The US motoring company announced that it was extending a concept called MyKey to its European models from next year. The system allows owners to programme a particular key with limitations for the vehicle, including a maximum speed and even a cap on the audio system's volume.
Already standard on most US Ford models, the technology allows a series of options designed to make teenage motoring as safe – or, depending on your perspective, as irritating – as parents choose.
The maximum speed can be set at an already-illegal 80mph, with the option of warning chimes at 45, 55 or 65mph. Another feature means the system that curbs tyre spin cannot be deactivated. Seatbelt reminders can be set to be more regular and insistent than usual, with the radio set on silent till the deed is done.
Seriously. It's a good thing I don't fucking buy Fords, but really? I would just fucking "lose" my key and have to borrow my dad's. The whole fucking thing smacks of lunatic cotton-wool-wrapping gone totally fucking bonkers.
As if that wasn't enough:
In a slightly more nannyish vein, the warning about low fuel can be made to sound sooner, while there is an option to bar deactivation of electronic parking assistance and blind spot detection systems.
"In a slightly more nannyish vein"??? How is that more fucking nannyish than limiting speed or hifi volume, for fuck's sake?
How fucking long will it be before the government gets to dictate what parts of the car we can and can't control any more.
Of course, it's no surprise that this useless bunch of turd-burgling fuckmonkeys are happy turn motorists even more ovine than they already are, they've got a long tradition of cosying up to bullying fucks who "know better".
I'm sure BRAKE are masturbating themselves into a coma over this mongstrosity.