Who's fucking fault is this, anyway?

Fuck. I really shouldn't watch TV, especially not BBC "news".

This morning, while I was getting ready, I could hear about the scandal that diabolical bastard supermarkets have plenty of flu vaccine, while hard working families can't get their kids immunised because the sainted NHS doesn't have enough stock to go round.

Hard working families can't get their kids immunised at supermarkets, because supermarkets are not allowed to immunise kids.

And then, of course, a GP weighed in: what needs to happen, is that supermarket stocks of flu jabs should be "transferred" to local doctors.

"Transferred."

Of course, what they mean is: the NHS should be entitled to fucking plunder and loot supermarkets, who have paid for these cunting jabs and actually have enough stock to immunise people, while the fucking NHS, whose fucking job it is to immunise people, doesn't have the stocks because they're spending money on breast implants, climate change management and healthy eating initiatives.

And of course, this being the BBC, no fucker dare float the idea that supermarkets should be able to immunise anyone who fucking asks for a jab.

Jesus. What a fucking shower of rancid goat shit.

I fail to see the relevance

Spot the entirely irrelevant commonality:

In other news

Markets solve a thorny issue.

People's lives are saved, healthcare spend is reduced significantly. The one country which has this market is the one country that has no significant waiting list.

But we can't entrust these things to a market. Oh, no! They're much too important.

So we'll just let people die, instead. That's a much more sensible solution.

Doctors

Right. Enough is enough.

When I go to a doctor, I expect to be seen at my convenience, for as long as I want to see the fucker. For this privilege, I expect to pay a reasonable sum and I expect him to attend to the health issues I've gone to see him about. If my diet, smoking or drinking habits are germane, I will listen to his advice and make my own mind up.

What I get when I go to a doctor is a 10-minute whistle stop squeezed into an already over-filled diary, where the doctor expects me to self-diagnose so he can perform his role as the signer of the prescription or the organiser of the specialist. I am then shooed out of the room as quickly as possible with a scrap of paper in my hand and violence in my heart.

The violence is not stilled when I read day after day of unelected cunt weasel doctors preaching about how the rest of us need to live our lives in a state of beige torpor, unenlivened by any of the things that make life worth living.

We are not allowed to smoke, with greater and greater restrictions on where and when you are allowed to smoke. Drink is next in line, with pompous declarations on "units", and daily "allowances" plucked out of the air. Fat? You bastard, don't you know that you're costing the NHS money? Money that could be used to pay overbearing prodnoses even more than they already earn?

The latest cockwaffle from these overweening proto-fascists is that hospitals will no longer allow sugar on the premises. No sweetened soft-drinks will be permitted, and fruit juices will be on the menu instead. Along with some unsalted, raw nuts perhaps.

Look you fucking cunts, don't think that because the useless government keeps throwing satchels of our fucking money at you that you're important enough to tell the rest of us how to live our fucking lives.

Piss off, shut up and count your egregious blessings. Because otherwise, after the fucking politicians, we'll be coming for you.

Oh for FUCK'S sake!

A government quango has urged football fans to choose sparkling water and grapes rather than beer and crisps while watching the World Cup.

Just. Fuck. Off.

Leg-Iron will explode

Obo lights the blue touch paper and retires to a safe distance.

Update: Christ Almighty!

Tip of the clown wig to @charlottegore.

Does this smack of desperation to you?

Really, this is just incomprehensible:

The Climate and Health Council, a collaboration of worldwide health organisations including the Royal College of Nursing, the Royal College of Physicians and the Royal Society of Medicine, believes there is a direct link between climate change and better health.

Their controversial plan would see GPs and nurses give out advice to their patients on how to lower their carbon footprint.

The Council believes that climate change “threatens to radically undermine the health of all peoples”.

Firstly, until fucking doctors can reliably demonstrate useful basic diagnostic skills and nurses can stop trying to kill us with egregiously filthy hospitals, they can fuck off trying to tell me ANYTHING.

Secondly, on what possible basis can you argue that my doctor needs to tell me to worry about something that's (possibly) going to happen in 100 year's time? Fuck off, already, I haven't done my Christmas shopping, I've got e-fucking-nough to worry about.

Thirdly, how fucking desperate is this? We've caught caught the pro-AGW "scientists" cheating like absolute motherfuckers, so now they're wheeling out the fucking doctors and nurses?

Fourthly, ALL peoples?

And this is really the point which sets off my bullshit detectors on the whole AGW scam: there will be no benefits to warming. Everybody will be worse off. Instead of not freezing to death in winter (which is much more prevalent than broiling in summer) you will, instead, be killed just as hard by a warmer summer. The increased rain that will fall will only cause floods, there won't be fewer hose-pipe bans or better crops or anything like that.

And what are these fuckers getting so exercised about anyway? It's hundreds of years away, we don't know what the consequences are going to be and we don't even know if it's happening at all. You might as well tax us to help prevent another planet-shaker comet, for fuck's sake!

But I can see we need to keep our eyes on Professor Mike Gill:

"We have the evidence, a good story to tell that dramatically shifts the lens through which climate change is perceived, and we have public trust."

Mike, sweetie: there is no fucking evidence, your story sucks balls and I don't trust the NHS to tell me the fucking time.

What the fuck is it with these jumped-up, overweening, nannying, hectoring, bullying fucking doctors, anyway? Stop fucking sticking your busybody, authoritarian fucking noses into things that don't concern you. Start fucking doing your jobs properly.

Until you do, you can all fuck off and die.

Cunts.

Update: Leggy and Dick are equally unamused.

Oh, FFS!

Jesus fucking Christ:

Drinking steaming hot tea has been linked with an increased risk of oesophageal (food tube) cancer, Iranian scientists have found.

WTF? All these years we've been reading about the health benefits of green teas and stuff, and now it turns out it's going to kill us because we drink them neat?

Look you fucking health nazis, any fucking thing done to extremes will damage you. But what will we have now? Fucking health warnings on PG Tips? Tea only sold to over-18s? Licenses to sell tea?

Just fucking fuck off, all of you!

Tip of the clown wig to the very scary lady.

Once again, saying it better than I ever could

Bastards:

DOCTORS should be taxed every time they open their fat, smug, overpaid mouths, it was claimed last night.

People across Britain said the money could be reinvested in the NHS and used to pay for nice foreign doctors who just treat you instead of making you feel like Adolf Eichmann every time you fancy a Star Bar.

Damn tooting!

Only the names have been changed to protect the guilty

Speaking at the BMA Annual Scottish Conference, Dr Interferingscrote - who started his campaign after his wife and children left him for someone who was less of a miserable, joyless waste of oxygen - had called for chocolate to be subject to taxation, which could be used to fund further campaigns to remove anything people enjoy from life.

Cunt.