"How's about this? As an adult, I think a reasonable daily limit is me drinking as much as I fucking want.
"If it affects my work I'll get sacked. If it affects my relationships I'll be all lonely and sad.
"And as for my health, following a quick glance at my tax bill I've decided that the NHS will treat me and the government can keep its fucking opinions to itself."
Hear, fucking hear!
7 comments:
Like The Onion, you can read stories from the Mash and only be half aware that they are parody.
It's superb writing, and I hope that their franchise expands to be as big as the Onion one day.
I have a hangover, BTW. But it's Sunday, so I am going for a few with the boys before having a bottle of red with my lady friend.
How was your perve?
@Pengy: very! :o)
I only found the Daily Mash yesterday through a commentator at the Devil's place. Some absolutely spot on stories that I'm not sure are actually parody.
"It seems to me that they may have confused a safe daily limit with what I like to call 'lunch'."
Shithot!
Too right!
I'm 37 and have regularly overshot the government's safe drinking levels every weekend for nearly twenty years.
And yet not only am I still alive, I actually feel pretty fine.
I must be some kind of superman, then. That's the only explanation I can think of for me being able to drink ten pints of lager in a single session, and STILL not wake up to a skinny bloke wearing a black robe and carrying a scythe intoning something like "THIS IS YOUR TIME, FARRINGTON. WOOOOOOH!".
So if I put my underwear on over my trousers but then find that I can't fly, can I claim compensation from the government for them giving me unrealistic expectations?
After all, I have feelings, and hurt feelings are everything, you know.
Daily Mash has been a daily Puddlecote read for about a year now.
Quality writing of the highest order. If only an elected representative could cut through the shit as succinctly ... in fact, if only an elected representative could cut through the shit, full stop.
Government "Health advisors".
Fucking joyless abstemious proscriptive CUNTS. All of them.
Check this:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/food_and_drink/article2697975.ece
"Guidelines on safe alcohol consumption limits that have shaped health policy in Britain for 20 years were “plucked out of the air” as an “intelligent guess”.
The Times reveals today that the recommended weekly drinking limits of 21 units of alcohol for men and 14 for women, first introduced in 1987 and still in use today, had no firm scientific basis whatsoever. "
It goes on to state that you'd need to drink 63 units just to raise your risk of death back to that of a teetoaller.
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