One of my RSS feeds is a DB2 feed. It's called the DB2 feed, although it has Informix stuff in it as well. Way to go, IBM, the world's largest technology company. But that's not the point. The point is this amusing little article:
DB2 9.7: Autonomous transactions
Now, I know this is extremely sad, but I thought about the title for a second and made a stab at this idea: you open a transaction, and half-way through it, you kick off an autonomous transaction which will succeed or fail and have no consequence for the original transaction. And I'm a lot smarter than I thought (or IBM is a lot dumber than I thought!) because that pretty much exactly what it is. Which is nice.
Note that the calling session is suspended until the called session returns control.
Er, what? Why the fuck would you want to do that? Why is it that programmers and database geeks collude in finding ways of keeping transactions open for as long as possible?
GET A FUCKING GRIP YOU CUNTS: YOUR AUTONOMOUS TRANSACTION IS A SOLUTION LOOKING FOR A FUCKING PROBLEM!!
The only upside is that mercifully I don't have to touch DB2 with someone else's dick.