Wednesday, 2 September 2009

From the vaults (an occasional series) - Disabled Parking

Ah Jesus cunting fuck shit cunt!!

What the cunting fuck is this nation coming to? There are so many cockwiping cars sporting special disability parking permits, they are fucking outnumbering the number of people who actually pay to park somewhere. I was utterly gobfucked today, went for a coffee, and squeezed into what was left of the only vacant parking bay, because some dipshit cow fucker had parked neatly across two fucking bays, the arse-sucking fucktard.

When I walked past the cunting car on my way to St. Arbucks, I noticed that he had a "disabled" parking permit in his windscreen. And the guy behind him. And two cars further back. And the next one. And two cars further back. And so on. Out of about 20 bays on the street, more than half of them were occupied by cars driven by or otherwise hauling disabled drivers. And then there were the double yellow lines, where, if I'm not mistaken, you are not allowed to park. Unless of course, you have a cunting disabled parking permit.

So an entire street is blocked by crippled cockmunchers who can't be arsed park in a bay or park somewhere legally. Or is it?

Because invariably, every time I see anyone get into or out of a car with a cripple permit, they are healthier and more spritely than I. I've never even seen one of the cunts use a walking stick, let alone a fucking wheelchair or anything serious.

Which cocktard council fuckwit dreamed this little scat-filled fantasy up then?

Why the cunting fuck are these thieving cock munchers (who are probably fucking dole scroungers as well) allowed to ride roughshod over the parking regulations just because their second cousin's third uncle has a fucking gammy leg, ARGH FUCKING CUNTING COCKSUCKING SHITSTABBING ARSEHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CUNTS!!!!!!!

Originally posted here.


Lord Lindley said...

Apparantly you get an automatic disabled sticker if you voted Labour or Green!

Harri the suspicous said...

Not to mention the inevitable dent/ding which appears to be fucking mandatory in your door upon returning to your car/penis extension in a supermarkets car park!

Paying a kings ransom for a weekly shop is one thing ! then having the indignity of 'assessing' the cost of calling out some bastard firm with the name of something like 'We make dents disappear' like Paul fucking Daniels... is a whole new world of hurt?

Now, i have been accused of being an out and out conspiracy theorist, but i am fucking convinced that the likes of Tescos and Sainsburys have purchased all the fucking Franchises available for every bastard ' Dings R us ' company going ?

What was the question again ?

Anonymous said...

I am forwarding your blasphemous filth to my good pal Rowan Williams (Cantuar). You omit to mention the unique sacrifice at Calvary. No doubt you have Jewish & Muslim acquaintances.

Captain Swing said...

What about those fucking stupid little crip scooters that seem to have healing powers akin to Jesus.
Many times I have seen crips whirring around on one of these things only to see them jump off when they reach their destination.
As far as crip parking goes I must admit that if I cant find a suitable parent and child space I park in the disabled parking bays(much to my wifes disgust).What I think is funny is all the crips parking at the DIY store.If you are too disabled to walk a few feet how the fuck are you going to carry a back of cement or similar.

Captain Swing said...

whoops-bag of cement even.

Anonymous said...

The parking at the para-olympics must be a fucking nightmare.

Harri the 'slighty but not really disabled said...

Can one actually 'obtain' a disabled badge for being a 'window licker' !

Or, do i have to keep limping around the aisles, whilst being basicaly as " fit as a fucking fiddle" just to save my otherwise muscle bound legs the bother of having to walk the extra twenty fucking paces from the ' normal peoples ' parking spaces !

Oh, the fucking horror of it all ! not too mention the effort and the shame of it all ?

Complete and utter thoughtless bastards !

Anonymous said...

Well the most outrageous one I saw was on an MG Midget. The occupant unfolded herself from the drivers seat, stepped up into her 6" stilettos and with her ultra long nails put a disabled sticker onto the dashboard! I drive an MG myself but no way is a woman in high heels "disabled" in the conventional sense of the term. As for the beached whales on electric carriages, just eat less, a lot less! I mean some of them are capable of causing light to bend about them as they move their blubber about.

Dr Evadne said...

Someone we used to know got disability benefits because he had a deformity of the oesophagus (gullet). In his spare time he was a tennis coach. No, I am not mucking about.

I expect if we all look carefully enough we can find some part of our anatomy that looks different to that in the O level biology text book.

The Paragnostic said...

Captain Swing - I do hope you haven't got your fucking kids with you when you use a 'parent and child' parking space.

It's an act of faith to me to use those spaces wherever possible, 'cause I don't want the already unpleasant experience of supermarket shopping to be made even worse by other people's ill disciplined little bastards.

I don't use disabled spots though - having a disabled stepson and a wife that was seriously disabled before she died, I can see the need for certain people to park near the shop, and have been known to react violently to cheeky fuckers that abuse the disabled spaces.

Call me Infidel said...

They should bring back an updated version of those pale blue three wheeler carts. That would dissuade the vast majority from obtaining a disabled sticker.

John Demetriou said...

This is brilliant. And so fucking true.

Barking Spider said...

Those are the kind of people who get those who really need the badge a bad name.

Anonymous said...

Cripple cunt. Get a walking stick.

Anonymous said...

A cordless drill and some pop-rivets can ruin their day with minimal effort, by the way ;-)