And when we got onto politics, she kept trying to get me to say Labour was basically bollocksed because the Tories have been so far ahead in the polls for so long. 'Look at the polls,' she kept saying 'they're consistently twenty points ahead.' But they're not. There in the Guardian today, they are twelve points ahead. Now think about it - we have had the most sustained period of economic bad news any of us can remember. The country has had to borrow unprecedented sums of money. There have been huge redundancies made by high profile employers. There has been talk of plots and disloyalty within the Cabinet as people wait for Gordon to fall. We've even had stories of police cutting numbers, of the BNP rising, of rows over Post Office and pensions, of torture, of civil liberties being eroded, of ministers taking too much in allowances, on and on has gone the diet of news that is bad for the government. But take a closer look at that poll and what does it say - Tories down 2, Labour down two, Lib Dems up 2. If I were a Tory (a bit like saying if I were a Blackburn Rovers fan or a Martian, but bear with me) I would be asking myself 'how on earth are we only twelve points ahead? And how in God's name has our support managed to go DOWN in recent weeks?'
So I'll put them up here as well:
Simple, really: there are a lot of incredibly tribal people in the UK. Any rational person surveying the wreckage of the economy and the deranged ramblings of the monocular mentalist would be reaching for the piano wire and scaffolding. However, a staggeringly large number of the electorate would, quite literally, vote for a turd with a red rosette on it.
Well, they would if the turd would hold an election.
PS Al, if you're reading this: click here please!