Thursday, 27 August 2009

From the vaults (an occasional series) - The Renault Megane Scenic

OK, so those of you who have been around for a while may be aware that I do a fair bit of driving, and I'm probably not the most patient person in the world. I have been known to indulge in a fair bit of verbal abuse of drivers of most brands and models.

Lately, however, I've repeatedly noticed an interesting phenomenon: it seems that one of the pre-requisites for the purchase of a Renault Megane Scenic is a severely diminished IQ and a complete inability to be decisive about anything once you've bought the cunting car. I've been amazed, it doesn't matter if it's a rusty old tip or a brand spanking new top of the line model, they all fucking dither worse than Arsey [long may his miserable soul rest in peace!] trying to choose a new zimmer frame. And then of course, when it comes to turning into a side road across oncoming traffic, the size of the gap required by these retarded cuntfucks is unbelievable. Even the bus driver this morning hooted at the stupid bitch to get a fucking move on.

This afternoon, my journey out of town to the old park and ride was twice fucked for a ridiculous length of time (15 minute journey took 20 -- a 33% fucking increase!) by two cunting Megane Scenics. But the thought of being able to drop the roof of my car and blast home calmed me down by the time I got off the bus. Only to find that some dumb ass-felching fucktard had parked so close to my car that I could not get in. I had to remove the roof entirely (an aggravating task in an old car) so that I could clamber in from the other side. And the car that parked me in was?

A CUNTING FUCK OF A SHIT PILE FUCKING RENAULT WHOREMOBILE MEGANE SHITBAG FUCKING SCENIC!!!

I think I'm going to start setting fire to the cunting things on principle.

Cunting FUCKS! CUNTING, CUNTING, CUNTING FUCKED FUCKING SHIT-BRAINED FUCKWITTED PISSFLAP SHITMOBILES!!!

Originally posted here.


Update: So I'm out in the penis extension today, enjoying some country lanes and balmy weather and at the far end of a mile-long straight, what do I see coming towards me, desperately trying to overtake a white van? Trying, and failing.

I took my foot off the accelerator. Then I braked gently. Then I braked a little more. Then I moved half onto the hard shoulder. Then I pulled completely off the road and stopped (not as easy as it sounds, the hard shoulder wasn't even as wide as my car!)

The bovine expression on the driver of the said car as he drove by, engine straining mightily, ignoring me completely, seemed to imply that it was only right and just that everyone else should get out of his way as he performed his annual overtake.

(Oh, and the white van driver who wouldn't let him overtake - you are a weapons-grade cunt as well.)

16 comments:

Mark Wadsworth said...

I'm disappointed now. I was vaguely hoping there'd be that profile shot of Mrs McCann standing next to one.

WV: ponting.

Bristol Dave said...

I'm sure you'll agree this also applies to Citroen Xsara Picassos.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Obo, what have you been up to?

http://tinyurl.com/lqms82

Anonymous said...

I guess the Megane Scenic is a people carrier of some sort? (Sorry it's French and a car so I have no interest in it at all!)

In my experience ANY people carrier and almost any 4x4 will be driven by an utter cunt who deserves to have their children taken away and their penis cut off to prevent any more mistakes.

Z.

aljahom said...

Yeah - I always thought this about Scenic drivers, as with the Picassoles.

Then I had the terrible terrible misfortune of having to drive one. Damn the company hire-car scheme.

Utterly fucking awful.. 25mph feels way beyond the limit of chassis stability, so it's no wonder these cunts drive like they're on ice.

Also the worst ergonomics in any 'car' ever, before we even get to the electric parkimng brake.

So in summary, anyone who buys one of these things should be put in a bath of ebola, for their incomparable fucking stupidity.

I therefore make it my life's work to terrorise any cunt in one of these things.

Longrider said...

Yes, well, don't set fire to mine, I need it to get across France and the UK for work. As for chassis design, it will cruise quite happily at 130kph and accelerate from there when needed without a whiff of instability (though being a diesel, this sometimes requires some planning). So, it's down to the driver, not the car.

Would I buy another one? Yup. I can get everything I need for three week's work into it and the drive is comfortable for a day at the wheel. As a working vehicle, it's ideal.

Bristol Dave said...

http://bristoldaverants.blogspot.com/2009/08/worst-cars-on-road.html

aljahom said...

So, it's down to the driver, not the car.

I think you must be right, because I've never experienced the same in a Merc, BMW, Honda, Audi, VW or Nissan.

So it's deffo the driver, yup ;o)

Oh and it can pull away at 81mph without a whiff of instability? Cool! :o)

On the autoroute, perhaps... but have you tried hustling it down the D routes?

There is no escape from your inevitable branding, Longrider. :o)

AJ

Steve Antony Williams said...

Is there a difference between versions of the Megane ? Are the coupe drivers worse than the estate drivers etc ?

Steve Antony Williams said...

Ignore me, seems the Scenic is the Ford Focus hatchback lookalike one.

Longrider said...

On the autoroute, perhaps... but have you tried hustling it down the D routes?

Yup. It's fine on those, too and again, not a whiff of instability. It's a car, a working vehicle, nothing more, nothing less. People who talk about instability when referring to modern vehicles have been listening to too much Clarkson. Clarkson may be amusing to watch, but I wouldn't take too much notice of him - he doesn't.

The Scenic does exactly what I bought it for - getting me about and it does it reliably and efficiently, which is all I ask of it. I don't give two shits about branding and I don't judge others by the vehicles they drive, merely by their behaviour on the roads and bad drivers drive all sorts of vehicles and there's an awful lot of them. Funnily enough, in BMWs, Fords, Nissans, VWs, Audis and Mercs, too. Funny, that, eh? ;)

When I go for fun, though, I take the bike.

JMT said...

Things have changed - these folk used to drive Nissans or Toyotas.

Light Blue or silver, drive at 30mph everywhere, brake at each curve in the road, every time a car approaches them, accelerate when you try to overtake, spped up to 40 at the 30mph sign and run the first red light that they meet.

2 worst advertising slogans ever:

"The car in front is a Toyota" - invariably followed by half a mile of traffic.

"You can with a Nissan" - mobile road block.

JuliaM said...

"When I go for fun, though, I take the bike."

Oh, you're gonna like Obo's newest post then... ;)

Longrider said...

Oh, you're gonna like Obo's newest post then... ;)

Indeed. he has prompted a post in response later today ;)

Obnoxio The Clown said...

I'm actually going to side with Longrider on this one: they're not at all unstable. Dull as ditchwater, definitely, but not unstable.

Longrider said...

Dull as ditchwater, definitely, but not unstable.

Unless you take out a mortgage, that applies to pretty much all mainstream modern cars... They all look the same, feel the same and sound the same. We are the Borg, we are the collective.