The Beast of Bollock-juggling

Cunt:

Dennis Skinner, the 77-year-old Labour MP, told how he got a fateful call from the Sunday Telegraph yesterday asking questions about his parliamentary expenses.

"I explained to them I had the lowest expenses in the House and the best voting record, but they wanted to know about £3,500 for alterations to my bathroom and kitchen and £800 for a sofa bed," he said.

"What their figures did not show was the alterations cost £12,800 and the pull-out bed £1,756, but I only charged the lower sums because I thought it was wrong to do otherwise. They have got a bloody cheek if they think I am on the fiddle.

"I only had the work done because, after my triple by-pass heart operation, I was told by the consultant to change the bath for a shower and make sure that the cupboards in the kitchen were at the right height and not to do any heavy lifting. He said it was important for my recuperation that I did things right or I would be back where I was.

"The new sofa bed was needed because the other one was too hard for me to pull out. If I had put in the full amount, I am sure the fees office would have paid up, but it would have been wrong. I told the chap from the Telegraph all this, but I got the impression they were still going to do a story on me."

Skinner, the MP for Bolsover, Derbyshire, said that he was upset that anyone could accuse him of fiddling his expenses.

Sorry, you lunatic old communist, but the fact that you weren't troughing at full tilt does not mean you were not fucking troughing at all. You jumped-up, overweening, self-important cuntweasel of a fuckstick. My employer would certainly would not give me a blue fucking bean for any of that shit.

Update: Interestingly, the boss points out that HMRC gives you a £8000 tax-free allowance for "disturbances" of this nature, which means that the workers' friend, the scourge of capitalism Beast of Bollocks simply charged the difference to the taxpayer's largesse.

What an arrogant, entitled old fucker. I hope you die slowly and painfully, you hypocritical fucking thief.

Update 2: from WOAR in the comments:
A person with a triple heart bypass shouldn't be sodding around with any pull-out beds as none of them are designed to be managed by the mobility-limited disabled.

There's no such thing as 'the other one was too heavy' and there's no such thing as 'this one is much lighter'. They all weigh a ton and that one is a standard sprung action.

Is he sleeping in a one-room apartment (he could be), but even then, people with triple heart bypasses should chuck out the sofa and put in a bed, and damn the interior design.

What there is, is the £1750 Tom leather sofabed from John Lewis.

A luxurious sofa bed fully upholstered in leather, comprising a 2-seater sofa and chaise to form a corner unit which you can have either left or right facing to suit your space. This makes it not only a great option for a larger room – but also for a smaller room, especially if you’re finding it difficult to fit in both a sofa and chair.

It offers storage space in the chaise section – ideal for bedding; and you just pull out at the bottom to bring out the bed section, giving you a sleeping space the equivalent size of a double bed - 135 x 205cm.

With resilient high density foam seat cushions and a sprung mattress. The back cushions with are fibre-filled, and Tom comes with 2 scatter cushions. It arrives in 2 parts."

The question really is: is this man really sleeping on this piece of furniture, or did he just use his heart bypass as a handy excuse to get an £800 sub to by a nice new leather sofa for the lounge, which happens to be handy if someone stays over.

HMRC allowed tax worth £956 and the taxpayer coughed up a further £800. The John Lewis catalog clearly shows the Tom Nina Chenille Sofa Bed - meaning it is exactly the same frame and action - but in chenille, not leather, at £995.

So if Skinner had chosen chenille instead of leather, it would have cost the tax payer £39 instead of £800.