"All anarchists should be made to go live in Somalia"

Hur! Hur! Hur!

The only difference between paying for private protection of property rights is that the costs are transparent. The biggest fear of government is that people see how much they pay and how little they get back in return.

All you statist cunts can suck my hairy balls.

With apologies to Simon and Garfunkel

Hello piles, my old friend
You've come to hurt my arse again
Because a swelling softly creeping
Grew big while I was sleeping
And the vein that was swollen in my arse
My poor arse
Hurts from swollen piles

On porcelain seats I cried alone
Arsehole hurts like shitting stones
'Neath the halo of a bathroom lamp
I winced with pain and felt my bottom cramp
When my arse was stabbed by the pain of a swollen vein
That wracked my brain
And hurt the ring of my arse

And then my naked arse was sore
Fucking piles are red and raw
Arsehole hurting with no shitting
Bleeding red with such hurting
Arsehole shitting blood and such despair
And I don't dare
To wipe my sore arse

"Fuck", said I, "I do not know
Why piles like a cancer grow
Hear my prayers that I might wipe you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of arse pain

And the clown, he bowed and prayed
To the porcelain god he made
And his arse flashed out its warning
In the pucker that it was forming
And the pucker said, "The arse of the clown is bleeding on the toilet walls
And toilet rolls"
And he cried from the pain in his arse

Regulation... again

So, regulation is ALWAYS for the protection of the consumer, isn't it? It never benefits the vested interests.

Labour, as ever the party that champions civil liberties (for @lukeakehurst )

Recent comment on twitter, by Labour NEC member, Luke Akehurst:

Dog Control Orders being discussed now - serious issue in Hackney's parks and open spaces

My rather inevitable response to this further encroachment of the state into things that are really not any of its fucking business was:

Oh for *fuck's* sake. What a load of utter cunt!

Luke then asked:

any particular reason for that reaction? "Status dogs" owned by gang members r serious menace in local parks

Dude! Seriously?

do you *really* think a gang is going to pay any fucking attention?

Luke's devastating response:

they will get fined if they ignore it

Right, so a gang member that is quite happy to own an illegal dog and possibly train it to be an attack dog is going to be so fucking terrified of a doggy ASBO and a fine that he's going to turn into a productive member of society instead?

Really?

Are you fucking serious?

These are the same people who collect ASBO's as a badge of honour. They are absolutely unafraid of the ASBO system. Do you not think that perhaps they may regard a doggy ASBO as a badge of honour for their dogs?

Do you really, REALLY think they're going to give a flying fuck about your stupid fucking nanny state horseshit?

Christ. Is there no end to human stupidity?

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

I like Eric Pickles, I really do. He is making life uncomfortable for hundreds of thousands of useless cunty parasites who live off of our wages. But as ever, we see the behaviour of politicians in full flow: do as I say, not as I do.

The Communities Secretary angered green campaigners by upgrading to a gas-guzzling £70,000 Jag from the £20,000 hybrid Toyota Prius used by his Labour predecessor John Hutton.

Official figures show his department blew £277,690 of taxpayers’ cash on chauffeur-driven limos in 10 months.

That is the second highest total in Whitehall, with only Lib Dem Vince Cable’s vast Department for ­Business spending more.

The figures come after it was revealed that Mr Pickles has overseen a £150,000 spending spree by civil servants.

Officials used Visa cards funded by the taxpayer to buy everything from luxury hotel stays and meals to wine and sandwiches.

The sum will embarrass the Cabinet ­heavyweight, who regularly accuses town halls of wasting public money.

Yes, folks, those cost-cutting Tories are not cutting costs that affect the people ordering the cuts. And you just know that if Labour were in charge and having to cut, les grande fromages at the top would be equally immune to any kind of suffering.

We're all in this together. Just some of us are more than others.

Fucking cunts.

Who needs principles when you have tribal politics?

I really didn't know what to make of the Andrew Bridgen sexual assault allegations. I had even less idea of what to make of it when I discovered who he was actually alleged to have assaulted.

I can't claim to know the UK's "most shaggable blogger 2008" personally, but we have chatted online several times and she seems much like any other attractive young woman attracted to the political establishment: intelligent, reasonably sane (apart from the attraction to power, of course!) and quite normal.

So I did not know what to make of the claims and counter claims made by both parties.

I've been mulling it over for a while, and it seems to me that the whole fiasco is the epitome of what is wrong with British politics at the moment.

I am not surprised to see Tory bloggers and papers closing ranks behind Bridgen. And indeed they have.

I read one blog that tried to suggest that this was some sort of plot by UKIP to smear Andrew Bridgen. To which my rebuttal would be: "Who the fuck is Andrew Bridgen?" I'd never heard of him before this, so smearing him has only raised his profile. Plus, if they were trying to smear him, they wouldn't have walked away from the charges.

I was surprised that Labour and the Lib Dems, who are normally so keen to promote women's rights and make such a fuss about sexual harassment did not take the chance to stick the boot into a Tory. I can only assume that neither party is keen to give UKIP any supportive press, for entirely selfish reasons. Presumably, Europhilia trumps alleged sexual harassment of a UKIPper?

Or perhaps the LibDems are not keen to be seen to encourage a party that looks like it's about to overtake them in the polls.

I have no idea what really happened on the night in question, but I think a young and sexually aware woman might have met a bloke who she fancied, toddled back to his place and decided that it wasn't right or maybe he said something that scared her or maybe he wouldn't take no for an answer, whatever the reason, she panicked and ran.

According to the report in the Mirror, she accepted that she might have led him on, and didn't want to press charges at any point. The police went to arrest Bridgen on their own.

The retaliation that has come out of the Tory machine has very clearly been pour encourager les autres. And indeed, I hope that all Labour, Lib Dem and Tory activists and supporters will fondly remember this moment when some other young lady (or young man) gets assaulted or raped by an MP and is too scared to report it after seeing what happened here.

What happened in that flat is for the consciences of Andrew Bridgen and Annabelle Fuller. What happened after that shames just about everybody else.

Blogroll update

The charmless nurk blogs occasionally but amusingly.

When I think about you, I touch myself

Tip of the clown wig to @babelfishwars

For all parents everywhere

It was the cunt wot won it!

Best tweet to Ed Mili's open conversation on Twitter this afternoon - @obotheclown: 'Have you sacked the cunt who had this idea yet?'

-- Sun Politics

Also mentioned in the Spectator

Words fail me

Twitter is full of mongitude today:

I really dislike the Gates-sponsored brand of voluntary philanthropy. Poverty should be fought by mandatory taxation #newsnight

I scarcely know where to begin with this insanity. Voluntarily caring for people is to be discouraged. Only money extorted via the state is sufficiently holy to actually do anything with.

What a massive insult to anyone who gives of their time or money to help the needy. And if the state was that fucking pious, why have they not already solved all these problems despite having even more money than fucking Bill Gates?

Jesus. I wonder if this stupid cunt can actually breathe without Labour Party approval.

Update: The bigger we make a war, the more ethical it becomes.

Dear God!

Steve Jobs spends his days coming up with new ways to enslave consumers to AppleCorps. Bill Gates spends his own money curing kids. #WINdows

Someone who has clearly missed the last 30 years of computing completely.

Ed Miliband signs up to the Big Society

Well, bugger my toe. Mr Bean has only gone and hitched Labour's wagon to David "Forehead" Cameron's Big Society, talking about people helping each other out and taking responsibility for their own lives.

Cue much gnashing of teeth and rending of garments from the left on Twatter as their darling "left-wing" leader showed that he sees which way the electoral wind is blowing and needs to say all sorts of foetid shit to sound electable. Of course, we all know that he'll just piss our money away in the same old, same old Labour way if he ever does come to power, but what a shock to all the huddled bludging masses!

And yet, and yet ... so much of the speech is just load of empty, meaningless soundbites, if it was presented in an episode of The Thick Of It, our toes would all be curling in gleeful embarrassment.

A dollop of meaningless platitude, a healthy shot of socialist democracy, a long list of vacuous cries for someone other than a politician to have some responsibility, wrapped up in a bow of unsubstantiated claims that the other side have nothing to offer.

I tried, I really did try to read it. But I'd get about three paragraphs in and my eyes would glaze over and I'd start thinking about Marmite, or cake, or whether it was time to get a haircut. For someone who claims to disagree with Blair, he certainly uses the same bloodless waffle, even if he can't deliver it as well.

Political discourse in this country is truly fucked. There is no polite way to say it.

Nobody argues for anything any more. Nobody will challenge the orthodoxy. Every speech requires hours of analysis and repositioning because nobody will come out and say what they mean. The speech is delivered with a couple of vague hooks. Spin doctors then look at how the media and the public react and then spin furiously in agreement or denial, depending on whether the response is positive or not.

Nobody dares to actually say anything, lest the Mail or the Graun or Rupert disagrees.

So we have this tepid, anodyne, hair-splitting bullshit instead. And then politicians moan about the lack of "democratic engagement". Hint: how about you fuckers give us something to engage with? Honestly, if you take out Ed's half-arsed "attack" on the Big Society, is there anything in his speech that would sound odd if it were delivered by Cameron or Clegg?

There is no political interest because none of the parties are offering anything dramatically different. The electorate may be stupid, but it's not that stupid that it thinks these people are offering anything different from each other. The coalition government actually shows that the electorate could see that Cameron wasn't offering anything better than Labour was, but that people were just sick of Labour's hectoring politicians. That's why there was such a low turnout and why there was no clear winner.

And I've said over and over that to a libertarian, there is no difference between a social democrat Tory party, a social democrat LibDem party and a social democrat Labour party. The fact that Ed Milipede can spout something indistinguishable from Big Society while rubbishing Big Society just shows that just like Tories can nick Labour policies with impunity, Labour can do the reverse equally easily.

They are all the same.

And we are all fucked.

Thoughts on the "demise" of LPUK

After the furore caused by Anna Raccoon two months ago, it seemed fairly clear to me that LPUK was either dead or severely wounded and unlikely to recover, despite the goodwill and efforts of a number of minarchists and libertarians to steer the ship to calmer waters.

And while I think Mr Ferguson's approach is very sensible and important, I don't think I'll be renewing my membership of the LPUK, despite his good intentions.

The fundamental problem that I see in the UK is that "social democracy" is drilled into people from the outset. There is no serious tolerance of the idea of NOT amortizing the bad consequences of your actions across all of society. The nett takers of society and the masses who have been convinced of the horror of accepting said consequences will not forgo their security blanket.

The Green Party has moved from being an electoral nonentity pressure group to a party with parliamentary representation, precisely because their agenda dovetails so precisely with the idea of amortizing bad things.

This is entirely the antithesis of libertarianism, even if you are some sort of classical liberal or minarchist who believes in some limited government. The idea of libertarianism is that you have to bear the consequences of your decisions. If they're good decisions, you do well. If they're bad decisions, you suffer.

There is no place in a social democracy for the ideas of individual responsibility, everything revolves around the "greater good", and if you want to be the bloke who defines what the greater good is, you have to get elected to power. And because this country is an increasingly intolerant social democracy, the only way you will come to power is to be a social democrat.

This inherent contradiction between British politics and any kind of libertarian ideals means that unlike the Greens, LPUK will almost certainly never become relevant unless the entire social democratic structure is destroyed or collapses under its own weight.

And even then, or perhaps especially then, the loss of security will almost inevitably lead a fearful populace to seek a similar comforting safety blanket as the new social order.

I wish those who would revive the LPUK well, I really do. And I hope my assessment is wrong.

But I'm pretty sure it isn't.

And another

A hungover boo

Thanks to the Skip Licker for this awesome tune.