I went out for dinner tonight, nice little bistro down the high street. Nothing fancy, simple tasty food. It was quite busy, so I was close to the kitchen in a little alcove with two other tables, one of which was empty. But that was fine, because the two women at the other table
WERE MAKING ENOUGH FUCKING NOISE TO FILL UP THE ENTIRE FUCKING RESTAURANT WITH THEIR VACUOUS, FLATULENT WITTERING!!!!
Listen, you fucking spacktards, nobody gives a flying fuck about the worthless drivel that constitutes your miserable, bitchy, retarded fucking lives. And we certainly don't want to hear your vacuous opinion about "Mark in accounts" or "that ginger one with the pretty wife."
AND WE SURE AS FUCK DO NOT NEED TO HEAR ABOUT THEM AT A VOLUME THAT WOULD DROWN OUT THE CONCORDE TAKING OFF, YOU FUCKING CROSS-EYED COCKSUCKERS!!!
I now have a blinding headache and my fucking ears are ringing. I hope the pair of you die painfully in a fucking car crash, you annoying, insulting, offensive, rude, wittering CUNTS!!
18 comments:
Was the food any good?
The food was excellent: simple, full of flavour and just the right size portions.
Thank you for asking! :o)
That's good then. At least it didn't taste like my lunch. Jaffa cakes a la Salmon sandwich. Not good. Reminded me of a girl I once knew....
So you had a good time then?
In need of servicing, no doubt.
Commiserations!
The problem is that until someone actually tells them to shut the fuck up they will carry on regardless.
You could always work some of what you've heard into your conversation, and then when they realise and complain about being overheard (which they probably will) you have the perfect opportunity to point out how difficult it is to avoid hearing them....
Easy.
Go over to their table and say...
"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU POINTLESS OLD HAGS, YOU ARE DESTROYING MY EVENING OUT"
In a gentle and quietly coercive manner, of course.
This is nothing to the annoyance I have thrust upon me daily when women insist on:
a) standing in a doorway chatting.
b) chatting in the supermarket, trolly blocking the entire isle.
FFS women, get your act together.
One way to deal with this is to call a carefully chosen friend on your mobile and describe the offending ladies to him / her in some detail (blue and green dresses, table sitting at by the window, etc). Then get him to call the restaurant and ask whoever answers to speak to one of the ladies (he can say he has an urgent message, or something). If / when they come to the phone, your friend should then unleash a withering tirade of invective (similar to that in your post) and hang up. It normally does the trick.
Obo? Calling someone else rude?
Now that's special!
XD
At least you weren't in Wales.
I feel for you, this actually happened to me a few months ago. Imagine my surprise when the long suffering husband of one of the women indulging in the harpy-esque shrieking (head in his hands in the corner) was actually my boss! I never looked at him in quite the same way again...
the way you write is so rude, disgusting, vulgar, abnoxious,offensive..........but so funny and I looooooooovvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it!!!
signed:
A bit of a fan of your blog x
Obo
Although not seeking to minimise your distress, perhaps you'd care to join me on the 102 from Brent Cross to Muswell Hill, any time in the late afternoon rush hour. Not only will you be able to listen to vibrant and diverse fellow-passengers screaming into their phones in Tagalog, Polish, Portugese, Urdu, Swahili and (occasionally) English, you'll be able to experience the stench emanating from their purchases at Macdonalds, Pizza Hut, KFC or the chippie on Muswell Hill Broadway. If you're really lucky you'll be able to avoid the grease-soaked paper/packages from those refreshments left on the seats as the consumers (still yelling down the phone line) alight. In comparison, your bistro meal sounds like heaven.
Sorry Umbongo, but if you do it regularly I can only class it as a self-inflicted injury. :o)
Go on, juyst say what you think :-)
Good point!! OTOH if I didn't use the bus fairly regularly I'd miss the chance of travelling with the many spitting images of this princess
Umbongo - I also travel a lot by bus (back and fore to work) and see plenty of the 'princess' you mention.
I also see plenty of this kind of couple:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1203124/Pregnant-mother-13-babies-taken-care.html
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