuses as a private sector bank? UKFI allows some flexibility when answering the left’s criticisms behind closed doors. The plan is to have studied ambiguity, so the left can travel in hope, whilst markets are reassured.

Another fantastic "neither fish nor fowl" solution from ZaNu Labour PF*.

More yummy quango goodness, draining money from the tax payer. More pointless bureaucracy. More excuses for arms-length fucking about with things that matter, just like Ed Balls and the exam boards: something goes right, the ministers get all the credit; something goes wrong and the ministers can deflect the blame. Not that we'll believe the goat-felching motherfuckers, of course.

Needless to say, it gets better:

The government has already had to modify three of its proposed interventions. It stated at the time of the original deals with RBS, HBOS and Lloyds that there would be no dividends, no big bonuses and maintained lending at 2007 levels. Now we learn there can be dividends once the Preference chares are repaid – a lower threshold to jump. There can be bonuses to senior people not on the Board – a good reason for some to resign directorships or to refuse them. There seems to be some retreat from the idea of artificially boosting lending to the levels of the boom, when there could be a shortage of takers for new loans on offer.

It's no wonder I struggle to find the enthusiasm to get out of bed some days.

*Pig Fuckers

Darling's VAT Double Bubble

Trixy again:

Well, blow me down with a feather if Alastair Darling hasn't gone and done just that for the X Factor Royal British Legion and Help for Heroes single.

Chancellor Alistair Darling announced today that the Government will waive VAT on the sale of the X Factor finalists' charity single Hero.

Except that he hasn't, has he.

An exceptional one-off charitable donation will be made, equivalent to the sum of the VAT receipts collected on its sales.

You see what he did there? He said he'd do something, then in the next line he said he'd do something else on the same topic but not the same and hope that people wouldn't notice.

And indeed, most people are so woefully uninformed that they would not be able to tell the difference. But what is happening is that Darling is screwing us twice, at a time of great financial crisis in an empty gesture: since he can't withold the VAT from the EUSSR, he is stealing skoolzanhospitalz money from some other pot. That means that the EU gets all their money, we get even fewer / worse skoolzanhospitalz and ZaNu Labour gets a bit of much-needed good PR.

Fuck the taxpayers (twice!), who cares about them?

Moron Gorgon's "Rescue Plan"

Let me start by saying as I have all along, that the banks did not need any fucking saving. I'm fucking sure that if one or two had gone to the wall and the government had offered 100% guarantees to savers, we'd have been giving less of our money to the banking system and the les autres would have been pretty fucking encouraged.

But no, the fucking bank spinners, led by they poster boy Paulson, managed to suck up to politicians and in exchange for a couple of expensed meals, the Fed, the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street and the ECB have reached out, ripped off our trousers and bent us over the couch. The banks will supply lube, provided we (over)pay for it.

And the meeja, fuckwits that they are, are all solemly nodding about how Gorgon's got this one right. It's left to occassional commentators, like the Fink (do go read the whole thing, it's excellent) to raise dissenting voices:

I intend to go down the third route. Which is to take him seriously. Because I think that when you do that, the real truth of the events of the last month becomes clear. This has not been a triumph for Mr Brown, it has been a catastrophe. It is said that he is having a good war. I think this success is confined to the fluency of his signature on the surrender documents. He is having a good war, in the same way that the Kaiser had a good war. Some of his supporters argue that the last week has been his Falklands. True. And he is General Galtieri.

This is the bit I cannot fucking understand. Every motherfucker out there seems to have forgotten all his empty posturing about no more boom and bust, prudence, competence, the Iron Chancellor ... this entire crisis could have been avoided or at least, severely curtailed, if the snot-gobblin' king had a better grip on the economy than he did on his bogies. If he hadn't been pissing our money out on fatuous fripperies and an illegal war, instead paying off the national debt; if he hadn't micromanaged the economy and stifled it with pointless regulation and rather let every aspect of the British economy improve under real competition; and if he hadn't lied about the real state of the economy under his stewardship and provided us all with a better warning of what was coming, everyone would have been better off.

But no, he fucked all of the above and a whole lot more besides, and now the vultures have come home to roost. And because he's being perceived as doing a not entirely fucking awful job of fixing the immense clusterfuck he fucking well caused, suddenly he thinks he's a fucking hero!

Never mind that we're going to be pissing financial blood for the rest of our natural lives, or that what happened to Iceland is now likely to happen to another island run by cowboys and fuckwits.

Gordon Brown is enjoying himself so much at the moment that it is sometimes hard to recall whether the aim of the exercise is for him to save the banks or vice versa. But to have to spend billions of pounds of taxpayers money to save the entire British banking system from collapse is an odd sort of triumph, I have to say. There appear to be some people who regard it as a victory that the Chancellor was sitting up until two in the morning hatching a desperate last-ditch plan to save the whole economy. But this description isn't one that flies to my lips.

There is room for plenty of argument about whether the crisis could have been averted by better management. But this is almost beside the point. What matters is not whether the bust was avoidable. It is that the preceding boom was illusory.

The idea that boom and bust had been abolished was not a small claim among many. It was the central claim of this Government. It was the boast of boasts - the boast upon which all other boasts were built. And now it has been revealed as totally empty. Not triumph, then. Disaster. Not victory. Total, utter, dreadful defeat.

Still, it's OK Gorgon. It's only fucking taxpayer's money. You cunt.

Quote of the picosecond

I don't think Cameron is like Thatcher. I think he's more like Blair. And I don't think politicians are born. I think they are grown in vats beneath Westminster, fed on the slops that overflow the trough.

Leg-Iron, in the comments.

Congress shows its true colours (colors?)

What a bunch of utter cunts politicians are. I was so full of hope that Congress would fuck the banks into a cocked hat and stand up for their constituencies. Hah! Instead of saving us from another half-assed bunch of cunt-buggery, they promptly strapped themselves in for some judicious pork-barrel fuckmongering and here we fucking go ... just look what the cunts accepted as bribes:

I submit into evidence one portion of the bill: Division B: Energy Improvement and Extension Act of 2008. This division has 4 titles and assorted subtitles. For example:

TITLE I--ENERGY PRODUCTION INCENTIVES

Subtitle A--Renewable Energy Incentives
Sec. 101. Renewable energy credit.
Sec. 102. Production credit for electricity produced from marine renewables.
Sec. 103. Energy credit.
Sec. 104. Energy credit for small wind property.
Sec. 105. Energy credit for geothermal heat pump systems.
Sec. 106. Credit for residential energy efficient property.
Sec. 107. New clean renewable energy bonds.
Sec. 108. Credit for steel industry fuel.
Sec. 109. Special rule to implement FERC and State electric restructuring policy.

Subtitle B--Carbon Mitigation and Coal Provisions
Sec. 111. Expansion and modification of advanced coal project investment credit.
Sec. 112. Expansion and modification of coal gasification investment credit.
Sec. 113. Temporary increase in coal excise tax; funding of Black Lung Disability
Trust Fund.
Sec. 114. Special rules for refund of the coal excise tax to certain coal producers
and exporters.
Sec. 115. Tax credit for carbon dioxide sequestration.
Sec. 116. Certain income and gains relating to industrial source carbon dioxide treated as qualifying income for publicly traded partnerships.
Sec. 117. Carbon audit of the tax code.

Many of these provisions extend existing tax or investment credits for several more years. None of these provisions is directly relevant to confidence in credit markets. Why are they here?

One of the provisions of Title III of Divison B is something that I support:

Sec. 306. Accelerated recovery period for depreciation of smart meters and smart grid systems.

This provision is not directly relevant to confidence in credit markets. Why is it here?

This one wins the "Too Absurd To Believe" prize:

Division C, SEC. 503. EXEMPTION FROM EXCISE TAX FOR CERTAIN WOODEN ARROWS DESIGNED FOR USE BY CHILDREN.

Tax free wooden arrows for children, in exchange for $700,000,000,000.00 that so far, has achieved the square root of fucking fuck all. I hope the American public CRUCIFY their congressmen at the next election.

Another botched initiative?

Via Mark W, this (and I know I've blogged about this before, it's just reheating an old "initiative", but still...):

Thousands of "community crime fighters" are to be trained as part of a £5m package, Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has promised.

OK, so there's the "botching": £5 million (probably rounded up from £4.8 million) spent on 3600 people, roughly £1300 spent on training each person. Now, a) in government terms, £5 million really is chump change -- they routinely drop a thousand times that into equally stupid, bad ideas; and b) there's not a of training you can give someone for £1300, even when you're bulk buying. Especially when it's the government doing the bulk buying, because they're so fucking stupid, they'd probably buy into the argument that training so many people means that you have to charge more per person, per day. So let's assume that they're giving these people a 2 - 3 of days' training.

Not a fucking lot is it? I mean, even plastic plod get more than that and look at how fucking useless they are. And that's assuming that the £5 million is spent on actual training, of course. More likely, a huge percentage of the money will actually be spent on "announcing and communicating the initiative" (or "spin" as we cynics call it.)

So, they're not going to know anything useful, what possible use could they have?

She told the Labour Party conference that 3,600 volunteers would act as a link between the public and police.

I'm sorry, Jacqui, you large-breasted fuckwit, but I don't need someone to act as a link between me and the cunting police. I pick up the phone, I walk into the police station, and voilà! We're linked!

What does this really mean? Is it a cheap way of being able to say that numbers in the "police family" are growing under New Labour? Is it a way of co-opting a growing number of people into the worrying union of police and state?

Will these, in fact, be the lovely "Fingermen" that go around raping and mugging the unfortunates caught outside after curfew?

Even the rigorous selection process that the real police have along with all their training still allows a few bad apples in. The plastic plod have even greater numbers of highly visible fuckwits. What sort of vetting will be done of the first 3600 Fingermen? What sort of powers will they have? Who do we complain to if they abuse their powers?

This is a massive corruption of the relationship between the people, the police and the state.