Sunday, 11 October 2009

Cunting cunting cunting cunting FUCK!

I woke up, with that horrible feeling you get when you wake up for no apparent reason in the wee, dark hours. Did I hear something? Is there someone in the house?

I lay in bed, listening carefully. No sounds. I began to relax.



Silence. Slowly start to rela ... BEEP.

Is the DECT phone not on the charger? Get out of bed, put the light on BEEP. Very disorientated. Take the phone off the charger, just in case. Light off. Back into bed.


Fuck. Light back on, go down to alarm, type in code, maybe there's a short. BEEP. Angry now. Seems to be coming from above me, though. Mmm. Remember that smoke alarm does this when battery is low. Pull battery out of downstairs smoke alarm. Head upstairs. BEEP. Definitely. Pull battery out of upstairs smoke alarm. Turn off all the lights. Check time.

Half past fucking four.

Half past FUCKING four on a fucking Sunday morning.

And then alarm went off at half past eight again.



Slotgobs_merkin said...

You have a smoke alarm?


The only people who perish in house fires are:
* single mothers in council flats whose brats play with lighter left by their 'uncles'
* residents of parts of NI who have pissed off someone of the other religion
* old pissheads who fall asleep with fags in their mouths

Let me guess which one you are.

What went BEEP at 0830, anyway?

Mitch said...

You've been shagging Roadrunner again haven't you ?

Ross said...


Henry North London said...

I woke up at 5 15 Of course at that point Stephen Gately had no intention of waking up ever again.

Yes I know Im going straight to hell

Anonymous said...

smack,crack,charley,wizz or pills?
or run off to the circus and get yourself a proper job

Needs Sleep said...

Think yourself fucking lucky, at least you could turn the cunting thing off, unlike the bastard fucking car alarm outside my window at 2 fucking 20 going off for a whole fucking hour.

And would the council environmetal health or plod do anything about it? Yeah, good guess if you chose NO.

Still, I found out whose it was and warned them next time it does that the fucker will lose all its windows.