Banning always works

I don't really have anything to add to this fantastic blog post which highlights the gap between the nobility of intention of stupid politicians and the harsh truth or the real world.

Other than, perhaps: WHY DO YOU FUCKING CUNTS NEVER LEARN?

Twatstorm

Oh dear:

I wholeheartedly endorse managed anorexia, as to be fat or even not thin is to fail life.

Needless to say, the pitchforks are already out, and people who really fucking ought to know better, are giving it large.

This is a very straightforward thing: Mr Kenneth Tong is a complete fucking cunt. But you know, he's entitled to his opinion that thin girls are where it's at, and he's just as entitled to fucking stupid opinions about medical issues as say, homeopaths.

Just like no-one with any fucking sense tries to cure cancer with an ultra-diluted placebo, no one with any fucking sense is going to take diet tips from a ornamental twat. And if you're stupid enough to do either, well, then, you've fucking earned the consequences, haven't you? He's not fucking holding a gun against any fucker's head and forcing them to become anorexic, is he?

By all means, slag him off, call him a cunt, and point out his monumental stupidity.

But for Christ's sake, don't try to shut him up. Because there is already enough stupid bansturbatory cuntery around.

Anti-smokers are fucking stupid

Update: This video was pulled for some reason. Pity really.

Impressive

They haven't even tried this shit out with smokers:

A tough new approach to tackling drunken yobs involving twice-a-day alcohol breathalyser testing could be rolled out across London.

Deputy mayor for policing, Kit Malthouse, said subjecting repeat offenders to testing, and locking them up for 24 hours if they failed, would also save money.

Look, really, I don't like struggling through vomit-drenched streets any more than the next guy, but isn't this taking things just a little bit too far? I mean, really, for fuck's sake, this is just trying it on, surely?

Notice that this is the deputy mayor of Tory London trying this shit on. Exactly the kind of daft idea that we'd associated with Labour at the very peak of their cuntishness, once again proving that there is no fucking difference between Labour and Conservative when it comes to making our lives miserable, nor is there any fucking difference between the two when it comes to telling us how to live our fucking lives (Kingbingo!)

BoJo has already banned drinking in the tube, now they're cracking down on drinking overall. And of course, if, somehow, BoJo can claim success for this horrendous policy, you just know it will be followed up.

It's just another example of fucking politicians knowing better than the miserable proles and going way past their election manifesto to fuck up our lives.

Kit Malthouse: Le Hoon de Jour.

And cunt.

Common sense?

Pretty fucking uncommon sense:

According to the amendments, owners of bars and restaurants with an area of up to 100 sq m would be able to determine for themselves whether their premises should be non-smoking areas or not.

Owners of facilities with an area of more than 100 sq m will have to provide sections for non-smokers that have no direct link to the smokers' areas, according to the amendments.

And oh what a telling criticism:

News of the amendments, however, was criticised by one of the right-wing parties in Parliament, the Democrats for a Strong Bulgaria. The party's leader Ivan Kostov said that the amendments were "not a European thing to do".

No, indeed. How dare anyone challenge the demands of Eurocrats for a homogenous, sterile, bland continent.

Ivan Kostov: feel free to go fuck yourself with a Nicorette patch, you bansturbating cock-munch.

Cunts

Fucking bansturbating numpties.

All I can say is... fuck you.

Burqa off

I must admit, I'm still reeling from the shock of finding out that underneath his agreeable and articulate demeanour, Farage was just a politician after all. This burqa-banning nonsense was a real body-blow to the vision that you didn't have to be a swivel-eyed loony to want out of the EU.

Anyway, it's left to a libertarian to come up with the only sensible answer to all this stupidity:

Seriously, so what if certain groups of the population don’t live as the majority do, or live by different social norms? Farage [for it is he] is right when he says that the minority should not enforce their ways upon the majority, but it works the other way round too. The majority have no place enforcing their social norms on the minorities.

OK, so I’ve made it clear that I don’t think banning the Burqa will do any good whatsoever, and that UKIP are themselves the biggest Burqs of all. Now, here’s how, when people are given genuine freedom of conscience as well as of association, we can expect things to play out:

By allowing people to choose for themselves at the individual level if wearing a Burqa, or indeed anything of the sort, is the right choice for them, we maximize their freedom of choice of lifestyle. As there is nothing about wearing a Burqa per se that is violating the rights of others, it’s a peaceful act and therefore shouldn’t be banned. In public spaces such as tax payer funded streets, etc, wearing the burqa should be permitted, after all, the people inside them have already been forced to pay up their share! On top of that, people should be allowed to wear burqas in their own private homes. I’m pretty sure no one has suggested otherwise. At least, no one worth speaking of.

The flipside is that there should be no legal/coercive means to force people to accept burqas in their business, homes, etc. For example, UKIP go on about how, for example, you can’t wear motorcycle helmets in banks for security reasons. Those buildings are the business premises of a private organization, and they should be entirely free to set their own rules and security measures. Natwest want no face covering clothes of any kind in their branches? That’s fine. There should be no coercive method of forcing them to accept them against their will. They may, of course, go the other way and allow them. Also fine. Voluntaryism is the ideal.

The same goes for (privately owned) shopping centres, the kind that don’t allow hoods up (they exist?), for the same reasons.

In short, at all levels, relationships should be voluntary, NOT coercive.

Proud to be a binge drinker

A message to any doctor, quangocrat or politician who wants me to stop:

Go fuck yourself with an empty champagne bottle, you joyless fucks.

A work of art

Sheer, unadulterated genius!

Only the names have been changed to protect the guilty

Speaking at the BMA Annual Scottish Conference, Dr Interferingscrote - who started his campaign after his wife and children left him for someone who was less of a miserable, joyless waste of oxygen - had called for chocolate to be subject to taxation, which could be used to fund further campaigns to remove anything people enjoy from life.

Cunt.

Microsoft: a bunch of prissy cunts?

I'm not a big fan of positive discrimination, and I think many formerly persecuted minorities take the piss. But for all that, I was rather baffled by this:

Teresa says that she was harassed by other players and later suspended from XBOX Live because she identified herself as a lesbian in her profile. When she appealed to Microsoft, she says they told her that other gamers found her sexual orientation "offensive."

Teresa says:

I just recently saw a thing on your site about someones gamer tag being banned because it had the word gay in the tag.

I had a similar incident, only my account was suspended because I had said in my profile that I was a lesbian. I was harassed by several players, 'chased' to different maps/games to get away from their harassment. They followed me into the games and told all the other players to turn me in because they didn't want to see that crap or their kids to see that crap.

As if xbox live is really appropriate for kids anyways! My account was suspended and xbox live did nothing to solve this, but instead said others found it offensive.

Today I received a message from another gamer calling me a fag. I am a lesbian, so they aren't too smart if they cant get their anti-gay slurs right.

Microsoft does nothing to stop this or prevent it, but instead sides with the homophobes. No one will help me get the word out about Microsoft's anti-gay policy. Not even the HRC who says Microsoft has a positive image with them. Not to me it doesn't!

We've heard of gamers being suspended for identifying themselves as gay in their GamerTag, and even one case of a guy whose name was actually "Richard Gaywood" but his tag was suspended anyway because apparently the word "gay" is so offensive that it doesn't matter if its actually your name.

As far as we know, Microsoft is unwilling to reconsider this position.

UPDATE: Microsoft confirms their policy regarding self-identifying sexual orientation.

"And I was, like, what the fuck ... ?"

If you were the betting type, who would you bet on?

Would you be betting on the most cunning minds of the generation, who could turn toxic debt into something people would cheerfully buy, or would you be betting on the regulator, who watched all this happening and just waved it on through?

My money's on the bankers, but the wankers also want their say:

Financial regulators may in the future ban financial products if they are too risky or too complex, Lord Turner, chairman of the Financial Services Authority, said today.

Indicating that the City regulator is embarking on a dramatic change in the "philosophy" of its approach to overseeing firms, Turner said his review into regulation due next month would lead to a "banking revolution".

He said banks would be expected to put "several times" more capital aside for the risky positions held in their trading books – one of the lessons learned from the current financial crisis.

Um ... what?

So, various bits of our joined-up government want the banks to a) be more cautious, b) still lend more money out (i.e., be less cautious), c) buy government debt, d) make a profit so that they can repay the government all the money they've put in and e) pay people less for this thankless work?

I can't see any problem with that, can you?

Blimey!

Socialist Unity is not a blog I'd find by myself. However, via Matt Wardman on Twatter (yes, I'm a twatterer now, too!) I find this:

The ban on hunting with dogs was really very little to do with animal welfare, and much more to do with imposing social conformity. Opponents of blood sports don’t understand hunting, and don’t understand rural life. There is no equivalent campaign to ban factory farming simply because people want the cheap meat and don’t really care about cruelty to animals if there is any personal cost; but banning hunting allowed people to feel morally superior to other folks whose lives are different. What opponents of hunting object to is not the fate of the hunted animals, but the fact that hunters enjoy it. (Actually, there is also quite a bit of opposition specifically to fox hunting in rural areas, because the hunts are often bad neighbours, who spook other people’s livestock, leave gates open, and are typically snobby; but this opposition doesn’t extend to other forms of hunting.)

Now it turns out that urban cat owners are unleashing a circus of carnage onto the wildlife population, on a far more massive scale than the rural hunting community ever even dreamed of! Remember, most domestic cats are deliberately introduced into the urban habitat by the conscious activity of pet owners.

If the banning of hunting with dogs was really about animal welfare, then these people who opposed hunting will now stop keeping cats? Campaigners will call for cats to be banned?

No, I don’t think so. Because the opposition to hunting was nothing to do with animals, and all about fear of people with different values, and all about enforcing social conformity of urban sentimentality onto country dwellers.

I can't really disagree with him at all. Mind you, there is some hilarious stuff in there, like this:

The dislike of some people (mainly urban dwellers) for hunting is a symptom of an alienation from the visceral, sensual reality of the natural world; opponents of hunting live in a world where meat comes shrink wrapped; animals are sentimentalised and pets are treated like children. In truth, the alienation of human life to be decontextualised from the reality of animal husbandry and rearing animals for slaughter is a feature of modern industrialised society, and probably specific to capitalism.

Overcoming that alienation and putting women and men back into the natural world, overcoming the gap between town and country; and the distinction between manual and mental labour should in fact be part of the socialist project of creating a more sustainable, ecological and human-scaled society.

Which is, let's face it, pretty fucking hilarious.

Papers, tovarisch, and not the rolling kind...

This is a touch disturbing:

Next week, also in Brussels, a group called The International Coalition Against Prohibition (TICAP) was due to hold a two-day conference under the patronage of Godfrey Bloom MEP (UKIP). The event was called "Smoking Bans and Lies" and the programme was unambiguously partisan.

Venue was the European Parliament building and I understand that several readers of this blog were planning to attend.

Yesterday morning it was reported that the conference had been moved from the Parliament to a hotel near the Parliament building. Last night I was told by Gawain Towler, press officer for UKIP in Brussels, that the original conference hosted by Godfrey Bloom has been cancelled and in its place is a "new" conference with a very similar programme. (Don't ask me why. I'm only the messenger.)

The "new" conference will be called "Thinking Is Forbidden" and officially it will be hosted not by Godfrey Bloom but by the British arm of the Independence/Democracy Group (aka UKIP). Delegates who were due to attend "Smoking Bans and Lies" will be invited to attend "Thinking Is Forbidden" instead.

The reason for this game of musical chairs seems to be related to THIS outrageous letter which was sent, in December, to Hans-Gert Pöttering, president of the European Parliament, by Florence Berteletti Kemp, director of the Smoke Free Partnership (which includes Cancer Research UK).

In her letter, Kemp argues that "this event should not under any circumstances take place on the premises of the European Parliament". She then gives the following reasons:

• "the event appears to be in contravention of Parliament’s own rules of procedure and is detrimental to the dignity of Parliament"

• "the event goes against all of Parliament’s adopted reports and the European Community’s legislation and commitments on this topic"

• "it violates the spirit of the International Framework Convention on Tobacco Control"

There's a lot more of this high-handed nonsense in Kemp's letter and any self-respecting institution would have torn it up and sent her packing. But not the European Parliament. I am told that on on Tuesday 12 January a committee met in camera and decided that permission for the conference to be held within the Parliament building had been withdrawn.

Neither Godfrey Bloom nor anyone else associated with "Smoking Bans and Lies" were told that the conference was on the agenda. In their absence, the committee acted as judge and jury. According to UKIP's Gawain Towler, the organisers only discovered that they were barred from using the Parliament building on Tuesday this week, a full seven days after the meeting.

Is it just me, or is that a bit fucking high-handed, totalitarian, undemocratic and also just a little bit cheeky?

What next? Banning Agadoo?

Via Counting Cats, this utter cuntwaftery:

The Hokey Cokey is an old novelty song that has been sung in music halls, at children's parties and at sherry-fuelled family gatherings for many years.

But according to the Catholic Church and some Scottish politicians, singing the popular tune that begins with the words "You put your right hand in, your right hand out," may constitute an act of religious hatred.

A spokesman for the leader of the church in Scotland said the song had disturbing origins.

Critics claim that Puritans composed the song in the 18th century in an attempt to mock the actions and language of priests leading the Latin mass.

Now politicians have urged police to arrest anyone using the song to "taunt" Catholics under legislation designed to prevent incitement to religious hatred.

All I can say is:



What a complete fucking fatuity this is. I don't give a flying fuck about the origins of this terrible song, but rest assured that if it offends a Scottish politician, I will be singing it at the top of my voice every time I set foot in that fucking shithole of a frozen tundra.

Let me further guess that all those "assurances" given at the time of the passing of the fatuous Religious Hatred bill are not worth the spunk in a week-old used condom?

Cunts.

Update: Via the Croydonian in an unrelated post:

This calls for an Emo Phillips joke:

"I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" He said, "Baptist!" I said,"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" He said, "Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said,"Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.

She's Fucking Nuts ...

This morning, I happened to watch five minutes of BBC Breakfast or whatever the cunting fuck it's called. Some boot-faced old harridan called Kate Something-or-other was wittering on about what a disgrace Zoo and Nuts and that sort of magazine was, and how they should be banned.

It's always a boot-faced old harridan, have you noticed?

She ever tried to drag kiddy porn into the debate, clearly not noticing that there are a number of women who make very good livings, thanks, just from getting their norks out for a bunch of hormonal twats who can't pull women, so they pull themselves.

Listen you old cunt-featured shithole, even if Zoo objectifies women and makes men see them solely as sexual objects, don't worry, you're safe. No-one is going near you.

You raddled old tuna-smelling battleaxe.

Update: Turns out, she's actually called Kate Smurf-face or something, she's a "comedienne" and about as funny as face cancer. Even compared to Old Holborn, she's egregiously self-regarding. So, that's another thing she can do better than any man. The first is to be a self-obsessed twat.

Banning knives ...

... that's really worked, hasn't it?

A warm late summer afternoon on a leafy street in an area colonised by fashionable cafes and shops came to an abrupt end when the peace was shattered by a raw, terrifying eruption of gang violence this week.

Armed with spades, screwdrivers, bars and sticks, two gangs clashed and sent locals fleeing into shops for safety.

As I have said elsewhere: knives are just tools. Ban them and "decent, hard-working folks" are deprived of the right to carry a tool. Thugs will just move on to the next weapon or ignore the law.

What's coming next? A ban on carrying concealed screwdrivers?

Myra Hindley Causes Olympic Offence

Sigh. More professional "offence":

Downing Street and the mayor of London have condemned the use of a portrait of murderer Myra Hindley in a video shown at a London 2012 event in Beijing.

Marcus Harvey's portrait of Hindley was one of a number of pieces of art seen in the footage filmed in a gallery.

A Downing Street spokesman said: "The use of this image is in extremely poor taste and it should not have been used to promote London."

A spokesman for Mr Johnson said: "The mayor is deeply concerned by the realisation that a shot of Myra Hindley was shown in a short video at London House and asked that it not be shown again."

The Liberal Democrats described the decision to include the image in the video as a "regrettable choice".

The party's Olympics spokesman Tom Brake said: "Of all the many masterpieces that could have been used this was the most regrettable and the least inspired choice."

Conservative MP Ann Widdecombe told the BBC she was shocked by the use of the image.

However, Visit London said:

There has never been a complaint made about the video up until this point.

Christ, more professional "offence-takers" in action. Jumped-up cockmunchers to a fucking man.

Did any of these fucking cunts bother to check what was in the cunting video before letting it loose on a fragile world (that couldn't possibly cope without a government busybody telling them that they're not going to die if they see a cunting painting of a woman, for the fucking sake of fucking fuck!?) If they didn't check the video before shipping it out to Beijing, what the fuck does that say about them?

And if they already had the fucking video, which wasn't even specially commissioned for this, what fucking cunting fucking fuck did they spend £2.5 million on?

I'm sad to say that Boris is turning out to be different to Ken, but absolutely no fucking better.

And something I really did not enjoy reading was this:

"However, if any offence has been caused, we will withdraw it from use with immediate effect."

I think it's time to start using this fucking bansturbation craze. I think we should all find something about Boris that offends us and start writing to the Evening Standard to complain and seeing if we can get him banned, piece by piece. And then, I think, we need to start working on Government as a whole. Get the whole fucking business of government banned, piece by piece. And then the EU can take a flying fuck as well.

Fucking, fucking, fucking, FUCKING CUNTS!!!!

Tabloid journalism kicks in...

This looks like a perfectly presentable, decent chap. Sounds fairly sensible.

I've dozens of knives at home and not one has killed anybody because I've never put them to that purpose. I have a huge meat cleaver and two massive machetes, bought as much because I found them cool as their practical use. I've never used them against anyone nor have I any intention to (excepting perhaps any burglar stupid enough to catch me at home). Are my actions "disgusting"? What about in my more foolish moments when I wave them around and make swishing noises? Stupid but pretty innocent in the grand scheme of the human condition.

Well, apart from waving knives around, making whoosing noises. Everyone knows a light-saber is the whooshy weapon of choice. Idiot.

Anyway, his article was all about how knife crime is bad and what could we do to fix it, coming up with a novel idea to shame knife carriers properly, by reducing their street cred, not bolstering it with an ASBO. Go read his post and then see what happened next.

Enter the Daily Blither:

A tory councillor caused outrage by claiming knives are "cool" and posting footage of fights on his internet blog.

Teacher Philip Thomas, 27, boasted he has "a huge meat cleaver and two massive machetes" he bought "as much because I found them cool as their practical use".

He threatened to use them on burglars and said: "In foolish moments..I wave them around and make swishing noises". He posted links to graphic films on YouTube of a "road rage" incident and "a boxer" beating up two men.

I wonder why they did that then? Bunch of cunts.

I suggested he shank them, but he's probably too polite.

Footnote: I see that despite owning two machetes and a meat cleaver, Philip is too modest to suggest that he has a huge chopper. Come on, Phil, Trixy needs saving!

BoJo: WTF?

I must admit that I was, briefly, a fan of Red Ken. Not because I had any affiliation with his rather barmy politics, but because he'd managed to stick it to Tony. Back then, I was so desperate to see Tony get fucked over, I took an "enemy of my enemy" position. But with the advent of Kengestion charging, the LEZ and all the right-on cocktrumpeting, I soon tired of the newt molester.

So when BoJo came storming in, I thought: good-oh, here's a decent egg, got a bit of worldly experience, he'll sort things out.

The first warning bells came with the banning of boozing on the Tube. This baffled me. People actually drinking on the Tube are incredibly rare and in no way a problem. Drunks on the Tube, that's a whole 'nother thing right there. They're a complete pain in the cunt. But of course, you can't ban that as easily, can you.

So we staggered out of that, and then he parked the increased congestion charge and sacked a bunch of Trots, had a bit of a black moment and then just seemed to be getting on with it. But now he's back in the press with something that made me weep: he has appointed Rosie Boycott, former editor of the Incontinent on Sunday, as a "food czar". I then read the rest of the article and started keening, excuse me while I compose myself.

Ok, I think I can face it again:

Young people with anti-social behaviour orders could be made to work in allotments, Boris Johnson's new food czar said today.

Oh, for the fucking sake of fucking fuck, woman. What is this cuntwaftery? This sounds like a fucking Gorgon relaunch initiative. Mind you, what would you expect from someone who ran the IoS? Sense?

Former newspaper editor Rosie Boycott said the move would benefit the environment and give young people a sense of pride.

Or it might lead to vandalised allotments and spate of spade thefts, you never know.

Ms Boycott has been appointed by the Mayor to chair the London Food Board, which aims to improve access to healthy, locally-produced and affordable food. She said she would also support local markets and encourage families to eat together.

Oh God, my brain is trying to escape through my ears and strangle me to stop me from reading this shit. Boris, please do us all a favour and fire this totalitarian cunt now. If we wanted some irritating fuckwit telling us all how to live our lives, we'd have voted for Ken. We voted for you because we wanted something different, not more of the cunting same!!

"I want to advocate the use of allotments and growing our own food," she said. "We can lean on councils to release more land and kids on Asbos could be put to work on them. If you've grown your own food you feel prouder of it and appreciate it more. We also want to limit food waste and eat more locally. If everybody grows more of their own food we have a greener city and help climate change."

Rosie, where the fucking fucking fuck do you think the councils are going to get more land from? Carve it from their cocks?

Ms Boycott, a former editor of the Independent on Sunday, has her own small organic farm and writes about the importance of food in improving health and in reducing the carbon emissions which cause climate change. She has also written a book about her experiences on her farm.

Oh great! Just what we need, another bossy, nannying, hectoring, clumsy-beekeeper-faced, chatterati dilettante telling us how we need to live our lives. And she's not exactly unbiased, with that pedigree, is she?

Boris, sack the bitch and stop fucking about with this trendy lefty shit. London has more important things that need sorting out.

Rosie Boycott: fuck off and die!



Update: Bishop Hill's take on it: journalists are idiots.

Update 2: Dave's Part shows a sexist side. Snigger.