Captain Cameron, there's an iceberg dead ahead!

I say, old boy, best you go line up the deckchairs so they don't hurt anybody when the Titanic hits it, eh?

The Chairman of the BBC will be the first casualty in a shake-up of the corporation if the Tories win the general election, The Times has learnt.

An incoming Conservative government would scrap the BBC Trust, which is led by Sir Michael Lyons, and create a new body answerable to licence fee payers.

But David Cameron faces an early battle, with sources close to the trust making plain last night that the ruling body would fight the changes.

Senior Tory sources told The Times that, if elected, the party would act swiftly to transform the BBC Trust into the “licence fee payers’ trust”, and create a new post of non-executive chairman to work alongside Mark Thompson, the Director-General.

The party believes that the changes, which can be carried out within the boundaries of the BBC’s Royal Charter, would give Mr Thompson a “cheerleading chairman” and allow the revamped trust to play more effectively its key role of representing the interests of those who pay £142.50 a year for the BBC’s services.

Jesus CHRIST Cameron! Is there no fucking problem where you will entirely fail to grasp the nettle and properly fix things? Are you going to tinker like a bored teenager with every problem so that absolutely nothing actually gets better? You really are a clueless FUCK with no fucking idea of what's actually wrong and how difficult it's going to be to fix, aren't you?

Stop fucking pissing around like a schoolgirl pantywaist. Be a man, grow a set and tell the BBC to FUCKING GET IT'S OWN MONEY AND FUCK OFF AND DIE.

You useless, spineless, gormless CUNT!