Impressive

They haven't even tried this shit out with smokers:

A tough new approach to tackling drunken yobs involving twice-a-day alcohol breathalyser testing could be rolled out across London.

Deputy mayor for policing, Kit Malthouse, said subjecting repeat offenders to testing, and locking them up for 24 hours if they failed, would also save money.

Look, really, I don't like struggling through vomit-drenched streets any more than the next guy, but isn't this taking things just a little bit too far? I mean, really, for fuck's sake, this is just trying it on, surely?

Notice that this is the deputy mayor of Tory London trying this shit on. Exactly the kind of daft idea that we'd associated with Labour at the very peak of their cuntishness, once again proving that there is no fucking difference between Labour and Conservative when it comes to making our lives miserable, nor is there any fucking difference between the two when it comes to telling us how to live our fucking lives (Kingbingo!)

BoJo has already banned drinking in the tube, now they're cracking down on drinking overall. And of course, if, somehow, BoJo can claim success for this horrendous policy, you just know it will be followed up.

It's just another example of fucking politicians knowing better than the miserable proles and going way past their election manifesto to fuck up our lives.

Kit Malthouse: Le Hoon de Jour.

And cunt.

@mayoroflondon does something useful

Now, before we start, I don't see any reason at all why the Tube couldn't be privatised, and privatised properly. Not the usual corporatist Mongolian Clusterfuck that Tory and Labour "privatisation" gives us, but actual private companies competing to deliver services.

However, it's certainly easier to have an honestly centrally provided service, but the Tube has been mis-privatised in the very worst way. Hardly surprising, since that useless Scottish freak was the architect of it.

Enter Bojo:

Boris Johnson, I can reveal, has just collapsed the controversial PPP for the Underground, the public-private deal hatched by Gordon Brown with the able assistance of Baroness Vadera.

This radical move was set to occur two weeks ago but was barred by purdah. Only now, after polling day, can it go ahead.

In a nutshell, Boris is paying £310 million to buy out Tubelines, the umbrella group for Bechtel and Ferrovial that was charged with upgrading the Tube.

As a result, Transport for London will now directly control the works with no middle man and no punishing management fees. With TfL having an excellent debt rating, it also means lower debt repayments over the long term.

More importantly for passengers, it means that Tube line closures can be slashed to fit with TfL's wishes rather than the convenience of the private sector contractors. I'm told it will mean 84 closures for works will now be reduced to just 12.

With Metronet also collapsed, it means that Boris has done something that Red Ken never managed to do (but dearly wanted) - scrap one of the worst value PFI-style schemes in history.

Now, no matter what you think of BoJo or even of "state" provided services, this is a very good thing, not only for the reasons stated above, but also for the fact that it restores a much greater degree of honesty and openness to the costs.

It's ironic that BoJo's last intervention in the Tube (about boozing) pissed me off (even though I don't drink on the Tube and even though I hate drunkards on the Tube) -- whereas I regard this as a really big step in the right direction.

Boris has shown he can handle difficult situations and if he can improve the quality of Tube service and reduce costs in one step, it's not only a great deal for people who have to use the service, I reckon it's a big shot across the bows of the massively-foreheaded one.

Boris is starting to show, not just say, that he can do good things and that he's quite happy to upset the corporatist apple cart on occasion.

Good for you, Boris!

Good for you, @mayoroflondon -- but...

I don't always agree with Boris, but I applaud him for this:

It was a dark and rainy night and I was cycling innocently home at about the speed of an elderly French onion seller, when – pok – something hit me on the side of the helmet. I heard a shout of laughter to my right, and a cry of "You ------!", and a car sped off up Shaftesbury Avenue. As anyone would in my position, I saw red. I put my foot down, and pedalled so hard that I was able to keep the weaving rump of the car in my sights, and I noted that it was some kind of souped-up Astra, licence plate M*58 H*3.

Soon the bike had beaten the car, as it always does. As they waited at the next set of lights, I pounded on the window. "Open up!" I cried. There were three kids inside, and I could see the culprit goggling up at me with appalled recognition. They lurched off again in the hope of escape, but of course I had them at the next lights.

"Open up now," I yelled, "because you aren't going to get away with it, M*58 H*3! I am the mayor!"

By this time they were starting to look a bit unnerved, and the window came down.

"I know you is the mayor," said the driver, "and it was a accident."

"Pull over!" I commanded. Eventually they pulled over in a street running up towards the British Museum.

"Do you want me to get out?" said the culprit, who obviously had some experience of being flagged down by the law.

"Er, yes," I said, noticing that it was pretty quiet around there. "Right!" I said, when we were all assembled. "Why did you throw something at my head?"

"Please, Mr Boris sir, this wasn't meant to happen."

"We know you is the mayor, man."

"We gotta lot of respect for the things you are doing."

"Hmm," I said, momentarily wondering where I was going with all this.

Indeed. I'm pleased you stopped them and shouted at them, Boris, but if they hadn't hit you, what would you have done? Just ignored it? And what would have happened if you picked the wrong car and wound up on the end of a beating, a knifing or a shooting? You know, the knives that have been banned and the guns that have been banned with such apparent success?

"Whose car is this?" I demanded.

"It's my uncle's. We are going back to Clapton after a day trip."

Yeah, right!

"Right," I said. "And what is your name?"

"My name is Derron."

"And what is yours?"

"My name is Erron."

I didn't bother to ask the third chap, having by now more or less run out of ideas, except for a general desire to stop them doing it again.

I can save you the wondering: it was Perron.

"Look, just don't throw things – er – at people's heads, OK."

"It was a accident, I swear. It was only a piece of litter."

At that point, I am afraid the red mist came down again. Only a piece of litter! Here we are in the depths of a recession, and councils in London are forced to spend about £100 million a year on cleaning up the casual detritus of people like him.

Only a piece of litter, he says, when we all know that the number one environmental concern of the British public – far ahead of global warming – is the tidiness of their neighbourhoods and the plague of litter.

Indeed. I've no idea why it bothers me so much, but litter makes me apoplectic with rage. I think it's because I think it shows a complete disrespect for everyone around them.

Why would you respect someone who has failed entirely to punish you for your misdeeds, or show you that there are boundaries to what's acceptable?

And yet the same hand-wringing cunts who will be the first out of the blocks to have a street-cleaning litter-picking are the cunts who feel that society is to blame. Look, it's not that fucking hard to carry a sweet wrapper in your pocket or in your bag till you get home. It's not fucking onerous. But why should you care when people are too fucking scared to chastise a litterer lest they be on the receiving end of a verbal assault charge or some such other fucking nonsense. And kids: fucking litterers par excellence, but you can't say shit because you just know there'll be a paedo charge on the other end of it.

Boris, me old mucker, the reality of it is that soft cunts like Labour and what the Tories have become, with the state nanny there to wipe every arse and spy on every made-up misdeed, politically pussywhipped police and a quangoed-up civil service that wants to wrap every child in cotton wool and prevent them from ever feeling the consequences of their actions, are to blame for this crap.

And right now, as part of iDave's limp, wet, flaccid and above all, entirely useless Tories, you are as much to blame for this as anyone else.

Myra Hindley Causes Olympic Offence

Sigh. More professional "offence":

Downing Street and the mayor of London have condemned the use of a portrait of murderer Myra Hindley in a video shown at a London 2012 event in Beijing.

Marcus Harvey's portrait of Hindley was one of a number of pieces of art seen in the footage filmed in a gallery.

A Downing Street spokesman said: "The use of this image is in extremely poor taste and it should not have been used to promote London."

A spokesman for Mr Johnson said: "The mayor is deeply concerned by the realisation that a shot of Myra Hindley was shown in a short video at London House and asked that it not be shown again."

The Liberal Democrats described the decision to include the image in the video as a "regrettable choice".

The party's Olympics spokesman Tom Brake said: "Of all the many masterpieces that could have been used this was the most regrettable and the least inspired choice."

Conservative MP Ann Widdecombe told the BBC she was shocked by the use of the image.

However, Visit London said:

There has never been a complaint made about the video up until this point.

Christ, more professional "offence-takers" in action. Jumped-up cockmunchers to a fucking man.

Did any of these fucking cunts bother to check what was in the cunting video before letting it loose on a fragile world (that couldn't possibly cope without a government busybody telling them that they're not going to die if they see a cunting painting of a woman, for the fucking sake of fucking fuck!?) If they didn't check the video before shipping it out to Beijing, what the fuck does that say about them?

And if they already had the fucking video, which wasn't even specially commissioned for this, what fucking cunting fucking fuck did they spend £2.5 million on?

I'm sad to say that Boris is turning out to be different to Ken, but absolutely no fucking better.

And something I really did not enjoy reading was this:

"However, if any offence has been caused, we will withdraw it from use with immediate effect."

I think it's time to start using this fucking bansturbation craze. I think we should all find something about Boris that offends us and start writing to the Evening Standard to complain and seeing if we can get him banned, piece by piece. And then, I think, we need to start working on Government as a whole. Get the whole fucking business of government banned, piece by piece. And then the EU can take a flying fuck as well.

Fucking, fucking, fucking, FUCKING CUNTS!!!!

Whole lotta shite

Via the leg-iron, I see this:

It has been delighting fans for almost 40 years but Led Zeppelin's rock classic "Whole Lotta Love" has been deemed too racy by Olympics organisers.

After choosing the song for the closing ceremony on Sunday they decided that some of the lyrics would have to be omitted or re-written amid concerns that they could cause offence.

Cause offence? Cause offence? For the fucking love of Jesus H. Fucking Christ the cunting song has been out there for nearly 40 fucking cunting Jesus-fucking years. If it was going to fucking cause offense it would almost certainly have done so by now.

The song was chosen as the centrepiece of an eight-minute £2.5million British segment at the event in Beijing at which the Olympic flag will be officially passed to the London Mayor Boris Johnson.

I'm sorry? Did you say TWO AND A HALF MILLION BRITISH POUNDS FOR EIGHT MINUTES? FIVE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHT POUNDS A SECOND???????????

What the fucking fuck are you fucking doing with our money, BoJo?

Organisers of the London 2012 Games commissioned the band's guitarist Jimmy Page to record a new version of the song to be performed on top of a special red double-decker bus accompanied by Leona Lewis, winner of the ITV reality television show The X Factor, with David Beckham looking on.

Just savour that concept again. Smell its glory.

...to be performed on top of a special red double-decker bus

accompanied by Leona Lewis, winner of the ITV reality television show The X Factor,

with David Beckham looking on.

Jesus. With David Beckham looking on. That's everything wrong with this cuntry [sic], right there.

But, according to London 2012 officials, Lewis - who grew up in east London close to the Olympic site - requested a change to the song's second verse because she was worried they would not make sense for a female singer.

£2.5 million. Eight minutes. David Beckham. Jumped-up fucking useless talentless nonentity tells master of classic rock to screw up his song.

Leona Lewis, help yourself to a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. Boris, you fucking too, you moron.

BoJo: WTF?

I must admit that I was, briefly, a fan of Red Ken. Not because I had any affiliation with his rather barmy politics, but because he'd managed to stick it to Tony. Back then, I was so desperate to see Tony get fucked over, I took an "enemy of my enemy" position. But with the advent of Kengestion charging, the LEZ and all the right-on cocktrumpeting, I soon tired of the newt molester.

So when BoJo came storming in, I thought: good-oh, here's a decent egg, got a bit of worldly experience, he'll sort things out.

The first warning bells came with the banning of boozing on the Tube. This baffled me. People actually drinking on the Tube are incredibly rare and in no way a problem. Drunks on the Tube, that's a whole 'nother thing right there. They're a complete pain in the cunt. But of course, you can't ban that as easily, can you.

So we staggered out of that, and then he parked the increased congestion charge and sacked a bunch of Trots, had a bit of a black moment and then just seemed to be getting on with it. But now he's back in the press with something that made me weep: he has appointed Rosie Boycott, former editor of the Incontinent on Sunday, as a "food czar". I then read the rest of the article and started keening, excuse me while I compose myself.

Ok, I think I can face it again:

Young people with anti-social behaviour orders could be made to work in allotments, Boris Johnson's new food czar said today.

Oh, for the fucking sake of fucking fuck, woman. What is this cuntwaftery? This sounds like a fucking Gorgon relaunch initiative. Mind you, what would you expect from someone who ran the IoS? Sense?

Former newspaper editor Rosie Boycott said the move would benefit the environment and give young people a sense of pride.

Or it might lead to vandalised allotments and spate of spade thefts, you never know.

Ms Boycott has been appointed by the Mayor to chair the London Food Board, which aims to improve access to healthy, locally-produced and affordable food. She said she would also support local markets and encourage families to eat together.

Oh God, my brain is trying to escape through my ears and strangle me to stop me from reading this shit. Boris, please do us all a favour and fire this totalitarian cunt now. If we wanted some irritating fuckwit telling us all how to live our lives, we'd have voted for Ken. We voted for you because we wanted something different, not more of the cunting same!!

"I want to advocate the use of allotments and growing our own food," she said. "We can lean on councils to release more land and kids on Asbos could be put to work on them. If you've grown your own food you feel prouder of it and appreciate it more. We also want to limit food waste and eat more locally. If everybody grows more of their own food we have a greener city and help climate change."

Rosie, where the fucking fucking fuck do you think the councils are going to get more land from? Carve it from their cocks?

Ms Boycott, a former editor of the Independent on Sunday, has her own small organic farm and writes about the importance of food in improving health and in reducing the carbon emissions which cause climate change. She has also written a book about her experiences on her farm.

Oh great! Just what we need, another bossy, nannying, hectoring, clumsy-beekeeper-faced, chatterati dilettante telling us how we need to live our lives. And she's not exactly unbiased, with that pedigree, is she?

Boris, sack the bitch and stop fucking about with this trendy lefty shit. London has more important things that need sorting out.

Rosie Boycott: fuck off and die!



Update: Bishop Hill's take on it: journalists are idiots.

Update 2: Dave's Part shows a sexist side. Snigger.