Police State Klaxon

The Met Police have, quite frankly, excelled themselves here:

The Metropolitan Police has asked groups planning to demonstrate during or in advance of Margaret Thatcher's funeral to make themselves known to officers so that their "right to protest can be upheld".

I'm sorry, what?

What fucking shit is this? Why the fuck would the police need to know who wants to protest so that they can "uphold" their right to protest? See that fucker over there protesting? Uphold his right. Jesus.

The next thing you know, people will have to apply to the police for permission to protest. Oh, hang on.

Look, Thatcher was a flawed politician, any politician is flawed. I also remain unconvinced that her "achievements", good or bad, were down to her alone. Unlike Blair, she still believed in having a cabinet where relevant ministers made their own decisions. That the mines closed down and industry was gutted was much more down to the unions having no business sense and believing they could leech indefinitely more and more off a failing, sickly host. So I'm not convinced that her veneration by the right is justified.

I can understand the hatred of the left, however, because it's much easier and more desirable to blame someone external for your own complete, abject failure than to look at yourself and say: "We fucked up." The petulant, pouty lip of people who weren't fucking born or were still in nappies when Thatcher was ejected from power is ludicrous, but typical of the whingeing lack of responsibility of communitarian, authoritarian leftards.

But having said all that, if people want to protest her, they should be free to do so and the police's burgeoning contempt for the Peelian principle of policing by consent needs to be slapped down very soon.

The Lesson of Hillsborough

As might well be expected, the official report into the Hillsborough disaster has revealed the South Yorkshire Police to be massively corrupt and engaged in a massive coverup.

As might well be expected, the twitterati are fulminating with wrath, spouting with calls for heads on pikes and all the usual shit. Especially lefties.

As might well be expected, these exact same people will then be the ones telling me that civilisation cannot exist without the state and is minions and that the police have to be funded from tax extortion to protect us all fully.

The lesson of Hillsborough is not what you might expect.

The lesson of Hillsborough is that even after being clubbed in the face with clear proof that the state is not to be trusted, people will still defer to the state and tell me that I'm the crazy one for wanting to do things differently.

I concur

They can just fuck right off.

Smell the smugness...

The nation that gave the world Tiananmen Square expresses its approval of Call Me Dave's views on the internet.

I feel unclean.

@LouiseMensch is a fucking idiot

I had an argument with a fellow twatterer about his MP. He said she was one of the good guys and wouldn't hear a bad word about her.

I, on the other hand, explicitly distrust anyone who goes into politics as being someone who thinks they know better than anyone else how we should live our lives. And if you climb the greasy pole far enough to actually become an MP, then you must be a mendacious, bullying cunt of the highest order.

And so it came to pass. First we had:

Northamptonshire Police advise me that much of their time and resources were wasted answering false alarms due to soc media rumours.

Then:

Twitter regularly down for maintenance, and if in a major national emergency police think Twitter and FB should take an hour off? So be it

(Firstly, Twitter doesn't fucking regularly go down for maintenance, you daft bint, it's a 24x7 operation that isn't supposed to go down AT ALL. Likewise Facebook.

Secondly, the only way you can stop access to Facebook and Twitter is to completely disable access to all websites. I'm not even sure this is technically possible. It would certainly destroy every online business in the UK.

Still think it's a good idea?)

Then:

I don't have a problem with a brief temporary shutdown of social media just as I don't have a problem with a brief road or rail closure.

See above.

Then:

If short, necessary and only used in an emergency, so what. We'd all survive if Twitter shut down for a short while during major riots.

How often are you expecting major riots, Louise? Are you privy to some information that us plebs aren't entitled to?

Anyway, there more stupid tweets about maintenance and stuff, and then we get this gem:

And really, stop w/ all the dramatics. Nobody is talking about "shutting down Twitter". It's about listening to police & a couple hours off.

So here we have it: one of the "good guys" in politics thinks it's absolutely fine that the police (the fucking POLICE!) should have the power to shut down everybody in the UK's access to social networking because of a few miscreants that they can't handle. Never mind that in doing so they'd have to cut everybody in the UK off from the web completely. Never mind that it would lay waste to every online business in the UK at the same time.

If that's what a "good" politician thinks, can you imagine what the rest of them think?

It's so true, scratch a politician, any politician and you'll find a closet fascist.

Terrifying!

Update: It seems like this is not the truth any more. However, the actual truth is hard to ascertain, because the Home Office website says it's seven days, while Damian Green says it's fourteen.

So much for a quick blog then.

Thoughts on #Assange

I've been watching this with the detachment that's come from not actively blogging and I'm quite disturbed by what I've seen.

Assange got his hands on some documents that showed how "the world's policeman" (and what an apt description that is!) is behaving in the name of its citizens. The reaction from corporates and governments has been depressing but unsurprising. Amazon, PayPal and MasterCard have cut off any way for Wikileaks to get money. Even the supposedly incorruptible and impartial Swiss have frozen his assets. Assange has been targeted by ludicrous rape charges by the Swedish government, which were on, then off, then on again. Apparently, the Library of Congress is now blocking Wikileaks. Anybody who ever wrote for Wikileaks has had their journalistic credentials revoked.

Needless to say, the British government and police are eager to do their bit to get this annoying man behind bars.

All this from making publicly available information that was already open to access by 2.5 million people, allegedly. Information that was not even classified as particularly sensitive. All it did was shine a bit of a light on what governments do in our name, in the hypocrisy of publicly telling us wars can be won while privately believing they cannot among other, more trivial things.

Depressingly but equally predictably, statists from all sides of the political spectrum have been casting aspersions on Assange and his motivations. To them, the fact that governments have been lying to us about their beliefs in dragging us into wars, using our money on things even they consider fruitless, isn't as important or worrying as the fact that someone exposed them.

It's very, very clear to me that Assange is being vigorously and thoroughly hung out to dry pour encourager les autres, to make sure that anyone who is thinking about rocking the boat of the state is thoroughly discouraged. It's a very depressing state of affairs that the first man to seriously constructively and effectively challenge the state's ethics via the internet is being so thoroughly slapped down.

The problem for the state is that you can't recan these worms. A small corner has been lifted. Some people have seen what is being done in their name and now have their doubts. I'm sure that the comprehensive attack on Assange will also inspire some people to become martyrs in order to continue the fight. And finally, Wikileaks as it stands, is fighting back with hundreds of mirrors around the globe. I don't think that states are actually going to be able to shut it down completely and this heavy-handed action will eventually raise more questions than the leaks themselves.

The only way for the state to survive at all is going to be to realise that they have to accept the transparency they seem to feel they are entitled to demand of us. With a bit of luck, this whole fiasco will be the start of a rebalancing of the relationship between the state and the individual.

I think it's too much to hope that it will be the start of the end of the state, though.

#mehgate (for @jackofkent )

Well known campaigner Jerk Off Cunt has once again got his panties in a wedge. This time it's about possible collusion between the Met Police and the News of the Screws.

I'm baffled as to how someone who is actually in the legal profession can be surprised to hear of potential collusion by the police and the media, especially the fucking Screws, for fuck's sake. I'm sure there's been mutual back scratching going on there since forever.

And I also have no doubt at all that the Screws has had dirt on senior people in all walks of life (including rozzers) since forever as well.

As much as I have called for the police to be disbanded and started up again on Peelian principles (if we must have a state-controlled police force at all, obviously), I find it hard to get excited by new evidence or potential evidence of police corruption. The police have strayed so far from the idea of consensual policing that they are almost entirely unfit for purpose.

Why was Jerk Off Cunt not incensed and calling for heads to roll when the police was blatantly colluding with the government in the (Ian) Blair years? Why was he not hosting smug attack posts from blatantly biased Tory attack dogs then? Could it possibly be because he believes that government is good and it's not a problem that a politicised police force colludes with the government of the day?

Why is he not moaning about the fact that a private company called ACPO has increasing influence in our political process, a private company that is completely opaque and unaccountable?

Really, when faced with accusations that there would be collusion between powerful individuals in the media and other powerful individuals in the police, or collusions between power individuals in the government or powerful individuals in the police, my only surprise is that you're surprised. Large, powerful, largely unaccountable organisations performing shady deals in dark, non-smoking rooms is hardly a bloody surprise, now is it?

And let's face it, you are doing Labour a huge favour in hosting sanctimonious blog posts from political attack dogs who have a huge interest in attacking the people alleged to be involved. The Graun is obviously delighted to have a means to self-righteously attack their competition and they don't really care if it's true. In reality, they were probably just as happy to "share a narrative" with a lefty tosser like Ian Blair, even assuming they weren't actively colluding.

I'm not defending Coulson, when the allegations surfaced last time around, I thought that if Cameron didn't sack him there and then, he would turn into a major liability. But then iDave is clearly blessed with the same amount of nous as his predecessor, which is why I'll be shedding exactly no tears at all if this takes down the coalition.

So yeah, I'd be astonished if the allegations weren't true and if this hadn't been going on since before I was born. What I can't understand is why you're getting all uppity about this now and why you can't see the obvious self-interest of the people you have arrayed on your side in this case.

I have a Peroni here with your name on it if this doesn't wind up with, at best, a couple of low-ranking heads rolling, maybe a whitewash inquiry. And Tom Watson and the piemuncher forgetting your name as soon as the next attack vehicle comes along. Unless they can use you as a platform for that, of course.

A more honest liberal would be calling for major reform of the police because of their increasing influence in the political process, which is far more worrying than the fact that the papers know where some of the bodies are buried.

In essence, all I can say to this hullabaloo is: "Meh."

Look you fucking cunts ...

... it simply isn't that fucking difficult!

Carmen Valino had images deleted from her camera by police and was threatened with arrest whilst photographing the scene of a shooting in Hackney, East London. The incident happened on Saturday as Valino photographed the crime scene from outside a police cordon whilst on assignment from the Hackney Gazette. She had identified herself as a journalist and showed her UK Press Card to police.

Jesus H. Fucking CHRIST man! Not just taking photos in a public place, but a fucking accredited journalist.

What the cunting fuck is wrong with the fucking Met???

Here are the ACPO guidelines:

Members of the media have a duty to take photographs and film incidents and we have no legal power or moral responsibility to prevent or restrict what they record. It is a matter for their editors to control what is published or broadcast, not the police. Once images are recorded, we have no power to delete or confiscate them without a court order, even if we think they contain damaging or useful evidence.

That is pretty fucking clear to me.

The only possible reason why police don't pay any heed to this is because they know full fucking well that the top brass don't particularly care about it.

Too close to the truth to be funny

As if by magic

*snigger*

So much for localism.

I cannot add anything to this ...

... without doing myself a serious damage.

A small prediction

Remember my oft-repeated refrain that regulation mainly benefits the incumbent? Since there isn't competition as such for ANPR data, there is no incumbency to protect. But watch and see how little this "regulation" benefits us, and watch how some future government twists it around so that it gets used for more spying.

Tories get it wrong again

Fucking cunts:

The home secretary, Theresa May, has ordered that a national police camera network that logs more than 10m movements of motorists every day be placed under statutory regulation.

Her decision means that a "Big Brother" police database that currently holds a mammoth 7.6bn records of the movement of motorists using more than 4,000 cameras across the country will have to be operated with proper accountability and safeguards.

Each entry on the database includes the numberplate, location, date, time and a photograph of the front of the car, which may include images of the driver and any passengers. These details are routinely held for two years.

No. On what possible grounds are they keeping these records at all, let alone for two years?

Why does the government have to know and keep photos of our movements? What fucking business is it of theirs?

None.

If this shower of shit was a proper Tory government, they'd be shitcanning this egregious fucking intrusion into our lives. Placing it under "regulation" just means that more cunts will be able to snoop on us.

Meet the new fucking cunt, exactly the same as the old fucking cunt.

Loopy bastards

Jeez, whenever I think our police take the piss, along comes a story like this:

Paris Hilton has been arrested in South Africa and released without charge after a friend was seen smoking marijuana during a World Cup match.

Dude, seriously, I think your fucking tie is too tight.

The Cunt Persecution Disservice

We've all heard the stories about these cocksniffers, picking up spurious cases and prosecuting stuff that anybody with half a brain cell could see weren't justified and then equally mysteriously dropping slam-dunk cases ... such as against MPs or pillars of the judicial system. Maybe there's a reason for this curious behaviour:

A corrupt senior Crown prosecutor who pocketed cash to use his position to discontinue a case had spiralling debts of almost £1 million, a jury has heard.

Sarfraz Ibrahim, 51, of Cyncoed, Cardiff, South Wales, admitted corruption and related charges on Monday, on the eve of his trial.

As Gwent Crown Prosecution Service trials unit chief he had the power to stop a case in its tracks by recommending no further action.

He admitted charges of corruption, attempting to pervert the course of justice and misconduct in public office. His pleas mean Ibrahim has admitted pocketing £20,000 to ensure the case of a man he believed to be guilty was discontinued.

Funny that, eh? Might be something to bear in mind next time these fuckers make a curious judgement call.

An open letter to the police in the UK

Look, you fucking cunts, it's quite fucking simple: taking photos is not fucking illegal, no matter how fucking much you cunts think it should be.

We keep having this conversation and yet some or other jumped-up cock-sniffer keeps on trying it on.

Will you please stop making such utter cunts of yourselves, because it tends to make everyone think even more uncharitably of you as self-important, overweening, bullying cunts?

That is all.

Update: Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.

Is Tarantino a paedo pornographer now?

I'm fairly sure Kill Bill has an animated sequence showing a Japanese gang boss indulging in pederasty. And now the Coroners and Justice Act is in force:

Henceforth, you will be committing an offence if you possess non-real, non-photographic images that are pornographic, "grossly offensive, disgusting or otherwise of an obscene character" and focus on a child’s genitals or anal region, or portray a range of sexual acts "with or in the presence of a child".

I have a copy of Kill Bill in my DVD collection. It's been on Sky Movies. Am I breaking the law? Probably.

As I've said before, none of Labour's new laws have anything to do with protecting people or children or any such thing. It's all about creating swathes of new offences that can be used to cow people into a state of perpetual fearfulness about whether or not they might be breaking the law. It used to be simple not to break the law, and this allowed a precedent to be set: ignorance of the law is no excuse.

But as Barrenness Scuntland showed us, even the people who define the laws can't keep on top of them all, with their highly-trained legal minds and all. What chance do the little people have? Do you really know you've made it through the day without breaking some law or contravening some regulation somewhere?

I never do, and I lead a very unremarkable life.

Luckily, we have high hopes that the Tories will sweep to power and do away with all this nannying and bullying and ...

Oh.

Michael Harding, come have a go if you're hard enough. You fucking cunt.

Nicked from 27bslash6.com, which looks like it has been shut down by the rozzers:



Protecting the community from burglars, murderers and blogs

Michael the Police Officer has kindly pointed out to me that it is a criminal offence to solicit money with the intent to purchase drugs and sell them at a profit.

As such, I have amended the previous article accordingly.

I did not mind caving on this request as I find the amended version more amusing than the original.

Also, I actually spent the weekend in jail recently due to unpaid parking fines. Adelaide police are generally a bunch of pricks and when I stated that I was vegetarian, I was given a raw potato to last me the two days. While the hardest part is not being allowed to smoke, declaring that you have a low blood sugar count means they have to bring you cups of coffee or tea when you request them so I requested around a hundred and forty.



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 26 February 2010 8.12pm
To: Michael Harding
Subject: Censorship

Dear Mike,

Thank you for your letter. At no time have I condoned the use of drugs. I simply stated that I wish to purchase and sell them at a profit. I do however understand the importance of censorship. Without an enforced system of guidance from agencies such as yours, people would be forced to exercise their own discretion.

Regards, David.


From: Michael Harding
Date: Saturday 27 February 2010 10.27am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Censorship

David, your obvious disrespect for authority doesn't change the fact that soliciting money for the purpose of purchasing and selling drugs is a criminal offence under South Australian law. I advise you to remove the article and I will check that you have done so by 5pm tomorrow.

Yours sincerely, Michael Harding


From: David Thorne
Date: Saturday 27 February 2010 10.44am
To: Michael Harding
Subject:Re: Re: Censorship

Dear Michael,

Despite your assumption, I have the highest amount of respect for authority. I actually wanted to become a police officer but failed the IQ test when I arrived on time at the correct building.

While not exactly a police officer, when I was about eight I desperately wanted to be Tom Selleck from Magnum PI. I painted my Standish Selecta-12 bright red and constructed a moustache by clipping a large amount of hair from the neighbour's cat and gluing it to my upper lip. This is how I discovered my allergy to cat hair. Dragged to my neighbour's house, my apology through lips the size of bananas came out as "Imsryfrctnheroffyrcat iwntdtobemgnumpi." I also wanted to be frozen and thawed out in the 25th century due to Wilma Deering's jumpsuit but despite emptying the refrigerator and sitting in it for over an hour, the only result was mild hypothermia and a belting.

I have been considering sitting the police exam again as protecting the community from burglars, murderers and blogs must be very fulfilling. I am fairly fit due to regularly thinking about jogging and I once performed a jumping jack. It was unintentional and involved a spider on the bath mat but still counts. I am also experienced in self defence and recently built a moat. Sometimes, I dress as a French mime and pretend to walk against a strong wind to the delight of those around me. Everybody loves a mime. This skill would obviously come in quite useful during police stealth operations.

Due to restrictive Australian gun laws, I do not have much experience with weapons but I did construct my own bazooka when I was about ten using a length of pipe, a securely tightened end cap, a golf ball and a three to one ratio of chlorine & brake fluid. While the design was flawless, the resulting broken collar bone from the kickback and two inch hole through two plaster walls then a television set brought a swift end to my foray into ballistic research and development.

Regards, David.


From: Michael Harding
Date: Saturday 27 February 2010 2.09pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

David, this isn't the first time we've received complaints regarding your website. You have until 5pm tomorrow to remove the article and I'll be checking your website regularly. You might not take this seriously but I can assure you that we do.

Yours sincerely, Michael Harding


From: David Thorne
Date: Saturday 27 February 2010 3.18pm
To: Michael Harding
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

Dear Michael,

I do indeed take the matter seriously and will attempt to facilitate your request by 5pm tomorrow despite the fact that I am extremely busy this weekend. I need to bury the two dead backpackers I have in the spare room as the smell is starting to attract suspicion. And wolves. It is a fairly large job as one of the backpackers is American and will therefore require a hole several sizes larger than normal. On the plus side, the other is from England which obviously means no dental records.

I could hire one of those mini bobcat tractors for the day but will probably just let the children out for a game of 'best digger gets food this week'. I am sick of hearing "I want my parents" and "Please don't lock me in the spare room again, it smells funny" but many hands, no matter how small, make light work.

Also, I was watching Crime Stoppers last night and was wondering if you need anyone to play the perpetrators in crime re-enactments? I have several years acting experience convincing co-workers that I am listening and care about their relationship issues or what they did on the weekend while really thinking about robots or what would happen if a car made of diamond drove really fast into a wall made of diamond. I would prefer to play either a black professor or an Asian bus driver.

Regards, David.


From: Michael Harding
Date: Sunday 28 February 2010 10.26am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

I suggest you spend the time deleting the page as you have been requested to do rather than writing about dead backpackers. What is wrong with you?


From: David Thorne
Date: Sunday 28 February 2010 2.02pm
To: Michael Harding
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

Dear Mike,

My apologies for not getting back to you earlier, I was busy torching my vehicle. Did you know that if you report it stolen the insurance company gives you money to buy a new one? I usually do this every eleven months as it saves having to pay for an annual service.

I do not have dead backpackers in the spare room. I was just being silly. There is no space in there due to the hydroponics system, pots and bags of nutrients. I read somewhere that it is ok to have up to three hundred and seventy marijuana plants for personal use. Correct me if I wrong. As I do not have a backyard and the plants take up most of the apartment, I sleep in a hammock stretched between two of the larger trunks. It is like sleeping in a jungle and sometimes I pretend I am a baby monkey. Due to the 24 hour UV lighting, my electricity bill this month is nearly four thousand dollars but I have an awesome tan.

In regards to the website, rather than deleting the article, I will amend it to be about cats. Is this acceptable to you?

Regards, David.


From: Michael Harding
Date: Sunday 28 February 2010 2.31pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

It isn't legal to grow even one plant which I'm sure you already know. Possession of less than 100g or one plant has been decriminalised but still carries a fine. Changing the page to be about cats is fine. I will be checking to see if it has been done by 5pm. I strongly suggest that you do so.


From: David Thorne
Date: Sunday 28 February 2010 4.17pm
To: Michael Harding
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

Dear Mike,

5pm eastern standard time or ours?


Regards, David.
From: Michael Harding
Date: Sunday 28 February 2010 4.41pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

Ours. I've had enough of your nonsense. If the page is not removed or changed within the next 20 minutes I will be filing an order under the e-crimes act of 2006 to have the website shut down.


From: David Thorne
Date: Sunday 28 February 2010 4.59pm
To: Michael Harding
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

Done.

But somehow, David Thorne's website is gone. So I'd like to say a great big "fuck you, fuck you very fucking much" to the cunts in the South Australian police force. It sounds like that's a fucking shit hole you want to give a wide fucking berth to.

And Dave, if you're reading this: Blogger isn't as "pretty" as your website was, but the yanks will tell the Australian police to go fuck themselves with a spoon if they try that shit. Best of British luck to you!

Update: It's cached here.


Update 2: It's back!

Here we FUCKING go again

What the fucking fuck is it with the plastic plod and cameras?

Police questioned an amateur photographer under anti-terrorist legislation and later arrested him, claiming pictures he was taking in a Lancashire town were "suspicious" and constituted "antisocial behaviour".

For fuck's sake!

"Because of the Terrorism Act and everything in the country, we need to get everyone's details who is taking pictures of the town."

I think I'm going to have an embolism, really. "Because of the Terrorism Act and everything in the country"? How did this fucking imbecile get into a position of even being a plastic plod? And which fucking dildo-brained fuckpiece thought that this imbecile would be a useful addition to community policing?

When are the fucking police going to give up with this shit, stop fucking about with "anti-social behaviour" and start fucking paying attention to crime again?

Oh, and can we please shut down the failed experiment that is the PCSO clusterfuck?

Forehead smacking update: Genius:

Maybe the truth of this is that these PCSOs are simply picking fights with people, in order to prove that they are doing something other than just wandering about rather aimlessly and not really earning whatever they are paid. Maybe it's that simple.