Friday, 28 August 2009

From the vaults (an occasional series) - Now you see him, now you don't

OK, here's my peeve of the day: why is it that all the fucking nanny state road safety ads pick on cars and drivers?

Example 1: Now you see him, now you don't. Well, if the cunting fucktard stayed on the correct side of the road and wasn't fucking lane-splitting and diving past in the face of on-coming traffic, I'd fucking see the cunt all the time, wouldn't I? And if he chooses to overtake me when I have my indicator on, well, whose fucking fault is that? Fucking cyclists and motorcyclists think they can do whatever they fucking want on the road, and it's up to the stupid old tax-fucked motorist to sort it all out.

I don't mind that bikers have the opportunity to lane-split and do all the shit the fuckers get away with, but I don't see why I should shoulder the responsibility for it when it goes wrong. I'm fucking sick and tired of getting the hairy eyeball from some fuckwit on a bike because I didn't ramp up onto the pavement to get out of the way while he's coming toward me on my side of the road.

Example 2: If you travel at just 35 MPH in a built up area, you too can drive over a kid who walks out into the path of an oncoming car. Well, cuntflaps, why the fuck don't you teach the inbred fucktard that it's fucking dangerous to step out in front of an oncoming car? And let's make it even more plausible by disconnect the rear brakes on the car we use in the advert so it doesn't stop in time. Because, ladies and gentlemen, modern cars, even my repmobile rust buckets, are quite capable of crash stopping in a shorter distance than that mandated by the Road Traffic Act, and so could quite comfortably travel at 35MPH and still stop in the time they're supposed to.

Same thing with pedestrians -- yes, they have right of way, but not when the retarded cockbiting fucktards step out into a busy road without fucking looking. And when that little green man goes away and the red one appears, cuntflaps, it means it's my fucking turn to go and not your turn to try and get across the road.

How about some adverts that say, "Don't ride your bike like a cunt and you might not die" or "Only stupid fucktards walk out into busy streets against a red light"?

Cunting fucks, the lot of them.

Originally posted here.


JuliaM said...

"Same thing with pedestrians -- yes, they have right of way, but not when the retarded cockbiting fucktards step out into a busy road without fucking looking. "

This has reached epidemic proportions in London.

Just yesterday morning, one almost-hood ornament did this just fifteen feet from a pelican crossing!

Trixy said...

Darwinism in action in many cases. Can't cross a road? Well...

However, I'm a cyclist and it does annoy me when I can clearly see there are drivers completely unaware that I am also using the road. A minicab decided to drive at me the other day so I decided to try teach him not to do that by screaming at him and kicking his car. He won't learn, though, because he's clearly a moron.

On a similar theme, when my father drove a motorbike he had an accident when some cunt indicated to turn left and then did a U-turn. My father was left spinning across the road.

JuliaM said...

"On a similar theme, when my father drove a motorbike he had an accident when some cunt indicated to turn left and then did a U-turn."

Not believing the indicators is pretty sound advice these days.

Wait until something happens to confirm the stated direction (i.e, slowing down, turning the wheel, etc). You won't get to peel out sharpish, and someone behind you may beep you, but it could save a nasty accident.

I've seen far, far too many cases lately of driver oblivious to the fact that their indicators are actually on to take a chance any more that other vehicles are really going to do what they claim they are going to do...

Anonymous said...

I'm a cyclist.

Every day i cycle through my town centre, which is NOT pedestrianised the whole way through, but people just walk out into the road without looking, because they can't "hear" anything coming.

I fucking love the look of shock on their face as i cyclce past them with a hairs breadth between hitting the stupid lemmings.

Oh, and drivers, motercyclists and cyclists are all cunt's, including me.

But i really hate those sodding rude boys, who lean back in their car seat, and are to "cool" to do things like indidcate or drive like anything but a dick head.

Anonymous said...

didn't the "now you see him, now you don't" featured a scooter weaving in and out? the accident as depicted was not the car-drivers fault. you should always make sure (when on a motorbike or scooter) that you can see the car driver's face in the wing mirror, if so then they can see you.
that should have been the message of that advert. positioning in a driver's blind spot (of which modern cars are replete) will get you hurt.

Longrider said...

If you travel through the Peaks, you will see a plethora of signs aimed at motorcyclists warning us that the road is bendy and we might get killed if we do something stupid - like ride quickly.

Yes, I know this, I can see the bends for myself and being an experienced rider, I can regulate my speed accordingly.

Anyway, this and the previous post have prompted me to put something together myself on this.

Anonymous said...

When I was a kid Darth fucking Vader taught us not to step out in the road without looking.

You know it kind of makes sense for pedestrians to look out for their own safety, I mean as a driver if I squish some fucking halfwit it's barely going to scratch the front of my car but they'll end up dead. Therefore it's a fuck lot more in their interest to make sure it doesn't happen than mine.

When I'm a pedestrian I look out for myself.

What the fucking fuckity fuck has happened to personal responsibility?

Oh sorry, Labour happened.

I think it's clear that there are utter fucknuts in cars, on bikes, walking, in lorries, in coaches, in fact using _every_ possible form of transport.

When people do the 'hazard perception' part of the driving test, I assume it's valid to point out _every_single_fucking_person_and_vehicle as they are probably twats.


Bristol Dave said...

Wasn't the "Now you see him" ad cancelled because the motorcyclist was so clearly in the wrong?

To me that advert always said "Keep an eye out for bikers, they're likely to ride like cunts, and if you hit them, it'll be your fault." Maybe not the message they wanted to get across.

The other road safety advert which sticks in my mind (for the wrong reasons) is this one which just strikes me as a little suspicious. Firstly, the text that says "based on a family saloon in normal driving conditions" which implies the whole advert is engineered anyway.

Secondly, check the angle of of the car's bonnet which indicates a huge amount of braking force, and yet whilst the front wheels are locked up, the rear ones are just merrily spinning. Also, unless I'm mistaken that's an early Nissan Primera in the Ad, which according to Parkers had ABS fitted as standard. So why is the wheel locked?

Answer: The braking system has been fiddled with. Possibly taken the fuse out for the ABS, which makes the braking system a lot less effective.

This is probably because they struggled to find a car that looked modern enough but took as long to stop as they wanted it to.

Pogo said...


Re "this one"... Someone involved with making that advert "spilled the beans" about it sometime after... The rear brakes were completely disconnected (otherwise the rear wheels would certainly be locked like the fronts) and the apparent "braking attitude" of the vehicle, ie tail high, was achieved by replacing the rear shock absorbers with metal bars that jacked the back of the car up. Just look at the car, as it comes into view the rear is already high, and after it comes to a halt - just as the picture starts to fade - it is still sitting "tail high".

A complete con job.

Bill d'Sarse said...

Anon 10:37.

So you are young enough to remember being taught to cross the road by Darth Vader?

What about us children of the 60's? We were taught to cross the road by Tufty the Squirel. Yes - a squirrel. You know the ones, the things that you see (outside of cities) mashed into the tarmac about every 100 metres. How f*cking ironic is that?

Ἕκτωρ said...

What about bloody pedestrians in London who see you coming and then just walk slowly across the road and look at you as if to say "are you really going to run me over" in an incredibly smug way. Maybe one day....

Anonymous said...

Thats right Bill, a red fucking squirrel. But that was pre Enoch. The country has sadly been overrun since by nasty immigrant darker squirrels. Multiculturalism gone mad.

JuliaM said...

They come over 'ere, takin' all our nuts...

Bill d'Sarse said...

... and don't get me started on drays for greys......