Tuesday, 24 February 2009

I'd be amazed ...

... if my comments on this blog post by Alistair Campbell actually got published:

And when we got onto politics, she kept trying to get me to say Labour was basically bollocksed because the Tories have been so far ahead in the polls for so long. 'Look at the polls,' she kept saying 'they're consistently twenty points ahead.' But they're not. There in the Guardian today, they are twelve points ahead. Now think about it - we have had the most sustained period of economic bad news any of us can remember. The country has had to borrow unprecedented sums of money. There have been huge redundancies made by high profile employers. There has been talk of plots and disloyalty within the Cabinet as people wait for Gordon to fall. We've even had stories of police cutting numbers, of the BNP rising, of rows over Post Office and pensions, of torture, of civil liberties being eroded, of ministers taking too much in allowances, on and on has gone the diet of news that is bad for the government. But take a closer look at that poll and what does it say - Tories down 2, Labour down two, Lib Dems up 2. If I were a Tory (a bit like saying if I were a Blackburn Rovers fan or a Martian, but bear with me) I would be asking myself 'how on earth are we only twelve points ahead? And how in God's name has our support managed to go DOWN in recent weeks?'

So I'll put them up here as well:

Simple, really: there are a lot of incredibly tribal people in the UK. Any rational person surveying the wreckage of the economy and the deranged ramblings of the monocular mentalist would be reaching for the piano wire and scaffolding. However, a staggeringly large number of the electorate would, quite literally, vote for a turd with a red rosette on it.

Well, they would if the turd would hold an election.

PS Al, if you're reading this: click here please!


The Penguin said...

I'd like to buy the cunt a drink. Then another.

The Penguin

Jack Maturin said...

Plus, Labour has bought half the electorate with state funding stolen from the rest of us.

If I was a 40 year old Tax Credits claimant adjudicator in Middlesbrough, earning £40,000 a year with a gold-plated pension at 50 when I plan to retire in ten years "due to stress", then I would keep voting Labour too.

I would estimate that my salary by then would be about £60,000 and I would get 90% of this for the rest of my life, index-linked, and paid for by the as-yet-unborn children of the tax payer class.

All I have to do is time-serve for another ten years, wait for my last big promotion to "Senior Tax Credits Claimant Adjudicator", and then flake out at my desk the next day due to the "pressure".

If the Tories get in and sack me, after abolishing tax credits and replacing them with a general all-round tax cut, this strategy is screwed.

I'll have to get a proper job in a town with a 70%+ majority of the 'workforce', running on the government's drudgy wage bill.

Because I speak an incomprehensible lingo which even people in Sunderland find difficult to understand, I'm stuck here, plus I'm a bit thick. And if the government jobs get cut, then I'm really buggered. Who on Earth would employ me? What use would I be to anyone? I can avoid answering the phone, avoid reading filled-in forms, and run my eBay business 2 hours a day from my desk, run my Middlesbrough FC fanzine for an hour a day at my desk, start at ten, finish at 4, take 2 hour lunch breaks, Fridays and Mondays off every second week "on the sick", and get free bacon butties every morning in the staff canteen, plus six weeks holiday every year. But what use am I otherwise?

So I'll keep voting Labour until the end of the next major Ice Age - even though I know they're a bunch of lying, thieving, stealing, jobsworth, [expletive deleted]s. I especially know they're useless because I work for them, so every day I see their wasteful policies in action (eg. employing me to run a private eBay business when a private company would kick me out on my derriere).

That's where the 28% is coming from. It won't drop much lower, if at all, except perhaps to switch to the BNP.

Democracy is a God that has failed.

Oldrightie said...

!These opinion polls are in Labour heartlands. Add the real ant-Government vote and hey presto, annihilation

Prodicus said...

Now this is bloody hilarious.

Jack Maturin said...

Hey Obo,

Alastair's flunkies have published a comment I left on his article. I thought I ought to let you know, as I've referenced your 'missing' comment.

=> http://www.alastaircampbell.org/blog.php

I never thought they would do it!

I suppose they'll try to call me a 'racist' for the 'a bit thick' line, and castigate how evil this must make me.

What fun! :-)