Sound

I rarely agree with the Eventard, but he's spot on here:

But, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it’s going to happen. Mandelson & Co have just been kicking the ball around within the centre circle in this pre-election period. There is no need for the “underdog” to peak early. Why should Labour make the running while the Tories keep exposing themselves with their muddled thinking?

Soon the phoney war will end and the deadly game of winning the election will begin. What the campaign will need is a game-changing moment that will inspire and engage the voters. The party that can provide this will win the election, no matter what the polls say at the present time.

The utterly useless, vacuous Tories haven't got a fucking story to tell that anyone wants to hear. I can't believe that they haven't worked out that the cuntry is fucking sick of Labour, of nannying, of taxes, of bansturbation ...

They could totally their chances everything by returning to small-state conservatism, but iDave has made it quite clear that he doesn't believe in that. This is all going to come down to a decision between two sets of appalling, amoral, unprincipled, mendacious cunts.

Fuck 'em. I really, really want them both to lose.

Now there's a headline I have no problem believing

Cunt:

Gordon Brown 'went for second best to spite Tories'

Is there no depth the monocular mentalist scum will not plumb for cheap and tawdry political advantage?

It's fucking even worse, because Mandelsnake looks like a fucking hero by comparison:

Gordon Brown rejected advice from Lord Mandelson to seek one of the big economic posts in the European Commission for Britain once it was clear that Tony Blair could not succeed in becoming Europe’s first president, The Times has learnt. Instead he settled for the post of EU High Representative for Baroness Ashton of Upholland.

The Business Secretary and other ministers believed that one of the EU’s three big financial jobs — running the internal market and financial services, competition or trade — would have served Britain’s interests better than putting such an inexperienced figure into the foreign affairs role.

Instead Mr Brown allowed himself to be persuaded — bounced according to some EU sources — into accepting the foreign affairs job by a combination of Europe’s Socialist leaders and José Manuel Barroso, the President of the European Commission.

There were also claims that, in exchange, Mr Brown did a deal with President Sarkozy to give the internal market portfolio to the French, sparking criticism from the Conservatives.

Reading between the lines here, this looks like a broadside from Mandelsnake over the bow of the "good" ship Brown: he is saying that he would not have done things that way, so that when it all goes tits up, he can point a finger at the bogey-muncher. I reckon he'll pull the plug from his support of the Gorgon if the snot-gobblin' king does one more stupid thing.

With a bit of luck, it will all go bang just before the election.

Update: I'm not as dumb as I look.

Is it just me?

I watched the suave, urbane Lord Mandelsnake of Fondlebum of Boy delivering his rather fumbling attack on the Bullingdon Boys.

And I wondered if there was any self-awareness on the part of this highly-educated, polished, entitled member of the political classes. Here is someone who is, to all intents and purposes, a member of something even more iniquitous than hereditary nobility, a fucking weapons-grade sleazebag who clearly knows where all the bodies are buried, but all concealed an impeccable facade of unctuous manners and breeding. He is the son and grandson of nobility within the political class, to all intents entirely uindistinguishable* from a Bullingdon Boy.

And yet he has the astonishing temerity to bang on about other members of the political class, just because their ties are blue, rather than red.

It's all just a little game to these overly-entitled fucks, isn't it?

*Oops.

Quote of the hemi-demi-picosecond

They were crying out for relief, and it's been so long since they were pleasured by a seasoned professional.

Wat Tyler goes places I didn't want to think about, including his holiday jobs.

Creating a Marr-tyr

Well, here's a thing. Seems like everyone in the Labour Party is weighing in against the gangly-armed ginger fuckwit, and that for a ludicrously soft-ball question. A question that all these sanctimonious Labour cunt weasels were quite happy to see used against Call Me Dave. Indeed, that über-hypocrite and smoker of Labour's pole, Kevin Maguire was quite vociferous in banging on about Dave's recreational habits a decade ago.

That is nothing compared with the acting Prime Minister's possible dependency on horse pills that are so dangerous that they're only wheeled for the seriously unwell. I mean, seriously, this guy has access to one of those nasty big red buttons.

So suddenly the ultra-Labourite Marr is a martyr, being sacrificed on the altar of contumely. But the cynic in me wonders if this isn't all some carefully stage-managed shenanigans to deflect attention away from Gordon actually being on pills and onto someone daring to ask the question. The heat generated by this rather innocuous question makes me wonder though.

I do genuinely think Gordon is insane, living in a parallel universe. But to be honest, I think the same can be said of ANY politician in the Wastemonster bubble. And they do live in a fucking parallel universe, one where no action ever has any negative consequence. They are immune from the constraints they place upon on us. So they're all perfectly right to be insane by our standards. And Gordon does have some interesting character attributes that make me think he may not be bolted together as tightly as everyone else. But I didn't think Gordon really was insane, in the wibble-finger, rolling-eye, baying at the moon, horse pills sense.

Now, however ... I'm not so sure any more.

Update: Oh dear, this is going to upset my fellow blazer wearers at the Cuntry Club: Anna Raccoon agrees.

Oh dear

Shamelessly nicked from the b3tards.

Mandy reverts to type

While filled with loathing for the Ponce of Darkness, I think that as "Business Secretary" or whatever he was, he was a lot less dangerous than most Labour fuckwits. But now he's branching out of an area he knows, and he's come up with a cracking idea:

And now Mandy has apparently decided that university applicants from poor families should be given a two-grade "head start" to help them secure a place. A two grade head start for students who may very well then stuggle with their uni course... unless that too is dumbed down.

Well, I say "cracking idea", I actually mean "what the fuck, you dozy cunt, that ranks up there in the outer stratosphere for fucking weapons-grade moronic imbecility".

What has happened to the apparently sensible Mandy? He can't seriously believe this tosh, can he?

Things I never thought I'd read!

Not just any old Labour minister either:

It's not the government's money, it's the taxpayer's.

Whatever next?????????????

Tip of the clown wig to Mark Wadsworth.

Hissy fit

Ooh, ducky!

Lord Mandelson, the UK Business Secretary, has launched a no-holds barred attack during a trip to the United States on Starbucks boss Howard Schultz over the British economy.

Mr Schultz, chief executive of troubled coffee store giant Starbucks, had earlier told television business network CNBC, that "the concern for us is Western Europe and specifically the UK. The UK is in a spiral".

The UK's Business Secretary, who was on a one-day trip to New York, then added: "How the hell are they doing?" The remark was a clear reference to the recent economic troubles of Starbucks, which has announced the closure of nearly 1,000 unprofitable stores in recent months.

Oh dear, Lord Mandelsnake of Sleazypool and Hoy in the Cunty of Herefordshire, I think you'll find that Starbucks in the UK are taking a beating because of the Gorgon's economic competence, and as such, your government's to blame for that. So I think Howie is quite entitled to be shitting himself about your ineptitude.

Asked later about the comments, a clearly furious Lord Mandelson responded to the Telegraph: "Why should I have that guy running down the country?

Because he's right, you cretin.

Who the ---- is he?"

He's someone who's managed to create a world-wide brand out of a single coffee shop and has had a real job that didn't depend on the schmoozing of Russian oligarchs or corrupt mortgage dealings.

Wedged Panties, earlier

Update: Ambush Predator agrees.

Update 2: The Daily Mash on the money, as ever!.

Nuremberg show trials?

Fuck's sake, what is this?

The bankers who led Royal Bank of Scotland and HBOS to the brink of collapse will offer a public apology today.

But amid the furore over bankers’ bonuses, they will also seek to point out that they have personally been “punished for failure”, losing millions of pounds because of the meltdown in their banks’ share prices.

Sir Fred Goodwin and Sir Tom McKillop, respectively the former chief executive and chairman of RBS, will express their regrets at a meeting of the Treasury Select Committee. Their expressions of remorse will be echoed by Andy Hornby, the former chief executive of HBOS. and Lord Stevenson of Coddenham, its former chairman.

Jesus wept, what the fuck is that all about then? Since when did fucking any private business have to publicly apologise to politicians for shit? Or is this just a bit of face saving for the government so that we can all turn a blind eye to huge bonus payouts in the near future?

I am even more incoherent than usual with rage. And why oh why oh fucking tittywank why do we have to fuck go through the actual apologies when they've already been leaked for the fucking sake of fucking fuck. It now no longer matters what the cunts actually say to the MPs because the leak has been made and the headlines gathered.

I see the scaly claw of Mandelsnake all over this shit.

Quote of the femto-second

It really is so dishonest, so party political and so contrary to the responsibilities of the government for the UK as a whole that I can only hope it backfires.

On the money as usual.

What I don't understand about the lending bailout

I see here that Lord Mandelsnake of Cuntlepool and Fey in the Cunty of Hertfordshire is trying arrange better credit for small businesses ... on the taxpayer, of course:

On the day the British Chamber of Commerce described economic figures for the fourth quarter as "truly awful... unprecedented... no positive features", Lord Mandelson's Department for Business, Enterprise and Regulatory Reform was busy leaking plans for a £20bn guarantee for small business loans in another attempt to free up credit for businesses.

We're sure the original bank bailout was supposed to guarantee just that kind of lending, but hey, we're not highly-paid economists.

Indeed.

But what Lord Mandelsnake of etc., etc. really needs to be sharing with small businesses is how he managed* to buy such a nice place on such a minging salary. Because that's pure gold, that is, whatever he's done.

Update: Gweeds has more. Heh! Heh!

* Tip of the old clown wig to Guido.

These guys are good!

Once again, right on the mark:

Mr Mandelson stressed the government could not simply write a blank cheque for businesses that did not employ large numbers of Labour voters in key marginal seats.

Hat tip to the fishy one.