Sunday, 28 March 2010

Brilliant heckling story

From Tom Harris:

And my favourite heckling story concerns the late Eric Douglas, son of Spartacus star Kirk Douglas. It’s one of those stories that can be filed under “Probably Not true But We Hope It Is”:

Eric was performing in a London comedy club and his act wasn’t going down too well; members of the audience were losing interest and beginning to chat to each other during his act. The comedian lost patience with this rudeness and started to harangue them: “How dare you behave like this? Do you know who I am? I’m Kirk Douglas’s son!”

At which point, a bloke in the audience stood up and shouted: “No! I’m Kirk Douglas’s son!” Then another man, in another part of the room, stood up: “No! I’m Kirk Douglas’s son…”


BTS said...

Bloody old story. He died over five years ago FFS. No fresh meat for a Sunday morning then, you lazy bastard?

Obnoxio The Clown said...

I just lost all the stuff I had lined up when FF unexpectedly opened without restoring all my history.

Fucking cunts.

Antisthenes said...

Well I thought it was funny, got any more?

Obnoxio The Clown said...

"In one of my films they had a young bit player who was very pretty, but a terrible actress. However, she was very ambitious and decided that if she got some experience in the theater, it would help her career. Fortunately, she had a wealthy boyfriend who backed a road company of The Diary of Anne Frank just so she could play the leading role — Anne Frank.

Before the opening in Cleveland, Ohio, they had three weeks of intensive rehearsals, and every day was more and more frustrating for the director. The actress was impossible. She couldn't remember her lines, her delivery was amateurish, and the more she rehearsed, the worse she got. The director was ready to quit the show, but she told him she was a poor rehearser. "Believe me," she assured him, "when I face that opening-night audience, it'll all come together."

She invited me to the opening night, but I was not all that anxious to see her perform, and I had even less desire to be in Cleveland in February. A friend of hers and mine did go, and later he told me what I'd missed.

When the curtain went up she blew her opening lines, and her performance went downhill from then on. By the intermission the audience was totally fed up with her. Then, in the first scene in the second act, when the Nazi soldiers broken into the home, overturning furniture and shouting, "Where is she? Where's Anne Frank?!" the whole audience yelled back, "She's in the attic!""

sixtypoundsaweekcleaner said...

That was just terrible...almost as bad as that one about the prawn.

Antisthenes said...

Yep, I liked that one as well. I haven't heard the one about the prawn.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Prawn story.

Antisthenes said...

The prawn joke has made my day. I haven't laughed so much for a long time.

BTS said...

There are two guys talking.

The first one says:

“You know, the day I met you, I thought you were a cunt. And every time we’ve met since I thought you were a cunt. And it can’t just be me, because everyone who’s ever met you thinks you are a cunt, and probably everyone who will ever meet you will think you’re a cunt. In fact, you’ve got to be the second-biggest cunt in the world.”

The second guy thinks about this for a while.

“So... the day you met me you thought I was a cunt?”


“And every day since you’ve thought I was a . . .”


“And everyone I’ve ever met thinks I’m a . . .”

“You got it.”

“And everyone I will ever meet will think I’m a . . .”


“So how comes”, he says, triumphantly, “I’m only the second biggest cunt in the world?”

“The first guy looks at him with total contempt. "Because you’re a cunt”, he says.

I can just see Peter Cook and Obo sitting on that park bench now..

g1lgam3sh said...

I remember John Cooper Clarke saying to a heckler..."I'm sorry mate I can't hear you, your mouth's full of shit"