Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Northern monkies

Listen lady, I'm not your fucking "love" or "darling", OK? Especially when you're fucking me around while I'm trying to buy some fucking beer.


Constantly Furious said...

Calm down,love.

increasinglymiffed said...

You'll get yourself all het up, darling!

JP said...

Some cow called me 'duckie' the other day. Not impressed.

Ed P said...

Don't go to Cornwall - they'll call you "my lover" (moy luvverr)!

BTS said...

You could have been in there..

The Grim Reaper said...

Would you prefer that the woman goes "That'll be £2.50, you cunt" instead?

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

£2.50????? Down here, it's now £3.00!!!!!

Thank your lucky stars, you're getting it cheap.

Fidel Cuntstruck said...

Don't take it too personally old chap, it's just a game we play up here, called "fuck with the Southerner's head"

Joe Public said...

Bet it took 8 pints-or-so to return the compliment?

Anonymous said...

I'm a northern monkey myself, Obo. And every northern monkey knows that the correct spelling of the plural of 'monkey' is 'monkeys'.

Fucking southern donkies.

microdave said...

One of the checkout ladies at my local Sainsbury's uses these "terms of endearment" - It doesn't bother me in the slightest, although I have jokingly reminded her that she isn't supposed to speak to customers like that in this (fucked up) country.

You ought to be thankful that someone pays you a compliment, seeing as how scary you look......

Weston Bay said...

Oh loosen up Obo. You should thank your lucky stars there are still friendly, sociable people like her about. You're just being a miserable fuck (again);O)

Reminds me of when I first moved to WsM and a barmaid asked "what can I get for you, loverrr". At the time I thought she was taking the piss putting on a faux Somerset accent. Doesn't bother me in the slightest now.

So just chill out and enjoy the good nature of others. There's precious little of it about. It'll add years to your life! :OD

a geordie said...

You soft, fucking, southern cunt. You will never understand your superiors in the North.

The Grim Reaper said...

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said £2.50? Down here, it's now £3.00! Thank your lucky stars, you're getting it cheap."

£2.50 was more of an example than an actual price. As it happens, I'm in Northern Ireland and I normally pay about £2.80 or so on average.

What's the most expensive pint anyone here's ever had?

Anonymous said...

£1.40 a pint lol

MTG said...

Northern paedos if you please - Oiksmen, if you must.

Constantly Furious said...

Most expensive pint on a regular basis is the London Pride in Guy Ritchie's pub, the Punch Bowl, in Mayfair.

4 quid a fucking pint.

iangoole said...

Steady on cocker, you'll pull a plum that way...

Sperm Lewis said...

David Kynaston, Family Britain 1951-57, p183

'The fullest rendition [of pub conversation] we have comes from Room Three of the Cannon in Middlesborough, where one Monday evening the patient [Mass Observation] investigator listened to Gerry, Bob and Mrs Richards, all three of them regulars. The topics discussed were, in toto:

The Boys' chances against Derby County at Football
The landlord of the Cannon's ban on singing
A forthcoming 'do' in the select room of the Cannon
The service at the pub called the Turf
The beer being weak - 'the rain's got in' says Bob
The weather (train of thought from the last topic)
Deadness of the pub at the moment
The Boys' chances against Derby
The forthcoming 'do' at the Cannon
The quality of the beer
A street outing to Borsbeck
The local looney bin
Gerry's woman friend
Deadness of the pub
The cost of pub chairs
Gerry's pipe
The Boys' chances against Derby
People's ages
The current pantomime and the week's films
The quality of the beer
The forthcoming 'do' at the Cannon
The outing to Borsbeck
Pubs and landlords in general
Leeds as the best town in the country
Beer pumps with glass tubes
Lack of 'everything' in Middlesborough

barnsley sime said...

that's a big fucking brush that you are dipping in the tar fella!