Right up until the end:
Tax simplification. Conservatives will create an Office of Tax Simplification. It will become an independent and permanent voice on tax law, operating in a similar way to the National Audit Office, which will create a sustained and powerful institutional pressure for the simplification of the tax system.
Yes! The bonfire of the quangos rules!
Way to fucking go, Dave. You fucking simpering moron. We look to the Tories to reduce the size of government. You don't need a fucking quango to "create a sustained and powerful institutional pressure for the simplification of the tax system." Fuck, I'll do it for you now. For free.
- No tax is payable on the first £12,500 of individual earnings (including Citizens Income).
- Individual tax is 20% above £12,500. No deductions, no expenses, no shit.
- Corporation tax is 1% of income earned in the UK, no exemptions, no allowances, no deductible expenses, no fucking incentives, no shit.
- National Insurance is 5% on employers, 5% on employees, also above £12,500.*
- There are no personal tax credits. There is no dole. There is no income support.
- Every UK citizen above 16 gets an income of £50 a week. Pensioners get an extra £50 a week per "family" i.e., single pensioners get a total of £100 a week, married pensioners get a total of £150 a week (until they've been rolled off the ponzi scheme, anyway - the state pension scheme will be closed to new entrants.)
- The first child in a family gets the family an allowance of £50 a week until their 16th birthday, when the kid get the money. Subsequent children get fuck all until they are 16.
And if that means we can't afford diversity outreach co-ordinators and massive state advertising campaigns, well, that's tough.
Update: Someone's finally had a proper good idea in CCHQ.
*NI would go down as the ponzi commitment goes down. People who live through the transition are a bit screwed, but frankly, we're so fucking screwed anyway, who's going to notice it? Happy to hear any suggestions for compensation for these unlucky folks. Perhaps an equivalent government contribution to their private pension plans made out of reserves.
If there are any.