Saturday, 31 January 2009

Holy FUCK!

I swear to God, I am not making this up:

Chris Cowin has won our first "commenter of the week" prize (a bottle of House of Commons champagne) for this insightful metaphor. Well done, Chris!

"Gordon Brown can be compared to the driver of a bus which has been travelling a rough and bumpy road. On taking the wheel, he promises the passengers that from now on the road will be smooth and there will be no more "Boom and Bust". He drives carefully along a fine new highway and all is well. But then a storm breaks out and the bus is buffeted from side to side. The passenger s at the back complain loudly that they were misled, that it is just as uncomfortable as before - but Gordon must not waste time arguing with them. He has to concentrate on driving the bus."

This is apparently so fucking good that it merits a bottle of Pol Roger from Labour Party coffers.

Update: the source of this appalling Brown-nosing.


Paul Pinfield said...

Not quite Obo. Dolly is offering some chavy 'House of Commons' fizz.

I offered to write some simpering shite in return for of bottle of Pol Roger.

However, Holy Fuck indeed. The winning comment was pretty 'right on'. Perhaps fake champagne is the only way they can get positive comments?

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Paul, do you really think our masters would indulge in anything "chavvy"?

Van Helsing said...

He missed out the bit where he drives us over a cliff.
Champagne socialists, what do you expect.

The Penguin said...

Golden brown texture like glass
Lays me down fucks me up the arse
Throughout the night
No chance to fight
Never a frown from golden brown

Every time just like the last
On his ship tied to the mast
To distant lands
Takes both my hands
Never a frown from golden brown

Golden brown swallow it down
Dont let him know you think he's a clown
Then you can spit
Mandelson's shit
Never a frown from golden brown

Never a frown
From golden brown
Never a frown
From golden brown

The Penguin.

Mark Wadsworth said...

That is hilariously bad, with just the right mix of fawning sycophancy and all round cluelessness.

Ross said...

A better analogy would be that after the previous owners had spent years working on their bus to nurse it back into good working order Gordon Brown car jacked it, convinced himself that he was responsible for the bus's state and then proceeded to overload the bus with tons of crap so that it started to break down again, and now he's conviced that he's the only one who can fix it.

Anonymous said...

Can't wait for the sequel.
What I did on my holidays.

Paul Pinfield said...

Obnoxio The Clown said...
"Paul, do you really think our masters would indulge in anything "chavvy"?"

They are chaved to the core...

Paul Pinfield said...

I would personally like to thank Gordon Brown for all things throughout history and in every dimension.

I know he will by my side as he guides me round Marks & Spencer, operates the checkout and carries my bags to the car.

He truly is the Master of the Universe... Oh, wasn't that his (b)wanker friends?

Bill d'Sarse said...

I'm just amazed that this cnut is happy to be a passenger to a one-eyed bus driver with no professional driving qualifications.

Curly said...

Think himself lucky that he's still got the fucking bus, the loan company will be calling the debts in shortly, and I suppose it was an American company that screwed the finance onthe fucking road too, it ended up being built by Poles!

Anonymous said...

The bus driver metaphor is a good one, but the sense and direction are wrong. Hitherto, the bus had been travelling on a motorway, rather than a 'rough and bumpy road'.

For whatever reason, the driver missed the 'end of motorway' signs a few miles back, ploughed straight over the 'temporary' roundabout and into a rocky field on the path of the projected motorway.

The motorway exists only in the driver's mind - and he is utterly convinced he's on a shiny new motorway. The tyres of the bus are shredded but the driver insists they just need a bit of air - again and again.

Perhaps because they are afraid of being exposed as fare-dodgers, most of the passengers remain silent. Only a few passengers near the back of the bus speak up - only to be told to shut up by the ticket inspectors.

It's time for someone to humour the driver - tell him to pull over at that nice service station 'over there' - surely he's bursting for a pee?

Then he is confronted with the truth - there is no service station, there is no motorway, he's a deluded cretin,the bus is completely screwed - a write off. The fare-dodgers will moan and demand a taxi as their right and will die of exposure in the field. The fare-paying passengers will walk back to the roundabout where the motorway ended and set about building the motorway and live happily ever after.

Cato said...

That must surely have been written with tongue firmly embedded in cheek.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

@Cato: tongue firmly in arse, I think!

Idle Pen Pusher said...

This really is incredible!

A more accurate analogy would be if the bus driver had said "there will be no more bad weather".

And then drove to Manchester.

Trixy said...

Fizz bottles are quite tough: maybe it's a punishment bottle.

'whack' you should have done better in economics classes. etc

Anonymous said...

makes me think of the scene at the end of the Italian Job

Wat Dabney said...

The analogy certainly seems to omit the part where Brown steals your wallet as you get off the bus.

Then fucks you up the arse.

Jim Jones Guyana(decsd) said...

Its just the bloody Tory social benefit scroungers in the back who failed to pay the fare who are whining.
The good hard working families in the front are very happy with the driver; so they told me

Not a sheep said...

Indeed Gordon Brown could be compared to the driver of a bus: a bus that has had very expensive new seats, air-conditioning and a 7-channel surround system fitted; all paid for on credit and without having the engine serviced or the tyres kept at the right pressure.
Now the bus has a couple of punctures and is in need of careful maintenance but Gordon Brown won't pull over for a garage to take a look instead he is trying to fix a puncture by coating the tyres in used £50 notes whilst putting the accelerator pedal hard down so as to avoid any more nails in the road.

Chalcedon said...

Why doesn't the bastard stop the bus, put some snow tyres on, switch on his GPS and take some action to get the fucking bus out of the shit? Oh wait, he doesn't know how to. No-one does. Davos communique. Personally I'd rather have Davros. At least he believed in decisive action.

Extermination all round.

Anonymous said...

Paul Pinfield: "... and carries my bags to the car."

Get with the program Paul, no bags - bad for the environment.