Here is some sound advice for anyone having an illicit love affair: if you do not want to be found out, do not arrange to sleep together on the night of March 27-28 2011.
That is the night when the Government is going to count the British population, creating a precise, comprehensive record of who was sleeping where, how old they were, what ethnic background they came from, and what kind of central heating kept them warm that night. The 2011 census is already being called a "snoopers' charter". It is certainly going to give everyone an incentive not to lay their head to rest in the wrong house, at least for that one night.
The Conservatives complained yesterday that the 32-page questionnaire is too long, too expensive, and likely to undermine public support for the exercise, especially since anyone who does not fill in the form risks a £1,000 fine. They will be sent out by post but it will be possible to fill them in online.
Snooper's charter? Sounds ominous:
The question about a person's marital status has expanded from four possibilities – married, separated, divorced, or widowed – to eight. Householders will also be asked to state how many bedrooms are in their home, information that could affect the size of council tax bills, and whether its central heating is gas, electric, oil or solid fuel. Another new question is about second homes. Anyone who stays at a different address for more than 30 days a years will be required to specify the address. For MPs, that information is now public knowledge; others might wonder why the state needs to know.
Indeed. The state can and should fuck right off with all this. It is legitimate to know how many people are in the shithole of a cuntry, but as for the rest of it, what fucking business is it of theirs? It should come as no surprise that:
The Cabinet Office minister Angela Smith said: "The questions have been devised to produce reliable and accurate data. The Office for National Statistics has carried out extensive consultations and testing to ensure that the questions are justified."
Really, Angela? Who the fucking cunt did you "consult" with? Your colleagues in the fucking Cabinet Orifice? Because no fucker asked me, nor did I ever hear any mention of a consultation, nor was anybody of a libertarian bent consulted, because you can fucking bet we would have screamed like stuck fucking pigs.
Labour: gearing up to crush you under a totalitarian boot since 1997. And don't think those Tory fuckers are any better either.
Cunts - they are all fucking cunts.
And for the first time since the mid-1970s the questionnaire will include an entire page devoted to Dutch Steamboating.