Sunday, 29 November 2009

The wonder of English life

Seriously, I have to wonder if it's me. I was stuck on a train, not late, but after dark with a large bunch of staggering drunk football supporters, one of whom thought it was the very acme of drollery to eject the most repellent flatulence I've ever had to survive (and anyone who has been in a Dubai taxi will know that it's a high bar!) when he wasn't staggering around bashing into people.

At one point, I thought the adrenalin- and booze-fuelled twats were going to kick off, because I could hear them hurling abuse at each other, even though my noise-cancelling headphones.

So there I was, on a wonderful English train for the best part of two hours, freezing on top because all the windows were open to allow the stench to escape and roasting on the bottom because the heating was on at full chat, eyes watering from the stink and occasionally having a fat smelly arse bashing me on the shoulder while enjoying the wit and banter of a bunch of drunken thugs.

And suddenly the socialist French looked so appealing.

16 comments:

SteveShark said...

Fucking hell...are we all going to end up over the other side of the Channel?

Joe Public said...

Only a few days ago, you were complaining about slow lorry drivers forming a rolling blockade to delay you.

MTG said...

An ironic structural imperfection in the human genome allows a sudden murderous urge to occur at any point during meditation of the non-violent society.

Dippyness. said...

They don't only do it on trains...try standing in a check out queue behind a couple of 'em!
Not a fan of France but.... You have a point.

Anonymous said...

Why ?

Weston Bay said...

And suddenly the socialist French look so appealing.

Always knew you were one of us* deep down, Obo. Can I call you 'comrade'? ;o)

*Socialist that is, not necessarily French- though they're pretty cool too.

SaltedSlug said...

Mate, I've only been in the country since 6am and I want back out again.
The colonies have their own pros and cons but seriously: fuck this place.

James Higham said...

Public transport here - a fiendish plot.

Mitch said...

Aint browns Britain great eh?

Oldrightie said...

Life is far better in The Marches. Animals smell far better than the British City thugs!

The phantom raspberry blower said...

A strange phenomena - other people's farts smell worse than your own - but if not - you are in trouble - see a doctor.

Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs said...

French birds have an abundance of pubic hair which is obviously anathma to those pour souls afflicted with Chaetophobia.

Still, I'd rather shag a French bird than take the fucking train. It attracts all sorts of lice.

An the fucking train's not much better either.

WV: garlicocknogastronomy

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

Perhaps it's all those farts that cause global warming?

Anonymous said...

the french, they dress nice and have manners, yes i can understand that thought.

aljahom said...

It certainly isn't juyst you because I endured an almost identical experience on a train last night.

Going out at the weekends just seems ever more unpleasant a pursuit, and certainly not conducive to relaxation.

Another one here for France.

Dungeekin said...

And yet the Nanny State denies us our legitimate right to carry, and use, a flamethrower.

No jury in the land would convict.

D