BoJo: WTF?

I must admit that I was, briefly, a fan of Red Ken. Not because I had any affiliation with his rather barmy politics, but because he'd managed to stick it to Tony. Back then, I was so desperate to see Tony get fucked over, I took an "enemy of my enemy" position. But with the advent of Kengestion charging, the LEZ and all the right-on cocktrumpeting, I soon tired of the newt molester.

So when BoJo came storming in, I thought: good-oh, here's a decent egg, got a bit of worldly experience, he'll sort things out.

The first warning bells came with the banning of boozing on the Tube. This baffled me. People actually drinking on the Tube are incredibly rare and in no way a problem. Drunks on the Tube, that's a whole 'nother thing right there. They're a complete pain in the cunt. But of course, you can't ban that as easily, can you.

So we staggered out of that, and then he parked the increased congestion charge and sacked a bunch of Trots, had a bit of a black moment and then just seemed to be getting on with it. But now he's back in the press with something that made me weep: he has appointed Rosie Boycott, former editor of the Incontinent on Sunday, as a "food czar". I then read the rest of the article and started keening, excuse me while I compose myself.

Ok, I think I can face it again:

Young people with anti-social behaviour orders could be made to work in allotments, Boris Johnson's new food czar said today.

Oh, for the fucking sake of fucking fuck, woman. What is this cuntwaftery? This sounds like a fucking Gorgon relaunch initiative. Mind you, what would you expect from someone who ran the IoS? Sense?

Former newspaper editor Rosie Boycott said the move would benefit the environment and give young people a sense of pride.

Or it might lead to vandalised allotments and spate of spade thefts, you never know.

Ms Boycott has been appointed by the Mayor to chair the London Food Board, which aims to improve access to healthy, locally-produced and affordable food. She said she would also support local markets and encourage families to eat together.

Oh God, my brain is trying to escape through my ears and strangle me to stop me from reading this shit. Boris, please do us all a favour and fire this totalitarian cunt now. If we wanted some irritating fuckwit telling us all how to live our lives, we'd have voted for Ken. We voted for you because we wanted something different, not more of the cunting same!!

"I want to advocate the use of allotments and growing our own food," she said. "We can lean on councils to release more land and kids on Asbos could be put to work on them. If you've grown your own food you feel prouder of it and appreciate it more. We also want to limit food waste and eat more locally. If everybody grows more of their own food we have a greener city and help climate change."

Rosie, where the fucking fucking fuck do you think the councils are going to get more land from? Carve it from their cocks?

Ms Boycott, a former editor of the Independent on Sunday, has her own small organic farm and writes about the importance of food in improving health and in reducing the carbon emissions which cause climate change. She has also written a book about her experiences on her farm.

Oh great! Just what we need, another bossy, nannying, hectoring, clumsy-beekeeper-faced, chatterati dilettante telling us how we need to live our lives. And she's not exactly unbiased, with that pedigree, is she?

Boris, sack the bitch and stop fucking about with this trendy lefty shit. London has more important things that need sorting out.

Rosie Boycott: fuck off and die!



Update: Bishop Hill's take on it: journalists are idiots.

Update 2: Dave's Part shows a sexist side. Snigger.