Theenk of the cheeeeeeldrennn!

I remember now why I don't watch news TV any more. This morning, while I was having my morning piss, I had the misfortune of being able to hear Margaret Atkinson, the "Children's Commissioner for England" wittering on about the effect of "regular" binge drinking parents on their kids.

"Regular binge drinking" apparently means getting pissed, whether it's once a week or once a month. Apparently, if you do this, it's detrimental to the health of your kids. (Never mind if the little fuckers drive you to drink, eh?)

But these kids are so sophisticated. Apparently, they want warning labels on booze and they want to ban booze advertising. Who saw that coming, eh?

Who would have thought, when supporting all these unpleasant restrictions on those evil smokers, that boozers would be next in line? Heaven forbid!

So, the opening salvo in the war on drink has been fired. For the cheeeeeldrennn!

First up: warning labels on booze. Then when that does nothing, graphic warning labels on booze. Then when that does nothing, a ban on booze advertising. Then when that does nothing, plain packaging on booze.

And then, of course, McDonalds, Dominos and Burger King.

1984 - here we come!

Oh, for FUCK'S sake, Ed!

The man is clearly a fucking idiot:

Private equity firms and businesses deemed to be “asset strippers” will face higher taxes under a Labour government, Ed Miliband will warn tomorrow.

And how will you know that, Ed? Will it be if someone rats them out? Will you have inspectors who go round analysing businesses to identify

companies with the “wrong values” who do not create jobs, invest in companies or train their staff

So the options are:

• Employers will be at the whim of employees who may take every rejection of jazzed-up training as an excuse to try and get their employer the higher tax level;
• Labour will employ thousands of inspectors to make sure that every business meets a checklist of bollocks criteria that will do nothing to prevent "bad" behaviour, but cost the taxpayer billions;

or

• Ed is blowing smoke up the party faithful's collective ringmeat.

And, of course, there is the tiny but hardly irrelevant matter that asset stripping is, in fact, wealth creation. You fucking idiot.

Oh, I can't wait until these cunts get back into power. Happy days.

Striking off

"Dear fellow socialists, time has come for us to acknowledge that there is a group in society, who have an insidious and far-reaching power; a group who claims to seek truth and act in our best interests, yet has a much darker aim; a group that is completely unaccountable and even when caught acting in an improper manner will escape all but the most symbolic and trite of punishments.

"I therefore propose that politicians be licensed and placed on a register, and if struck off from this register, they will not be allowed to politic at the rest of us ever again."

-- Ivan Lewis, not at all an authoritarian fuckwit, not at all speaking out of his fucking arse later today.

Ford: thinking of the cheeeeldren

I was somewhat less than amused to see that Ford has introduced nanny-state cars:

The US motoring company announced that it was extending a concept called MyKey to its European models from next year. The system allows owners to programme a particular key with limitations for the vehicle, including a maximum speed and even a cap on the audio system's volume.

Already standard on most US Ford models, the technology allows a series of options designed to make teenage motoring as safe – or, depending on your perspective, as irritating – as parents choose.

The maximum speed can be set at an already-illegal 80mph, with the option of warning chimes at 45, 55 or 65mph. Another feature means the system that curbs tyre spin cannot be deactivated. Seatbelt reminders can be set to be more regular and insistent than usual, with the radio set on silent till the deed is done.

Seriously. It's a good thing I don't fucking buy Fords, but really? I would just fucking "lose" my key and have to borrow my dad's. The whole fucking thing smacks of lunatic cotton-wool-wrapping gone totally fucking bonkers.

As if that wasn't enough:

In a slightly more nannyish vein, the warning about low fuel can be made to sound sooner, while there is an option to bar deactivation of electronic parking assistance and blind spot detection systems.

"In a slightly more nannyish vein"??? How is that more fucking nannyish than limiting speed or hifi volume, for fuck's sake?

How fucking long will it be before the government gets to dictate what parts of the car we can and can't control any more.

Of course, it's no surprise that this useless bunch of turd-burgling fuckmonkeys are happy turn motorists even more ovine than they already are, they've got a long tradition of cosying up to bullying fucks who "know better".

I'm sure BRAKE are masturbating themselves into a coma over this mongstrosity.

Labour, as ever the party that champions civil liberties (for @lukeakehurst )

Recent comment on twitter, by Labour NEC member, Luke Akehurst:

Dog Control Orders being discussed now - serious issue in Hackney's parks and open spaces

My rather inevitable response to this further encroachment of the state into things that are really not any of its fucking business was:

Oh for *fuck's* sake. What a load of utter cunt!

Luke then asked:

any particular reason for that reaction? "Status dogs" owned by gang members r serious menace in local parks

Dude! Seriously?

do you *really* think a gang is going to pay any fucking attention?

Luke's devastating response:

they will get fined if they ignore it

Right, so a gang member that is quite happy to own an illegal dog and possibly train it to be an attack dog is going to be so fucking terrified of a doggy ASBO and a fine that he's going to turn into a productive member of society instead?

Really?

Are you fucking serious?

These are the same people who collect ASBO's as a badge of honour. They are absolutely unafraid of the ASBO system. Do you not think that perhaps they may regard a doggy ASBO as a badge of honour for their dogs?

Do you really, REALLY think they're going to give a flying fuck about your stupid fucking nanny state horseshit?

Christ. Is there no end to human stupidity?

Oh, well DONE, Nanny!

Fuck's sake!

"This has got so much public attention that we will have to be outside with her for the foreseeable future because now everyone knows there is a seven-year-old standing on the side of the road every morning.”

Well fucking done, chaps.

Well fucking done.

It's not getting any better

Sorry Kingbingo, but whatever you're doing is not fucking working. I just got my local rag through the mailbox and the front page is plastered with how fucking disastrous boozing is and how much it's costing the saintly fucking useless shower of shite that is the NHS.

Not a fucking word on the fact that smoking and drinking are nett contributors to tax. Just more of the same old nannying, hectoring, we-know-better-than-you shit that filled our fucking ears while the cunts who wore red ties were in charge.

To all you authoritarian bastards, gearing up to tell us some more about how wicked and dissolute we are, I have three simple words to share with you:

Just. Fuck. Off.

Shut the fuck up ...

... you fucking motherfuckers.

(I can't add anything to that.)

Honesty in tobacco advertising

Read carefully.

On the warpath!

I see Anna Raccoon is on the warpath again. This is another opportunity for us all to show these jumped-up little Hitlers what we think of their fucking shit, so fill your boots!

Impressive

They haven't even tried this shit out with smokers:

A tough new approach to tackling drunken yobs involving twice-a-day alcohol breathalyser testing could be rolled out across London.

Deputy mayor for policing, Kit Malthouse, said subjecting repeat offenders to testing, and locking them up for 24 hours if they failed, would also save money.

Look, really, I don't like struggling through vomit-drenched streets any more than the next guy, but isn't this taking things just a little bit too far? I mean, really, for fuck's sake, this is just trying it on, surely?

Notice that this is the deputy mayor of Tory London trying this shit on. Exactly the kind of daft idea that we'd associated with Labour at the very peak of their cuntishness, once again proving that there is no fucking difference between Labour and Conservative when it comes to making our lives miserable, nor is there any fucking difference between the two when it comes to telling us how to live our fucking lives (Kingbingo!)

BoJo has already banned drinking in the tube, now they're cracking down on drinking overall. And of course, if, somehow, BoJo can claim success for this horrendous policy, you just know it will be followed up.

It's just another example of fucking politicians knowing better than the miserable proles and going way past their election manifesto to fuck up our lives.

Kit Malthouse: Le Hoon de Jour.

And cunt.

I fail to see the relevance

Spot the entirely irrelevant commonality:

Comparing the state with individuals

Douglas Carswell has an excellent post here contrasting two different ways of giving people power.

The Coalition is currently in the process of trying to implement my idea of a Great Repeal or Freedom Bill. Launched by officials as Your Freedom (but with a tone that implies their terms), it's moderated by people in Whitehall. Unsurprisingly, it has, at times, been overrun by angry trolls, and it is hard to see how it differs from every other on-line government consultation.

Meanwhile, the completely unmoderated and totally open Great Repeal Bill site, goes from strength to strength.

And as a micro example of how people can self-regulate perfectly reasonably, and discuss something significant and important without succumbing to "criminal elements", it's pretty good.

It also contrasts the government's superficially glossy but ultimately useless delivery of a service with the slightly less snazzy but infinitely more useful and usable solution created by individuals.

I'm also willing to be a fiver that the government solution cost thousands of pounds while the privately created solution simply piggy-backed off something that was already there -- something that the government could quite easily have done, but chose not to.

You might claim that this is a triviality and that it's not that important in the grand scheme of things.

I would turn that on its head and say if the government couldn't get this absolutely trivial thing done properly and cost-effectively, how on earth can you justify them trying to deliver even more complex, important and inherently expensive things properly?

Oh for fuck's sake!

Was my inevitable reaction, just from reading the headline. But when you read the article, you can see that Labour have not lost one jot of their bullying, salami-slicing ways when it comes to our civil liberties:

Credit and debit card companies should face fines if their products are used to buy child pornography on the internet, an MP says.

The Labour MP, Geraint Davies - whose motion is being debated on Wednesday - said he wanted an end to anonymity for pre-paid credit cards.

So, whatever want you might have for a pre-paid credit card, you're not allowed to have one in case you're one of the three people who buys child pornography using a pre-paid credit card.

All this means is that the whole point of a pre-paid card just goes away, and because of the actions of an excruciatingly tiny minority, everybody loses out.

Now, on face value, the "Liberal" Democrats and "small state, respecters of the individual" Tories should just laugh this out of court. But given that the Cleggeron is nothing but another pair of social democrat thugs in sharp suits, I reckon we're looking at this being shot down for appearances and then quietly smuggled in later on.

Let's wait and see...

Update: Wadsworth wades in.

The denormalisation of smokers

I read, with complete detachment, the latest story about how smokers are being vilified as paedophiles.

I remembered how, on my flight here, I was advised that not only was smoking illegal on the plane, but if I needed to light up, not only did I have to wait until I was outside the building, but I had to find a designated smoking area.

In my hotel room, every single door has a "no smoking" sign under the door number.

And, of course, as a non-smoker, this doesn't affect me in the least, other than my clothes never seem to reek of tobacco smoke any more. Which, as a non-smoker, I'm rather pleased about.

But I do have to say that I'm continually surprised by how complete the anti-smoking victory has been.

Not content with giving smokers and non-smokers the choice of a train carriage or a section of the plane, smoker's rights have been gradually eroded to the point where it now looks like a petty child is in charge of dreaming up new rules.

It's getting stupid now: not only are you not allowed to smoke inside the building, you're compelled to smoke at least 10 yards from the front door. You're not allowed to smoke in your van if you use it for work. There is talk of banning parents from smoking in cars where they might, one day, have children, let alone allowing them to smoke in front of their children.

Non-smokers are now taking the piss. Having banned smokers from the inside of pubs, they're now looking to ban them from the beer garden because it's spoiling their fun.

And it's bizarre to see so-called "social liberals", who are quite keen on having drugs unbanned and free speech and all the other social liberties restored, railing against smokers, apparently intelligent people happily swallowing any guff about second-hand smoke. These same people who will shred any "evidence" about the evils of recreational pills will also blindly swallow any "evidence" about the evils of smoking.

In my lifetime, I've seen smoking go from being a background noise to life to being something used as a cosh to hound people into misery. Petty spite seems to have become the order of the day. And it's happening all around the world. Even countries which have a healthy disrespect for official regulations are meekly toeing the line.

What is going on?

And who is going to be the next victim of the new puritans? We've already seen them start on booze and fatties.

Why are people so willing to be cowed?

JUST. FUCK. OFF.

For the fucking sake of fucking fuck, you fucking cotton-wool-wrapping fuckpiece:

Rugby scrums should be banned in schools to protect children involved in a sport which is "not safe enough" for them, an expert has warned.

Professor Allyson Pollock, director of Edinburgh University's Centre for International Public Health Policy, called for the ban after research into child injuries.

Oh for the fucking sake of fucking fuck you fucking prodnose, hectoring, interfering fucking nannying CUNT!!!!

Tell you what you fucking interfering old bitch, ban it in Scotland and watch how Scotland slides from a second-rate rugby nation to somewhere below Japan in a one short decade.

Life is full of dangerous activities, banning kids from doing something useful like a physically demanding sport is essential to improving their lives.

We're not all into tantric yoga and tofu, you fucking twat.

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Cunt.

Doctors

Right. Enough is enough.

When I go to a doctor, I expect to be seen at my convenience, for as long as I want to see the fucker. For this privilege, I expect to pay a reasonable sum and I expect him to attend to the health issues I've gone to see him about. If my diet, smoking or drinking habits are germane, I will listen to his advice and make my own mind up.

What I get when I go to a doctor is a 10-minute whistle stop squeezed into an already over-filled diary, where the doctor expects me to self-diagnose so he can perform his role as the signer of the prescription or the organiser of the specialist. I am then shooed out of the room as quickly as possible with a scrap of paper in my hand and violence in my heart.

The violence is not stilled when I read day after day of unelected cunt weasel doctors preaching about how the rest of us need to live our lives in a state of beige torpor, unenlivened by any of the things that make life worth living.

We are not allowed to smoke, with greater and greater restrictions on where and when you are allowed to smoke. Drink is next in line, with pompous declarations on "units", and daily "allowances" plucked out of the air. Fat? You bastard, don't you know that you're costing the NHS money? Money that could be used to pay overbearing prodnoses even more than they already earn?

The latest cockwaffle from these overweening proto-fascists is that hospitals will no longer allow sugar on the premises. No sweetened soft-drinks will be permitted, and fruit juices will be on the menu instead. Along with some unsalted, raw nuts perhaps.

Look you fucking cunts, don't think that because the useless government keeps throwing satchels of our fucking money at you that you're important enough to tell the rest of us how to live our fucking lives.

Piss off, shut up and count your egregious blessings. Because otherwise, after the fucking politicians, we'll be coming for you.

Oh noes! Think of the children!

Could it be that this monster is being repealed? Possibly. But...

It is now going to be stopped entirely, with a review set to create a much more slimmed down version of the vetting scheme.

You'll forgive me if I wait and see how slimmed down it turns out to be before I crack open the bubbly, won't you?

Know your limits

Tip of the clown wig to some or other b3tard.

Oh for FUCK'S sake!

A government quango has urged football fans to choose sparkling water and grapes rather than beer and crisps while watching the World Cup.

Just. Fuck. Off.