Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Airmiles: the modern alternative to tits on a bull

Really, though: Airmiles, what fucking use are they? I used to collect them via my credit card but then the card company decided to migrate schemes. So I was left with a large pile of points, which, for fucking two years now, I have been trying to use. But every time I want to fly somewhere, they either don't offer "free" flights there or they only offer two free seats in alternate Januarys with an Q in the day name. Or you can get a free flight, but no free hotels.

Or their fucking specials, like, and I swear to Jesus I am not making this up, a holiday in Dubrovnik at a beach resort, miles from anywhere else. Any time between November and March!

And, of course, there is sweet fucking fuck all available over school holidays. Of course.

Seriously, which fucker thought this was a good idea? So you can't fly anywhere when you want to, you can't fly anywhere you want to, you can't use them for meaningful kind of travel at all.

So, I thought I'd try their activities, you know, test drive a Ferrari, go paintballing, that kind of shit. Maybe send the kid on a rally driving experience and the missus to a spa for a day. So I set it all up, and guess what?

The cunts charge a fucking £30 admin fee because I haven't collected any airmiles in more than a year!

But the real insult, the fucking stab in the eye, the bollock-slapping cuntery that really makes me want to fucking find the cunt who runs this fucking bunch of arseholery and rip out his piles with a tweezer was this:

a fucking 60p charge for using a non-approved credit card.


Fuck you Airmiles and fuck the fucking horse you rode in on. You will absolutely never, ever see anything from me again. I will studiously avoid any of your partner businesses and if I ever meet the fucker who runs this anal extrusion, I'm going to rib his head off and shit down his throat.

You utter bunch of fucking cock-gobbling pig-felching thieves.

8 comments:

Dr Evadne said...

There is also an article on this chap in the Sunday Times money section but I can't find it in their online section.

http://business.timesonline.co.uk
/tol/business/movers_and_shakers/
article5385802.ece

Fidothedog said...

Spot on, I ended up with squillions of points and have still not used them.

Blind Pugh said...

I got suckered into the same shit. Collected miles like a demented loon only to find I'd need to spend £10,000 a month on the credit card for 5 years to afford a one-way flight to Poole in Dorset if I was lucky. Thieving conniving cunts the lot of them.

aljahom said...

Rather a belated epiphany on your part, is it not, Mr Clown?

It's just another 'loyalty' card that offers illusory benefits, while channelling your cash to partner companies for a kick-back.

To wit, I never ever have one.

No, you cunts, I don't have a Clubcard, and yes I always pay cash, you so cunts don't start targeting me with detoxes, rehab clinics, liver transplants, angiograms, colonic irrigation and rape counselling.

Pogo said...

I had a letter from them telling me that, because I hadn't collected any points in the last couple of years my exisiting pile was due to expire... I went onto the site and decided that the best way to use them up was to "buy" a shedload of wine (some of it looks quite decent) but then reached the £30 "handling charge" bit - which would be rescinded if I added new points. However, I don't have any cards that collect Airmiles...

More than a tad pissed-off I had a wander through the site and found that they have a mobile-phone "recycling" service, and that virtually any phone at all would get you a minimum of 10miles. Dug out a knackered old phone, logged in and got a reference number, bunged phone into an old jiffy-bag and sent it off to the "Freepost" address...

A few days later, voila! new miles on my account. Reselected all the booze, no handling charge, booze vouchers arrived a few days later. Result! :-)

JS said...

I had a similar experience with Beardie's airline. Similar feeings too!

Joe Public said...

You could always fly "Ryanair"

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's another example of "rip off" Britain.

A couple of years ago a friend from Australia flew in for a visit. I was amazed as she has been a battler all her life and has been struggling to pay her mortgage.

She "paid" for the flight with airmiles that she had collected over the past eight years. From what she said, it seemed so easy. Collect the miles, get enough and then book the flights.