Thursday, 4 June 2009

100 years ago

Wow, what a find on the Private Eye blog of 4 May 1984:

Dr Gordon Brown

The new Labour member for Dunfermline East, Dr Gordon Brown, is typical of the brand of mediocre, middle-class careerists who make up an increasing proportion of the undistinguished lobby-fodder and whom Labour habitually returns from Scotland, though he has greater academic pretensions than most.

Brown shot to provincial fame on being elected as Edinburgh University’s first student Rector in the late 1960s and ever since his ambition has outstripped his ability. Although, in a tribute, his old history tutor Dr Paul Addison has stated that Brown was “always more than a swot”, it appears that he lacked certain essential social graces. He never fully recovered from his rejection as suitor by the lovely Princess Marguerita of Romania (who works as a computer programmer in the University’s Computer Department) and ever since has devoted himself obsessively to his political career.

Before becoming Labour’s Scottish Chairman (a meaningless appointment made on the “Buggins’ Turn” principle) Brown worked on a series of current affairs documentaries for Scottish TV which were so excruciatingly dull that he was mercifully taken off the air (he has two brothers in the Scots media).

Once again he has been exceeding his limitations in his new role as a Scots lackey in the outer limits of Kinnock’s kitchen cabinet. A recent Sunday Times article which he had ghosted for the new labour leader had to be withdrawn as “hopeless” by Kinnock’s press officer, Patricia “Harpie” Hewitt.

In June, Brown will enjoy a three-week CIA freebie trip to the USA (he will get $60 a day pocket money while out there.) Kinnock felt obliged to approve this unfashionable hostage to fortune because he himself had been on a similar trip some years ago.

6 comments:

Fidel Cuntstruck said...

How very prophetic and foresighted that was!

The Penguin said...

What the fuck were his colleagues doing promoting this talent-lite bag of shite time and again?

The Penguin

Kill them all said...

The only surprising thing is the alleged heterosexual behaviour towards the unfortunate Romanian Princess (with her homeland overrun by particularly grotesque communists, one can imagine her delight at being courted by a fudgepacking tartan trot), but her title might have had something to do with that.

Umbongo said...

Penguin

"What the fuck were his colleagues doing promoting this talent-lite bag of shite time and again?"

Was there an alternative?

Nick M said...

They were promoting someone they thought was no threat. Happens all the time.

Tranny by Gaslight said...

The only surprising thing is the alleged heterosexual behaviour towards the unfortunate Romanian Princess…

Perhaps he mistook her for a bloke.